Two Weddings in Family

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Having two weddings so close together is tough. I don;t think I can offer any help but might ask for some from you? 

My FI and I have been together 3 years. His sister has been together with her guy 1 year but they got engaged before we did and set the date for November. We got engaged in May and set our date for October. Now the weddings are 3 months apart.


What would you suggest so we avoid stepping on her toes? She has gone through a lot of things in her personal life and both of us just really want her day to SHINE. We’ve already told his family that if they can only go to one to please prioritize hers. The other thing is ours is going to be a a big (budget and size-wise) wedding whereas hers is goign to be small and i know it’s not possible but I just want to avoid others making comparisons…


Post # 4
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mrslawrencetobe:  

oh my gosh I am in a very similar situation! My fiancé went ring shopping with his mom and dad and bought my ring a while ago .. He told his sisters and their boyfriends (his oldest sister is already married) when he was planning on doing it at the end of July on our vacation with our family .. Well the 4th of July his older sister (who has been with her boyfriend for almost 10 years) asks us to go on their boat for fire works .. little did we know her boyfriend was proposing to her! I was so incredibly happy for her! So 2 weeks later my boyfriend and I go on vacation and the second day in he proposes which was the most perfect proposal in the world!!! SO EXCITED! Cannot wait to start planning! BUT I am stressing out about dates/out of town guests from their side of the family Frown I want everyone to come to both but I am hoping for late September/early October 2014 for our wedding and they are thinking July 2014 .. I have talked to a lot of people and they told me not to stress about it, whoever can come will come I have to just deal with it lol 

Post # 5
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - The Cove Lakeside Resort

It seems to be happening often…. i’ve benn engaged since December, we picked a date (May 31, 2014) soon after and my whole family knew… my sister got engaged this June an picked a date (June 14, 2014) … two weeks after mine. Both my mother and my sister don’t understand why I am upset with her…. she already was putting a damper on my wedding and taking my spotlight by saying she wasn’t coming to our wedding (we didn’t want to invite her bf because of a bad past we’ve had with him), which in turn caused one of my brothers to refuse to come if she wasn’t at the wedding, now she is stepping on my toes and piggybacking my wedding. Also, I feel bad for our mutual guests as they will have to travel 3-4 hours twice in two weeks…in my opinion my sister is and always will be an incredibly selfish person….but thats my opinion….

OP: sorry I don’t have any helpful tips other than talk to us on the bee! We would love to help give opinions on things if you are unable to geth help right now from your family! 🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I know how it goes. My fiance and I had plans to get engaged for months, then out of the blue my older sister got engaged 3 weeks before we did, got married this spring and now I am getting married this fall. Being the youngest is tough enough as it is, but talk about feeling over-shadowed. I felt guilty for my mom even before we announced our engagement because I knew she’d have to tend to both of us and I didn’t want her to have to do that. The only difference is I felt bad, and my sister just took advantage of her like she always does. Still is now, with baby on the way. It’s hard for my mom to even think about our wedding because she’s too excited for the new baby. Not to mention, I was kicked out of my sister’s wedding party because I got upset (gee i wonder why?), and now she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to go to my wedding because she’s pregnant. Hmm…

The important thing is to just realize that this is a positive time of your life despite everyone else and their nonsense. Focus on you and your fiance and why you wanted to get married in the first place. Don’t let other people ruin that for you. Even if the situation with your family doesn’t turn out exactly how you’d hoped, you’re still getting married and will have a great husband after all of this… and that should be reason enough to smile. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrslawrencetobe:  

 

I guess as the “piggybacker” who got engaged and set the date right around the other person’s special day  (in my case my FSIL) I think that you gotta cut people a little slack, as the OP @mrslawrencetobe did for me. People pick dates bc it’s what works for them. In our case we wanted a short engagement which ruled out summer, we didnt want a winter wedding, and we didn’t want to wait a year, so that left Fall and then we chose the date based on the availability of our guests. It had nothing to do with not wanting the other person to shine. Our relationships are different and different dates have different meanings. I would think it would be kinda nuts for us to push ours back a whole year just bc she called dibs on 2013. The more wedded bliss the merrier. My FSIL have commisserated on a lot of wedding shennanigans. We both offered to give each other dibs on wedding colors and I gave her dibs on important (wedding shower etc) dates. We offered each others places as “hotels” for one another to offset cost. Really, it seems in many cases it’s the relationship between the two parties that is the problem, not the date.

 

Also in our case, my parents are paying for ours and my FSIL and her FI and paying for hers, so outside of planning ideas no one is stuck being overwhelmed with bills 

 

One question I have: Is it rude to offer some of the things we are using? Like a ring pillow for instance? No point in both of us getting one… 

Post # 11
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@mrslawrencetobe:  I’m in the same boat!  My little sister will be getting married 6 months before me- it’s a hard balance.  I’m just waiting for her wedding to be over before I ask for any help or support from my family.  You can never make everyone happy- it’s impossible- so just plan thw wedding you want and make yourself happy.

Post # 13
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@mrslawrencetobe:  My dad was hoping for a double wedding for my sister and me- I said no way.  Yesterday, my best friend asked me if I wanted to have a bachelorette party with my sister and we could have both of them together- it took me 0 seconds to say “no!”  We don’t even have the same friends or would want to do the same things- yay for two sisters getting married! lol 

Post # 16
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You’ll be fine. There are 6 months between your weddings and that should be enough time for out of town guests to plan accordingly. I would maybe suggest sending your save the dates out earlier than normal just so folks know in advance that they should prepare for 2 weddings, 6 months apart (if you think it will be a big concern).

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