(Closed) Two Family weddings 2 weeks apart

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should Nephew Change Wedding Date?
    Yes : (5 votes)
    29 %
    No : (12 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    The nephew probably didn’t pick the date… his fiancee probably did! And I bet he’d have a hard time changing it, even if he wanted to. It is crummy when two people in the same family get married close together, because it’s always difficult for close family to attend both. But are they brother and sister, or just cousins? If they are siblings, one of the weddings should definitely be moved! But if they are cousins, I guess we all have to remember that each couple gets only one day, not an entire month!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2470 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    hmmm I understand where it is a conflict for you as an Aunt, yet I don’t really think its your place to say something to him. Chances are, the date was chosen together with his fiance and changing a date really isn’t that easy. Has your niece shown that she has taken issue with it? If so, perhaps she and your nephew should talk it out. As inconvenient as it is, you still have a year out to plan your schedule accordingly.

    Post # 6
    Member
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    As the aunt to both of them, this is probably much harder for you than it is to them. My fiancee’s cousin had their wedding 2 weeks after ours. We scheduled ours first, and honestly we didn’t even really think about when theirs would be. Unfortunately for them, many of their family chose to go to our wedding, simply because it was earlier. Your nephew and his bride have to pick what’s most convenient for them – maybe they had to sacrifice some family members who might not be able to make it to both to make it accomodating for them and most of their guests.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think it’s a tad insensitive simply because family members might have to choose whose wedding they attend and that will make one of them feel bad I imagine. I too bet it was his fiance that picked the date. If you want to bring up that possibility I say go for it, but be prepared that they may tell you to mind your own business.

    Post # 8
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    If HE had chosen the day being fully aware of his cousins date, that would be rather rude. But in all likelyhood, he probably didn’t.  I think that it works out to be frustrating for family and poor timing, but not worth altering major plans over.

    Post # 9
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Is either your nephew or his fiance in school? Or perhaps they have some other reason why they really needed to pick that date.

    I’m in grad school and only had 6 weeks off for my summer and taking 22-23 credits during school meant that any other time was out of the question. Throw into that that I had to factor in 2 weeks for our honeymoon and I was even more limited. Then, looking at venues most of the dates were already taken for all 3 places that I was considering (nearly a year in advance mind you) and I was forced to have my wedding on a Friday night, only 6 days after my step-cousin. Granted there wasn’t much overlap in our guest list, but even if there was I wouldn’t have waited a whole year to have my wedding just because of when someone else picked their date.

    I understand that it can be really frustrating as a guest if you must choose one over the other and I could understand if the bride, your niece, is a bit miffed, especially since hers comes second. But at the same time your nephew must do what is right for him and his fiance. If he’s set his date and isn’t just telling you he’s considering that date then chances are he’s already signed a contract and perhaps signed with other vendors as well so changing the date probably isn’t much of an option at this point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    599 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    This almost exact same thing happened to me. Except with less notice. My FI proposed to me on my birthday (in April) and we set the date and told family in early May that the wedding would be in mid Sept. After sending out the mass emails and calling to tell friends and family to save the date and that an invite would follow, my cousin told everyone he was getting married the weekend after my wedding.

    I think he had set his date first, but he hadn’t told anyone (not even his father) so when I told everyone my date, I guess he felt obligated to let people know. His is an encore wedding with no kids allowed. The weddings are in two separate states and about 8 hours’ drive away from each other. So to be honest I didn’t feel too bad about setting my date a week before his, and had not one intention of changing my date after finding out. He didn’t tell anyone! But now we have family who have to go to both, that is a strain and I feel badly about that.

    I think that since you have so much time (a year! seems like luxury to me!) you could say something to him or to his parents? Just broach the subject lightly, like “Is the date of your wedding really meaningful/special to you?” Good luck!

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