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We really like the idea of a family only extremely intimate garden wedding where we are surrounded by those that are so important to us.
We then like the idea of having a more relaxed second ceremony on the same day so that all our extended family and friends can also witness us exchange our vows.
We would go for our photos in between the two ceremonies so we could then get straight into celebrating with our friends at the second one.
We are worried that people might feel like they have missed out though?
I would feel like I had missed out- because I had. There is really no reason to say your vows twice. Once you have said them once, you are married, and there is no need for a second ceremony.
I would skip the morning ceremony, spend the morning hanging out with your immediate families and just enjoying their company, and then spend the rest of the day on your single ceremony & reception.
(Also something else to consider is WHY on earth your immediate families would want to sit through two of your wedding ceremonies in one day).
That does seem unusual. Could you do some sort of gathering with your family in the morning (a brunch, or a blessing time, or something like that) to have that time with just them and then do the actual ceremony later? Or have a small ceremony and then simply have a large reception later? I agree with the others who say that repeating the ceremony twice in the same day seems unnecessary.
This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but this is what i think: if you want a small ceremony have one. If i was invited to just a reception because the couple wanted a very small intimate ceremony i would so NOT be offended or feel like i missed out. Its not my wedding, to each their own.
I don't really understand doing it twice in one day, if thats what you want go for it, but i think it's a little odd, personally. But i can't put my finger on why.
@wedding_advice_please: I don't really get this...I mean, picture yourself walking down the aisle towards your husband during the second ceremony. I don't know, to me it would be too weird. Like, we just did this. And I don't think your guests will understand it either. If you want to have a tiny ceremony followed by a reception later in the day, that is fine. But basically renewing your vows a few hours after doing them for the first time just seems incredibly strange,
We feel that this is what suits us best.
We want to be surrounded by those who are nearest and dearest to us. We want it to be extremely intimate. There would only be 20 ppl at the first ceremony which would only last 20 minutes and would have 150 ppl at our second ceremony.
We would not be ruling out the first ceremony- if anything we would not have the second and just have a reception but I think that if people were going to feel like they missed out before then they would definitely feel like they had missed out if we didnt have the second ceremony.
@Lee_Ann: Thanks for that. That is what I was hoping for!
I think people may find it strange that we are having two ceremonies but I am hoping that people would be happy just to witness us getting married even if we had already done it once.
The vows would be different at both and I am sure that there will be just as many emotions the second time as we will be surrounded by all our friends.
@Wonderstruck: Thanks for your post - personally I can think of nothing better than getting those butterflies in my stomach as I walk down the isle for a second time to see my gorgeous groom! Everyone loves a wedding and I would have thought that our friends would just be happy to see us get married even if we had already done it once that day. But maybe I am wrong!
Who cares! No one at the second ceremony will even know you did it in the morning. So how would they know that they are missing out? Do what you want! We are having a Buddhist ceremony in PA with our parents and then another ceremony in WV for everyone else. No one is going to know that we are having a Buddhist ceremony. Frankly, I can't fit 150 in my living room infront of my shrine. z
Oh, and technically you aren't married until you send in the certificate.
Why not just have your small first ceremony, then celebrate with everyone at the reception later in the day? They technically wouldn't be watching you get married the second time anyway, since you'd be getting married earlier in the day at the first ceremony.
I think if friends of mine were getting married ealier in the day, I would still prefer to see them exchange their vows and see a girlfriend walk down the aisle than miss out on seeing it all together because some people think it is 'wierd' the second ceremony and reception would all be at the same venue.
Why not have just the small intimate ceremony and then a big reception with everyone. That is what I would do. I think having two ceremonies would be too stressful.
We had 2 wedding ceremonies 2 weeks apart. The first was in a church and was just for our immediate family. It was really beautiful and felt so intimate. Then 2 weeks later we did a big traditional wedding with 150 guests, which was so fun and we felt overwhelmed with joy to be sharing the day with everyone we loved. We opted not to tell any of our extended family about the first wedding just so they didn't feel left out.
Honestly i wouldn't trade either ceremony for the world and I say do both! Who cares if you say your vows twice? You love that person and you want to shout it from the roof tops!
Do what makes you happy, not what other view as "right".
Here is some pics from our small church wedding and our big wedding!
@Miss CuppyCake: Thanks for your post. How beautiful, and how special that you got to do it all twice. Gorgeous photos too - thanks for sharing - nice to know that someone else has done it and loved it. I am sure that it isnt something that I would ever regret.
I'm with these 2. I'm doing a similar thing... a small Catholic ceremony with close family one day (about 12 people), and a large outdoor ceremony with eveyrone else (about 100 people). I'm not advertising it to everyone, but if people ask if I'm having any Catholic stuff, I tell them the truth. There have been 3 or so people who have asked, and I told them, and none of them are offended at all. If it's what works for you, do it. You're not gonna get 100% love on the Bee with it, though :)
Do it! Just don't tell anyone else, because they will think it's weird too. My FI has been mentioning this to me a few times too, he says he is going to be shaking so bad that he would rather do it in front of less people, I have thought about it, and we may do that :)
Doing two ceremonies would be a bit odd to me if they were exactly the same (I would feel like I was reenacting the first one), but if they were different - like the example of a religious one and a more personalized one that's been brought up, or one with traditional vows, the other with personalized ones - then I could see how that might make sense. Do what makes you happy. If you know it is something you want and are "sure that this is something that [you] would never regret" that seems like your answer right there.
As this is the most special day in our lives we think that we should be able to do it this way as fortunately it is what we both want to do. I guess in the end we just have to think that this is what we both wanted and if other people don't like it well they should just be happy for us. I want to keep it all a secret but my fiance tends to think that we should tell everyone so that they don't get annoyed when and if they find out on the day. I can see both sides - would be good if everyone was used to the idea before it happend but also if it was a secret no one would be disappointed... decisions decisions..... Thanks for all your advice and thoughts everyone
@wedding_advice_please: I think it's a really bad idea to start off your life together by lying to your guests. Yeah, some people will say it's not lying, but sometimes omitting the truth is the same thing as lying, and that's what you'd be doing. If you're going to do this at least be honest with your guests.
Yes, it is your wedding so technically you can do whatever you want. But you asked for advice, and that is what I think. And most of your guests would probably agree.
@wedding_advice_please: I did something similar, in that we had a small, intimate ceremony and then a larger reception after that we invited all our extemded family and friends too. No one had any problems or complaints and if anyone asked, and only two people asked, we just explained that we wanted an intimate family only ceremony, and they understood. So I suggest just doing the first, smaller ceremony, but it's your wedding, so you have to do what works best for you both. Good luck with the planning and whatever you decide.
@dolphi99: Thanks for your advice. I feel the same, if it is what feels right to us and what we want to do then that should be what matters, if our guests are true friends then they will know us and respect that this is how we wanted our special day and we still wanted to include all of them otherwise we wouldn't be having the second ceremony which will be far more light hearted, fun and definitely still special.
The way you are describing it seems wierd to me, but it's your wedding and you can do whatever you want to do. I do think it's going to be a lot in one day for you both tho, so that's something to consider.
For me, my husband and I got married by civil ceremony 6 months before our "official" wedding, so 2 weddings isn't something that bothers me at all. For our "official" wedding we chose to have a small ceremony with just family and a couple of very close friends (total of 37 people) with a much bigger reception the next day (76 people). Some people were a bit wistful that they didn't get to see the ceremony, but that was how my husband and I wanted to do it. We didn't want them to feel left out, but we really wanted the ceremony to be intimate and very very personal with only people that had been very instrumental in our lives.
Do what works for you, but I'd very much stress to you to think about your logistics and how things are going to work for getting ready and transported etc. I thought I'd have plenty of time, but everything was so rushed the day of!
@dodgercpkl: Thanks for that, the two wedding locations are only 10 minutes from each other. I would have 3 hours in between to get re prepared for the second ceremony, we are thinking that we might do an hour of photos and then I would have two hours to get ready again I will be getting changed into a different dress also but my FI won't know this either so it is a bit of a nice surprise for him at the second one too. I would be wearing a veil to the first and having it much more traditional and then have a far more laid back and relaxed ceremony and feel for the second venue.
@wedding_advice_please: Another piece of advice as it sounds like it will be a long day for you guys and the wedding party, make sure to take time out to get something to eat and drink. Keep some bottled water with you at all times and have little snacks around to munch on while getting ready so you don't run out of steam before the second ceremony, or the reception.
I would like to say that I wouldn't do two in one day. Our Buddhist ceremony is probably going to be a week before or after the ceremony in WV. Only because the Buddhist ceremony is pretty long and again, not everyone is going to fit into my living room.
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We are thinking of having two wedding ceremonies in one day.
One just with immediate family only in the morning, and then do it all again infront of our family and friends later in the day where we will be having our actual reception.
Is this crazy?
We are worried that people might think that they are missing out?