Post # 1
FI are having a civil ceremony in a few weeks and what we consider to be our real church wedding later. We are going to tell our immediate family and our employers (for insurance), but that’s it.
I am torn. We won’t really consider ourselves married until the church ceremony. But because I’m an encore, I don’t want to keep my ex-husband’s name any longer than I have to…and I KNOW FI doesn’t like the thought of his wife (even if just on paper) with that name. I’m considering changing my name legally, but using my maiden name socially until the wedding (which is what I’ve started to do a little anyway).
For those of you who have done something similar and planned to take your FI’s name, when did you change to your married name? Did you make the legal name change coincide with the legal wedding? Or did you wait and do it after the “wedding”? If you made the change, did you use the name socially right away or wait until after the wedding?
Post # 3
In most states, the legal name change has to be done at the civil ceremony, or it will be a much larger hassle with paperwork.
I didn’t change my name, but did have both a small civil ceremony and larger wedding. I would not change your name socially after the small civil ceremony if it is important to you that people (including you and your family) think of the larger wedding as the “real” wedding. You don’t want that symbolism on what you perceive as the less important date.
If you want to start using your maiden name until the wedding, however, that seems like a great solution, as long as you aren’t surrounded by easily-confused people.
Post # 4
I don’t know what historienne means when she says you have to change it at the civil ceremony—because you can change your name anytime you want after you are married. You could do it after the legal ceremony or wait a few months until after the church ceremony. Socially you can call yourself anything that you want, whether it’s your legal name or not. I would just make the decision about the legal change based on what it is most convenient for you to go. It sounds like you would like to get it taken care of before the church ceremony. That will be fine and won’t really impact much. You don’t have to put your legal name on your wedding invitations!
Post # 5
We’re doing the same thing, but our civil wedding is only a week before the curch wedding, so the name-thing is not such a big deal. BTW over here in Germany you have to change your name at the civil wedding (or you can keep your maiden name of course, but you cannot change it later).
Still I won’t feel like I’m married before the church wedding and at leat I won’t wear my wedding ring until then.
Post # 6
Thanks for the suggestions. I will change my name after the civil ceremony, but continue to use my maiden name socially until the church wedding. That’s what my FI’s family and most of our friends know me as anyway. It’s really only my coworkers and clients that know my by my current (ex-husband’s) last name.
@chelseamorning – good point about the wedding invitations. I almost have to use my maiden name on them. It would look really odd if we both had the same last name on the invitations (not to mention that once I take his name, my name will then be the same as his sister’s, so to those who didn’t know the whole scoop, it would look like he was marrying his sister!)