Two Shower Dilemma

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I literally was in the exact same situation. I eventually told my FMIL i appreciate the gesture, but only wanted 1 shower.  I can tell she is kind of bitter – but I didn’t want presents or 2 shwers or to feel like a greedy person for inviting peple to a shower that weren’t going to be invited to the wedding.  My opinion is just have one shower and call it a day. Let FMIL plan the rehearsal dinner or something else.

Post # 4
6158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if having so much less people at your FMIL is bothering her, why don’t you invite your girlfriends to that one as well and tell them they are doing you a favor and should not  bring another gift.  everyone likes free food and a party.

i’m not sure what to say about the FMIL inviting people who aren’t invited to the wedding, except that it’s on her and if that’s what she wants to do, who can stop her.



Post # 6
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ajillity81:  I agree. Ask your girls to make both showers if they can but no gifts at the 2nd. I’d support my bride like that if it was feasible.

Post # 7
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is not unusual for someone from the groom’s family to host a shower for their family and friends.

It is not that unusual for  older generations to invite friends, neighbours etc  who are not invited to the wedding, to a shower, no matter what you read on the Etiquette Board or any other website. These women have usually watched each other’s children grow up and get great joy in celebrating their marriages. They also love to meet the bride.

If FMIL is worried about numbers, tell her that you absolutely love the idea of a more intimate shower, that you will have more time to get to know the guests.

Post # 8
677 posts
Busy bee

@sparklerunner:  there’s 2 types of showers – one run for women who will be attending the wedding, and one run by social groups (ex. Coworkers, church group, book club) who may not all be invited. The one your FMIL is throwing sounds like it is her family and friends, so her social network. If she has made it clear that these women are not invited to the wedding, I see no problem with it.

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