Post # 1
So I have 2 bestfriends!…Not married. One MOH “L” lives like 700 miles from me and my other MOH “A” lives in the same city as me..They have never been close and have never met…being we live so far apart. I LOVE THEM BOTH DEARLY! I’ve Known MOH L my entire life but moved about 10 years ago and of course met new friends and became very close with MOH A but still remain very close to MOH L ~~ ok Here’s my issue:
I asked both of them to be my Maid of Honor and also let them know that they were “sharing” the role because I couldnt choose and loved them both dearly..this was about 5 months ago when I got engaged..well a few weeks ago MOH L called me and said that she was seriously hurt and had been keeping it from me that she was not too happy about sharing the role..and that ever since childhood we’ve talked about being each others MOH. I told her I was sorry and that I completely understood but I couldnt choose..it was A Very hard conversation to have over the phone…and we really didnt come to a conclusion…but that she just wanted to get her feelings out..
I then talked to MOH A and explained to her the situation and she was like “Jen I completley understand if you want me to just be a Bridesmaid” And i responded with NO! I want you both to be.. AAARRRGGG!
I dont know what to do! Any Advice?
I’m also scared what will happen on my wedding day! who will hold my flowers? who will carry the ring? I”M SOO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS!!
Post # 3
Well, I have a Maid and a Matron. Neither one of my ladies seems to care. I think it’s a little selfish of your friend to give you grief over it. She should be happy that you gave her the honor…hence Maid of Honor. Since my Matron of Honor is my big sister she will probably be holding my ring (and be standing closest to me) and I will hand the bouquet to my Maid of Honor (friend). I wanted to include them both.
Post # 4
I have 2 maids of honor, and I think that’s fine. I think it’s healthy that L told you how she’s feeling, but this is your day. I would not stress the “I can’t choose” part and instead focus on how much you love each one and want them both to be with you in that way on your special day. It’s not ‘sharing the role’ but multiplying it. You can ask L what roles are most important to her, so maybe you can divide them up accordingly. (e.g. one does the ring, the other does the flowers. One organizes a bridal shower; one organizes the bachelorette party). It’s hard not to hurt friends’ feelings and it’s good you’re mindful of that – but remember that it is ultimately your decision..
Post # 5
I also have two maids of honour. The one who lives close and can help me plan pre-wedding is doing that, and the one who lives far away is giving the MOH toast at the wedding. At the ceremony, one will stand next to me and hold flowers and pass the ring, the other one will sign the registrar. I’ve gotten a lot of flack for it, but in the end, it’s not about them. You’re offering them both an honour, and they have the right to choose to participate or not, but you are the one who decides what role you will ask them to fill.
Post # 6
hm, i think your friend should have just sucked it up and not mentioned anything to you, but, then again, she felt close enough to you that she could be completely honest, so that’s a good thing. i would just be very clear about delgating the duties out, and taking time throughout the engagement to tell them and show them (individually) how important they both are to you.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you got grief for your decision, but I think it’s better she shared her feelings and talked to you about it now than letting it stew. Just keep making it clear that they are both really important to you – you really don’t have to change your mind!
I had two and we did the divide and conquer approach – one planned my shower, one my bachelorette, one kept everyone organized the morning of the wedding while the other did my makeup, etc…they were really great about sharing the title in the end. As for the flowers and the ring, we just gave our rings to our officiant so that eliminated that but I did have one of them hold my bouquet – just because she was closest – but you could just as easily hand it to your mom or someone sitting in the front row.
Post # 8
I think your friend sounds selfish. It’s your day and she should understand. There’s so much to do that it would be nice to be able to share the role (I have been an MOH so many times and would have been happy to split some of the responsibilities.
Post # 9
I have two maids of honor as well. I am extremely close to both of them in different ways. I know neither one of them are thrilled with sharing the role, but they have never said anything to me about it. Your friend should have never come to you about that! Its selfish to make you shoulder that kind of guilt. Its your wedding, you made you decision, so there is nothing else to discuss if you ask me!
My maids know each other well (and don’t always get along)… one lives in my current city and the other 1200 miles away, so I feel your pain there. One is around to help all the time, the other will take a little more effort to include (and for her to feel included).
As for who does what… why not let them share the responsibility… one can carry the ring, and the other can hold your bouquet. I’m planning on doing the love letter wine box ceremony, so my plan is to have one gal carry the mister’s ring and the other will carry the love letter I wrote to him. So, maybe if you’re doing something else in the ceremony, you can include the other in that portion.
Good luck! And don’t fret. Keep your MOH’s… thats what you wanted in the beginning. This day is about YOU, not about who is your bestest best friend.
Post # 10
I had the exact same situation. I had 2 maids of honor. I had a lifelong friend that I had asked to by my maid of honor; however, she lived in Texas and I live in NY…so though she stood up and took the super important part of the speech at the reception, and had the rings…my other maid of honor who lives in the same city as me took the more leg work role of helping me with all the DIYing and venting about family, etc. Neither one appeared offended, and they both did a fabulous job in their role, I would tell the MOH that lives far away that she cannot accomplish all the things you need her to from so far away and that it helps to have the additional support from a great friend locally, and she is a newer closer friend.
Post # 11
I am also having a maid of honor and a matron of honor–my 2 sisters. My older sister got married a couple of years ago and had us both as her MOHs. Now that it’s my turn, I can’t pick one or the other unless I want huge drama. I feel like multiples are becoming more and more common these days. It’s kind of a lot of work for one person; maybe she’ll realize that and end up being happy about it? Hopefully now that she got it out of her system she’ll get over it.
Post # 12
I had 2 MOH’s as well. They’re sisters 2 years apart that I grew up with from 3 yrs old, there was never going to be a choice between them. Luckily we all fell in a normal rhythm with one giving the photographer the payment, one in charge of the day of bag, one took on carrying the ring and the other held the bouquet. They walked out together with the Best Man, and they gave a joint MOH speech at the reception.
Post # 13
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ADVICE LADIES! 🙂