Two scenarios- do we need to invite…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  1. give your mom her “allotment” of invites and let her put who she wants on the list. TheN have the talk about no changsies. No adding on or verbal invites. Let her decide which of her friends make the cut and which ones don’t. Since you didn’t invite them to the e-party I don’t see why you have to invite them all to the wedding. 

2. No, you don’t. I have 20 great aunts and uncles (17 living) and I only invited 1. The one I see on a regular basis and talk to. Your grandmother would never pick some of her siblings over the other, and so her point of view makes sense….for her. But you can split up aunts/uncles and cousins. Invite those you are closest to and let your grandma know that you weren’t inviting by circle based on relation, but circle based on how often you see or talk to someone. 

Post # 5
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1. I wouldn’t worry too much about – let your mom decide which friends to invite and not to.

2. I think it depends on how big your wedding is going to be. If you are having a 300 person wedding, than, yes I think it would be rude and offensive not to invite them. However, if you aren’t have a big wedding, I think it is perfectly fine to only include those you are close to. I don’t have nearly as big of a family (a mere 7 aunts/uncles) and we invited them, but cut it off at cousins. We only invited the cousins we are close to.

Post # 6
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

1) You don’t have to invite anyone, but the fact of the matter is that they were invited to a pre-wedding party, and they should be invited (etiquette wise).  You can invite them and deal with the numbers, or you can not and put your mom in the potentially awkward spot of explaining to her friends why they didn’t receive an invitation.  Neither is a particularly great option, so you have to decide what you want to do and live with it.

2) You also don’t have to invite every family member you’ve ever met.  But, you do need to set a clear line.  If you invite Great Aunt Sally, you’d better be inviting all of the rest of them.  You can decide to not invite any of them, and that’s perfectly acceptable.  You just need to establish a clear line of where the invitations stop, and stick with it, no exceptions.  And tell Grandma, sorry, but you just don’t have the space or the finances to invite everyone that you’d like to be there, and stand your ground.

Post # 7
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  if your mom put those names on her allotment of invites, then you invite them. You said she could invite any 20 people she wanted (or whatever number) and she chose them, so that’s who you invite. 

Post # 9
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Here’s my take as a 4 time MOB who is kind of a stickler about this stuff:

1.  I don’t feel you need to invite the people in question from the e-party.  You warned your mom, you weren’t in charge of the guest list, so I don’t think this falls on you.  If your parents were hosting your wedding that would be a different story.

2.  Grandma is going to have to get over it.  She comes from a generation where you invited everyone but you were inviting them for cake and punch.  I am a HUGE proponent of inviting people based on your relationship with them rather than having common DNA.  She may not like but she isn’t paying for it either.  Most people in her generation have no idea what kind of pricetag these kinds of demands carry.  She will get over it.  Don’t engage her in the conversation.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrsT1221:  wait, so you gave your mom too many spots on the list? 

I assumed that you made a lit that included your friends and family. Then you took what was left and split it between your parents and his and that was their “friend allotment” but now I am thinking you let them put whomever they wanted on the list and it’s too many? 

Figure out how many friends your parents are allowed to invite, whether it’s 6 or 60 and then tell your mom “we have room for you to invite ** number of friends???who do you want on the lis” and go from there. 

Post # 13
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

@FutureMrsT1221:  1. Nope. 2. It depends. If I were to invite one  of my aunts/uncles then I’d invite all of those at the same ‘level’, but any further away then that, e.g. great aunts/uncles, then I’d only invite the ones I was close to.

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