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That's a tough one. My friend did something similar to this since her wedding was far away and a lot of her family couldn't travel to it. I'm not sure if everyone who was invited to her hometown reception (not the wedding) was even invited to the actual wedding. It was kinda clear from the invites to the hometown one that it wasn't the main event. Maybe you should send out your wedding invites first and then later send out the other invites, to encourage people to go to the actual wedding
Actually, this is getting to be more and more common! I LOVE this idea, really, because... well, it's something we'll probably do. With my parents being so established in my hometown but all our mutual friends being here, it's so hard to decide. I haven't decided how we're going to do it, but I know typically they include a second card in the invitation suite that says something like "in the unfortunate event you are not able to join us, please celebrate with us at a local reception on november 5, 2010 at crestwood country club... blah blah blah"
FSIL had to do this! FBIL is from Arizona, and a lot of people couldn't afford to fly out to IL/couldn't make it because of health issues. So she threw them a second reception. I think she used a lot of word of mouth. The important people got invitations regardless, and then a much wider span of people got different invites just for the reception. I don't necessarily agree with that one (I guess I'd feel insulted?) but she wanted a lot of people there, and no one seemed to mind.
Try hard not to worry so much just yet; looking at a date of Sep. 2011 or Jan 2012...that's still VERY long time away. Is the FMIL sure that if you notify people now that by Sep. 2011 they would not have enough finances for the trip? Or is it that a large number of elderly, ill, etc may not be able to travel (which is totally understandable)? I agree with most of what the others suggestedl 2 receptions are growing quite common and all the important people will find a way to attend at least one of the events. EVERYONE will not be able to attend, so try not to get too caught up with making so many exceptions for everyone.
It's wonderful that FMIL has offered to pay for the second reception!!
What a wonderful issue to have!
I'd send invitations to the people that you normally would have sent invites to. Those that come to the wedding will come to the wedding. Then, when you send the Texas invites, you also send it to anyone who would be invited to that (some of your MA family might want to come). You could spread the word via word of mouth that you certainly don't expect or want double presents at the 2nd event - for those guests that choose to join in the celebration twice.
We're doing something very similar to this. We're even more long distance -- we met in London, we both live in London, we're getting married in London, but all my family and many of my friends are in Australia.
We are inviting the people we want to/have to invite. But when we sent out our STDs, I included cards for those who might find it difficult to let them know that while we'd love to see them at the wedding, we know it's horribly inconvenient and expensive for our loved ones in Australia, so we'll be continuing the wedding celebrations in Queensland (at the end of the honeymoon), and we'd love to see them at either or both of the events.
I'm also looking at this as an opportunity to invite many more of my family and friends than I'd be able to otherwise -- we are having 100 guests max to the wedding, but because we're having the Australian party in my parents' garden, we can push the boat out a bit and invite others as it will be a much less formal celebration. We'll send separate invitations to those people, just inviting them to the Australian event.
I think a hometown reception would be nice. You send out the wedding invitations. Then she will send more informal invitations out for the second reception.
@IA_Snowflake -- I think that's exactly the right approach, and I forgot to say that's what we're doing. Invitations to the wedding will be in our name, while those to the second celebration will be from my parents.
I like the idea of telling people with the formal invite that in the event that can not attend there will be a second reception hosted by your FMIL with an invitation to follow. Your FMIL sounds very nice.
We totally did this.
I'll be posting about our home town reception in the next month or so. My Dad really wanted a party to invite all his friends. It allowed us to have the wedding of our dreams, but then celebrate with all my parent's friends in my home town.
I think the invite said something like:
For all of our Southern CA Friends and Family
Please join us in continuing the celebration of Mr. and Mrs. Peep's marriage....
It was great, and I'd totally recommend it!
PS Only a few people couldn't make the wedding and then we invited them to the hometown reception.
We're also having a second reception in my hometown since we are doing a DW. On the response card it'll be something like - "Check all that apply - attending Hawaii wedding, attending 2nd reception, regretfully can't come to either" (though with different wording, of course.) This would only go to guests who the 2nd reception might apply, and I'd include an insert with the logistics info. That way I don't have to send out 2 invites, and my at-home family won't have to feel bad for having to send back a complete "no" response.
Though there will still be confusion, I'm sure...
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Hello fellow bees,
My problem is kind of an odd one, and I'm really not sure how to handle it. My fiance and I were long distance (Texas and Massachusetts, respectively) before I moved down here about three months ago, and our respective families live (as expected) in our respective states predominantly. We're thinking of having the wedding either in Massachusetts (since he says it's fair, since I moved for him and he didn't move for me) or at Disney World (since regardless of where the wedding takes place, well more than half our guests will have to travel anyway).
So far, this is working out well for everyone...my 'maids are happy to travel anywhere, most guests are positively gleeful at the thought of either location, and finances aren't a problem.
The problem (if you can even call it that, it's more of a quandary) comes from my FMIL. She pointed out that a lot of the guests on their side might not be able to travel to the wedding, and offered to throw us a second reception in Texas when we get back from our honeymoon, at her expense. It's very generous of her, and I said "yes" right away without really thinking about it very much. Now, though, I'm starting to see some of the logistical problems with having two receptions.
First, how would invitations for something like that work? My fiance and I thought that maybe we could just tell the "no" responses from his side "If cost is a problem, we're going to have a reception in Texas after we get back from our honeymoon," but it seems kind of odd, and I worry that it would sound like we're trolling for gifts.
Second, I also worry about this becoming a situation in which there's a "bride's" reception and a "groom's" reception, like we can't get our families in the same room together for more than five minutes at a time or something. I worry about people finding out about the Texas reception and saying, "Well, I could fly out for the wedding, but I'd much rather just go to the after party in Texas" and the wedding becoming something that only involves my friends and family while the Texas reception only involves his.
Do these worries make sense or am I crazy for being worried about them? How should I handle this situation? I'm really at a loss.