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I'd be incredibly pissed off too! Yikes...
The most important thing to remember is that the people that love you will find a way to get there. I'd fly to the other end of the world if my closest cousin was getting married next week! This is a day to be surrounded by your closest loved ones & friends... if anything this double week wedding will just ensure that your day is full of love & support. :)
I'd be upset too. And especially since it's before your wedding. Just curious, how many OOT guests? It sounds like you and your cousin live in different states. So who would have more OOT guests? I would think the decent thing for most folks would be, if they can't make both, they would honor going to yours, because it was planned much further in advance.
Totally not overreacting. I would be upset too. Its a shame your cousin doesn't realize this. What does his bride say?
My wedding is in Florida and his is in New York. There are about 40 mutual guests and all 40 are my OOT guests since they all live in New York.
Apparently both him and his fiance don't see anything wrong with it. My mom actually spoke with him today and he just doesn't get it.
I'd be pissed to.
When we got engaged we literally sat down with a calendar and put at least a 2 week buffer on each side of the weddings of our friends for the coming 12 months. This included sisters/brothers of our close friends too. We came up with only a handful of weekends then that would work after we factored out holiday weekends.
People can be very insensative. We at least tried to be nice.
i actually don't see anything wrong with it. many of us get to the point in our lives where we are attending 2-3 weddings per season because so many people are getting engaged, and sometimes weddings on a close timeline are inevitable.
I admit that 5 days is pretty close. However, if your reason for being mad is the inconvenience it will cause your 40 mutual family members, i don't buy it. The NY wedding is relatively local for them, and they've also known about your date for a while so they have planned for travel. if it were the other way around, it might be inappropriate. So what "burden" exactly has his local wedding created? This makes me think that the real reason you are upset has more to do with his short engagement and planning his wedding sooner than yours versus your long engagement and long-term planning. Those feelings are totally legitimate, and I understand them perfectly, but to pass off your dissatisfaction as "inconveniencing family" is unfair to yourself - you might be better able to let this go emotionally if you step back and examine the true reason you are irritated at his wedding date.
I think your cousin's wedding date would be harder on the family members for whom you think that two weddings would be a "burden" than it is on you. You should realize that if family members can't come to your wedding for financial reasons, it has nothing to do with their relationships with you. Plus, a wedding shouldn't be a burden on anyone. There are only so many weekends in a year, maybe your cousin has a reason for wanting to get married sooner rather than later, or whatever. I wouldn't take it personally.
I'm going to agree with Mrs. Bear on this one. It might be wedding-overload for your guests but since the NY wedding is local for them, they really won't be burdened.
It's totally OK to feel like your cousin is overshadowing your wedding. But I suggest you look those feelings in the eye and tell them to get a move on. You're getting married, it's going to be a beautiful day no matter what your guests do the weekend before or weekend after your wedding!
Sorry to say, but I don't see what's wrong with what your cousin did. My best friend and I booked our weddings 2 weeks apart from each other (she was engaged first, but I found my wedding date first) and we were fine with it. I realize that it's unfortunate that they both require extensive travel, but at least he didn't book it on the same day as yours. THAT would be grounds for being angry. Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear, but I hope you both have gorgeous days and things work out ok!
mrsbear: I'm aware that wedding season is coming and all of my cousins are around the same age so multiple weddings a year are going to be inevitable. Honestly, I have no problem with his short engagement, they have been together for quite a few years and a long engagement isn't necessary. I would rather they have scheduled this for a month earlier or a month later rather than 5 days before. The burden it places on family is a financial one. I'm thrilled for him and would have loved to attend but because of the date it just isn't possible for me and my immediate family.
So are you upset because you won't be able to go? Do you feel like he doesn't care if you go? Who is financially burdened, beside your parents? I think for your 40 guests, if they planned on going to your wedding, (since they've been aware of it for awhile) they can plan accordingly so that they can atill sttend. If cousin's wedding is local, the only money they should be out is whatever they give them as a gift. I think it would be reasonable that if need be, they can reduce the amount the give to him, in order to attend your wedding.
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One thing we all have to remember as we put so much effort into our weddings is that for everyone else, it's just one day. So if your NY family has known about your date for a while, if they were planning to come, having another wedding 5 days prior that is local for them shouldn't pose a problem.
Because you're happy for your cousin's marriage to his long-time girlfriend, it sounds like you're most upset that you can't attend his wedding because it's so close to your own. I can understand that. Have you mentioned that to him yet? In the end, I think your own wedding will be fine, and as much as it would upset me too to share my wedding week, I'd be happy that those who truly want to make time to celebrate with me will be there.
I would be crushed if someone in my family did this! For me it would cause some of my family to choose between the weddings and that would be very upsetting. I'm so sorry!
I would be annoyed with the situation, but not the person. I am sure there were just as many things going into the date choosing for them as there was for you; cost, convenience, etc.
It's the same thing as if your sister all of the sudden says she's pregnant and due the day before your wedding...not ideal timing, and sure, a disappointing situation...but you really can't be ANGRY with her because in the end, what really matters is health.
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My FI and I set our date for 09-05-09 and my cousin set his for 08-29-09 a couple of months after we told them ours. Then my other cosin got engaged this February and now has set her date on 09-12-09. I'm with you on the whole upset part.
I'm a little confused about how his wedding being 5 days before yours is causing a financial burden for your guests. Even if his wedding was a month after yours, guests would still be spending the same combined amount of money on both weddings so what difference does it make that the weddings are 5 days apart? My cousin is getting married 7 days before me and he lives 3000 miles away. Nothing is stopping guests from attending both of our weddings and if they can afford it, they will. As far as I'm concerned, as long as the wedding is not the same weekend as your wedding, it shouldn't be a problem.
I probably would be annoyed, but there are so many factors involved in picking a wedding date, cost being a major one-and unfortunatly our weddings don't revlove around everyone else. Plus your guests have known about your wedding for a long time so I don't see how your cousin's wedding will have a negative affect on them attending yours. We don't own our wedding day, or wedding month, or wedding year, and every other couple has exactly the same right that we have to pick a time that is suitable for them. I know it's upsetting, and I can empathize, but it mostl likely has nothing to do with you so just keep telling yourself that.
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Really guys? Two weddings in one month wouldn't be a little overwhelming for you? Hopefully since they've known about yours for a while, OP, they'll have saved up the appropriate amount of money to attend your wedding and having a more last-minute wedding like this (your cousin's) thrown into the mix wouldn't ruin anything for anyone. But I know if I found out I had to attend two weddings in less than a week, I'd be a little stressed. Stressed to find the funds to attend both - even a wedding in the same state might mean travel and lodging expenses, babysitters, a gift, etc., plus all the same expenses again (plus quite a bit more for travel) just a few days later.
Not to mention the potential problem of having to take off additional time from work. If I'm going to Florida for a Saturday wedding, I'm taking off Friday to attend, with a Sunday wedding the weekend before, which, depending on if it's an evening wedding, I might have to take off Monday. The cousin and his new wife will likely not be able to attend the OP's wedding if they're on a honeymoon and his immediate family might be completely worn out from the wedding they just threw, so they might not attend the OP's wedding either. She can't attend his wedding because her's is the following weekend, and I'm guessing her immediate family won't be able to fly to New York five days before her wedding because they'll be doing last-minute planning.
And I don't know about you guys, but when I attend a wedding, it takes a lot out of me. I don't like to just pop in to say congrats to the couple and then get out of there. A wedding weekend is full of activities and little sleep for me and the thought of doing it two weekends in a row is a little daunting. If they were both family, I'd attend both, but I wouldn't enjoy myself as much.
OP, this is a crappy situation your cousin put you in, and he was being inconsiderate. The best you can do is assume he didn't do it intentionally and he has really, really good reasons for going with that date. Let it go and know that those who matter will make it to both weddings. It's nice that you're considering the problems this will create for your guests, but since you can't change the situation, hopefully you can make the best of it. Maybe you can even incorporate something extra into your wedding weekend to help de-stress the guests who are going to a wedding the second weekend in a row.
I think I'd be annoyed. I put quite a bit of effort into scheduling my wedding at a time when it wouldn't interfere with someone elses. There really isn't anything you can do at this point, so don't sweat it, although you might want to get your invites out a little earlier.
I would be annoyed. I mean, I understand the people who are like, "just get over it," but this isn't some mutual friend you think is copying you. This is your family, and they are stealing your thunder and possibly your guests! And if your family can't afford to go to two weddings in a week, they'll pick the more local one - and that is incredibly frustrating!
I think if they are set on the date, all you can do is try your best to get over your hurt feelings, because they cleraly don't realize it's a problem. It's okay to be upset, but it's not okay to suddenly stop speaking to your cousin over it.
Did they pick the date because of the availability of the place they booked? Because then they really can't control it, and the best you can do is say, at least its not the same weekend....
My fiance and I are doing this to his sister... and we feel terrible! This is how it happened... He asked me to marry him one morning over breakfast without having bought the ring yet! He meant it... and we happily began planning, but did not tell his family, because they are very traditional. Meanwhile he spent a few months saving a little extra dough, had the ring made by a designer and planned a "proper proposal". We had already booked our date of June 19th, at a dream location, and put down a non-refundable $3,000 deposit, when his sister announced that she was engaged. They quickly announced that the date would be June 25.
My guy just proposed yesterday and we are telling his family today.... but I will forever be the bride that stole the thunder I think! We are not going to change our date... but we are obviously going to postpone the honeymoon! I know his sisters and mother might be upset and will think that I am bridezilla! I love them all dearly and I want nothing more than happiness for his sister. Sorry you are also having that experience... It might not be meant to hurt you.
poor mishmangold! maybe you can take his sister aside and explain to her what REALLY happened (or let her send her invited out before yours if there will be a lot of OOT'ers.
honestly I think it's different with family. I do see it as a financial burden , along with the stress of travel costs , most family members DO give gifts. megalla didn't say she was "angry" or "livid" , but I think being upset is entirely ok. One of my good friends had he wedding the week after mine we did discus date options because it WAS a financial burden on our mutual friends. even if they are spending the same amount IF they go to both if they are 2 weeks or 2 months apart , we did have some friends who could not go to both . while there is nothing you can do to have him change the date , I do think you have the right to feel upset .
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Totally inappropriate - you have a right to be angry but don't let it consume you and ruin your own wedding. I agree with others - if people had been planning to attend your wedding than given his is local, it shouldn't change their plans. Good luck! --- And I felt guilty planning a wedding 3 weeks after a new co-worker/friend even though our guests lists don't overlap (other than each other)!
Wow - so much negativity - What everyone needs to remember that planning your OWN wedding is so personal to you. But, everyone else has their own lives to lead. i don't buy into anyone stealing anyone else's thunder.
I'd be pissed but what's done is done. I don't think that moving the date is possible at this point so you should put that behind you.
Have you talked to any of the mutual guests? How much of a percentage is it of the total guests? I would be sure to send out ur invites early and get the RSVPs in since there is a large margin of who may or may not come because of this. On the bright side maybe this will weed out some of the family guests you invited cuz they are family and you can have more friends there ;)
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I have had my wedding planned and announced for Saturday, October 10, 2009 since August of 2008. I live in Florida and all of my cousins live in New York. I just found out that my one of my cousin in New York who got engaged about 2 months ago has scheduled his wedding for Sunday October 4, 2009 - only 5 days before mine. He doesn't see why my family is upset with this.
Am I wrong? I just don't understand how my only relatives in New York will be able to afford and attend two weddings in one week in separate parts of the country. My cousins reasoning is that they saved alot of money by booking that date but I think that this is just wrong.
I am a bridesmaid for a family members wedding in July in New York and specifically waited a few months to have our wedding so there would not be a burden on the family.
Let me know if I'm overreacting.