Two post-wedding comments that I'm not sure how to respond to…

posted 2 weeks ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

Bee, listen! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! Your friend who was able to bring her child had an emergency and asked your permission and you don’t even know this woman’s kids!  What’s done is done and don’t apologize again. Your boss and your fathers GF can kick rocks. It wasn’t about them. I can’t beleive both of them would even say anything to you about it. And at the wedding! People are so rude. 

Post # 4
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would basically just let the boss thing blow over. I feel like your reason was valid for letting them bring their daughter. One of his parents had a heart attack for gods sake…I wouldn’t want to make him sit in a hotel room with his daughter in another city alone. That is ridiculous. 

As far as your dads girlfriend, I think she is acting SUPER immature about the whole situation and the things she said were super uncalled for. However, I would have invited her kids in the first place…but its all over now so there’s nothing you can do. You apologized and shes being a B about it. I would just ignore her as it sounds like you don’t have much of a relationship with her anyways. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee

underblueskies1016 :  Omfg you did nothing wrong – your boss is being a complete dick. It is beyond the pale for him to speak to you about this after the fact, let alone treat you badly cause of it. Gauche AF.

We also had a no kids wedding but ended up making an exception a week out for a bridesmaid who couldn’t find a babysitter – it was fine. If anyone was offended they at least had the grace to keep it to themselves. 

Post # 6
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

underblueskies1016 :  Yeah you can’t really do anything about it. I would jut stop apologizing to both your co worker and your dads GF. Next time its brought up just shrug your shoulders and wave it away, because you didnt do anything wrong. It was YOUR wedding and YOU did exactly what YOU wanted to with it. Dont let these petty people ruin your memories of the day. 

Post # 7
Member
4917 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

underblueskies1016 :  Chiming in to say you weren’t at all wrong.  What coldhearted jerk would have made the husband stay in a hotel with his 4 year old and his mind on nothing all day but his dad’s health?  Your boss is completely out of line, though of course you can’t say so since it’s the boss.  I’d let that one fade out on its own.  And the girlfriend appears to be a real peach, as you say.  I bet her kids wouldn’t have even wanted to come and her problem stems from jealousy/insecurity with your mom.  In her case a “we’ve already discussed this” and a change of subject or leaving is all the grace I’d give her.  I certainly wouldn’t have apologized for it.  Inviting him was like inviting a friend.

All that said – am I the only one who thinks it’s utterly bizarre that your guests even figured this much out about each other?  If I saw a kid at a “family kids only” event, I’d assume they were related and certainly not inquire.  If I saw the son of the boyfriend, well I probably wouldn’t know that’s who that was, nor ask, I’d just assume that was yet another guest.  Why are these people so invasively nosy?

Post # 8
Member
4117 posts
Honey bee

tiffanybruiser :  THIS

Your boss sounds like an ass if he not only makes an issue of this but can’t see why you made the exception (your friend’s FIL had a heart attack ffs!) 

I could sympathize with your dad’s girlfriend if her feelings were hurt that your mom’s bf’s kids were invited and hers weren’t. BUT my sympathy for her nose-dived when you said you apologized for hurting her feelings and explained (reasonably!) that you know him quite well whereas you barely know her kids and she not only responded pissily to you but continues to bring it up despite several apologies from you. This isn’t even about her kids in my opinion (grown kids aren’t going to be hurt at not being invited to the wedding of someone they barely know, I doubt they even anticipated an invite), she has her nose out of joint because she perceives you as having favoured her boyfriend’s ex, smells like jealous rivalry/ animosity toward your mom IMO. A peach indeed. 

My advice would be to ignore the ass and the peach as much as possible, they’re both out of line. If it continues, you sure as hell don’t owe them more apologies and explanations- you already tried to handle it nicely and tactfully. Repeated blatherings from them on what should be over and done with, I’d handle with a firm request to knock it off. 

Post # 9
Member
2727 posts
Sugar bee

Tell your boss that if his babysitter had a heart attack then he could have brought the kids too. Nah don’t say that but thinking it might help the anger. What an asshole he is. 

Good Lord the girlfriend needs to chill out. I would just tell her you’ve heard her and she needs to stop. And internally you can say “would you just STFU” 

Post # 10
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

underblueskies1016 :  I would say to your boss, “my friend’s dad had a heart attack and may die, so we let them bring their kids, so sorry about it.” Make him feel bad for being upset, he should feel bad. Your fathers girlfriend, what can be said? I would not let such a thing be said to my daughter. She thinks she is in some rivalry with her boyfreinds ex wife’s boyfriend. A lot of words to say that! She is crazy. My fiance would say “don’t talk to my wife like that.” But really it should be your father to tell her. She announced if she had the chance she would be rude to you on your wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

underblueskies1016 :  Don’t apologize to either of them again. You were absolutely not in the wrong. And even if another family hadn’t cancelled on you, a family emergency and your kindness (because the guest did give you an out) actually make you an awesome person.

As for the girlfriend – if she brings it up again, don’t apologize, just change the subject to literally anything else in the world. When she presses, tell her that’s it’s been discussed, you had your reasons, and it was your wedding not hers. She’s way overstepping.

Post # 12
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Nothing is worth commenting further on. These people are just plain rude I mean really, your boss is pissed, that what? Your friends dad had a heart attack, and you dare allow them to bring their daughter? 

Obviously, you have to grin and bear it with your boss, but if the shrew says anything further, I would tell her that he was invited as a friend, and not as “family member.” End of story. Her daughter’s are not your friends.

 

Post # 13
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

underblueskies1016 :  the problem is you keep apologising for things you should not apologise for. You can politely express sorrow at another’s upset feelings without taking responsibility for them. A useful lesson in the need to develop assertiveness skills.

Post # 14
Member
1215 posts
Bumble bee

1. You told your boss the emergency reason behind the kid coming, ok- well to me and probably him that story sounds fishy. Grandpa had a heart attack, family should be at the hospital with him not out partying at some wedding.

2. You should make some sort of smartass comment next time she brings it up like “well maybe one day you’ll get married and then you’ll understand the stress that goes into making guest list decisions”

Post # 15
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You didn’t do anything wrong.  You did the right thing allowing your friend to bring her daughter in an emergency circumstance.  It sucks that your boss is being a dick.  This is exactly when I didn’t invite anyone from work to my wedding!

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