Post # 1
Ok so the clock is ticking, 44 days left to go!
Two things have been bugging me as we draw closer and talk to more vendors in greater detail.
One is that people seem so surprised that I’m having a male bridal attendant. It’s 2011 people. Girls and boys can be friends. I went to a wedding over 15 years ago in North Dakota and the bride had male attendants and the groom had female attendants. Talking to people on the “bee” it seems like a pretty common thing. But vendors so far have been so confused by this! Our florist seemed to have a really difficult time wrapping her head around the idea that there would be a different number of buttonieres and bouquets. Our wedding coordinator was confused and kept asking “what is he?” to figure out where on the list to put him. It’s getting annoying. Lordy, how on earth do they handle GLBT ceremonies!
The other thing is that everyone (outside of my family/close friends) assumes that I’m changing my name. I guess I think of it as a personal decision and don’t assume either way. This is another thing I didn’t think would be terribly shocking in 2011, especially because we’re in our thirties and I’m in a profession where name recognition is important.
Ok, just needed to get that off of my chest! Any other bees experience this?
Post # 3
Yes! To the name change thing! The ladies at work keep hypenating my name and I have friends calling me Mrs. M (even though they know I’m not changing my last name). I suppose I’ll have to get used to it, but I definately know I am not the only one keeping my name. OMG I just realized that my family has NO IDEA…oh this will be a doozie conversation with my grandmother.
In general I am just sick of the “rules” about “how to have a wedding”. Some of the expectations and ettiquett are just not us and I am really struggling with them. We’re going very non-traditional and I am sure I have/will complete a number of faux pas, but I think we’ll be happy and I hope people will see past whatever pre-concieved notions they have about weddings (or keep their feelings to themselves lol).This is about us, not about the rules.
Post # 4
A lot of my wedding vendors seemed to be confused about anything outside of the box too. They all seemed to want a streamlined traditional.. everything! Which my wedding was for the most part, but there were a few deviations I had to explain over and over.
The name change thing is a lose-lose situation. I got such a hard time for taking a full month to change my last name. People would ask me on a daily basis if I had changed it yet, I have no idea why they cared so much. THEN when I changed it, I got a ton of negative feedback, people were mad that I changed it in the first place and some even told me my new last name sounds worse than my maiden! You can’t win..
Post # 5
Yeah I have gotten a lot of head turning questioning looks before too. I told my vendor that we were having a small wedding and that there wouldn’t be dancing or a DJ. It was like I had shocked them or something. lol. Also, they thought it was crazy that we weren’t doing a head table for the bridal party. They thought it was so odd…. You’d think that there would be enough variations to any wedding idea that people in the wedding industry would have seen it all, but I guess not. LOL. I think they definitely need to catch up with the times and stop thinking inside such a little box!
Post # 6
What is with wedding people! You think they would be used to all kinds of different things. I need to start directing them to offbeatbride.com so they can see how traditional we really are!
You’re right, you definitely can’t win with the whole name issue. People just have their ideas of how things should be and being open-minded is difficult.
Post # 7
I’m annoyed by people who assume they are invited or get pissy when they find out they aren’t invited (mainly people who are friends of family) that’s annoying to me.
Post # 8
It must be where you live? I was asked at work by several people whether I was changing my name or not. And that was from some people who I would’ve thought to be very traditional. Also, pretty much all the vendors I worked with were not suprised about having a female best man. Most of ours already had experienced it.
ETA:Not to shoot you down! That would be very annoying!
Post # 9
i’ve actually encountered both annoyances.
1. I’m having a Man of Honor (my best friend) and my three sisters as bridesmaids. Everyone has been pretty cool about it, except my grandma. She was shocked and not happy. She said I should have one of my sisters as Maid of Honor. And I was like “how can I choose between 3 sisters? I can’t.” So she was like “well, then I’m not coming” and i said “Ok, don’t be suprised if you don’t get an invitation in the mail” haha. She wasn’t serous and neither was I. (i mean, she was seriously shocked/surpised and upset, but she wasn’t seroius about not coming) Sometimes we bicker more like best friends than grandma/granddaughter.
2. I haven’t decided if I’m going to change my name. One part of me likes the whole “unified family name” thing. But part of me wants to stay “me”, ya know? I have awhile before I decided, but as soon as I got engaged people started calling me “Mrs.P*******” and everytime I would say “I haven’t decided that yet” ugh.
Post # 10
@SamanthaSadlier: I’m with you there. We had a vendor who basically tried to talk us out of out venue because it wasn’t apropriate for a wedding…then suggested we invite more people (and our guest list is 90) to make it “worth it”. Last time I checked you only need two people to make it “worth it”.
I also had a co-worker who was at a pot-luck wedding and this BLEW HER MIND. She was so shocked and almost appalled that people would ask their guests to bring food instead of presents. I think its a great idea for couples who want an intimate “family” gathering, no gifts, and lost of yummy yummy food. But apparently its offensive. Sigh
Post # 11
I kind of want to change my name, because it would go from four syllables down to one, LOL! But future hubby and I are both in the sciences, and I already have my maiden name on one publication. In scientific research, it is very common for the women to keep their maiden name.
By The Way, Neotoma is not my last name, nor is Elle my first 🙂