Post # 1
I have had my wedding planned and announced for Saturday, October 10, 2009 since August of 2008. I live in Florida and all of my cousins live in New York. I just found out that my one of my cousin in New York who got engaged about 2 months ago has scheduled his wedding for Sunday October 4, 2009 – only 5 days before mine. He doesn’t see why my family is upset with this.
Am I wrong? I just don’t understand how my only relatives in New York will be able to afford and attend two weddings in one week in separate parts of the country. My cousins reasoning is that they saved alot of money by booking that date but I think that this is just wrong.
I am a bridesmaid for a family members wedding in July in New York and specifically waited a few months to have our wedding so there would not be a burden on the family.
Let me know if I’m overreacting.
Post # 3
Definately not overreacting….I would be mad too.
Post # 4
I’d be incredibly pissed off too! Yikes…
The most important thing to remember is that the people that love you will find a way to get there. I’d fly to the other end of the world if my closest cousin was getting married next week! This is a day to be surrounded by your closest loved ones & friends… if anything this double week wedding will just ensure that your day is full of love & support. 🙂
Post # 5
I’d be upset too. And especially since it’s before your wedding. Just curious, how many OOT guests? It sounds like you and your cousin live in different states. So who would have more OOT guests? I would think the decent thing for most folks would be, if they can’t make both, they would honor going to yours, because it was planned much further in advance.
Post # 6
Totally not overreacting. I would be upset too. Its a shame your cousin doesn’t realize this. What does his bride say?
Post # 7
My wedding is in Florida and his is in New York. There are about 40 mutual guests and all 40 are my OOT guests since they all live in New York.
Apparently both him and his fiance don’t see anything wrong with it. My mom actually spoke with him today and he just doesn’t get it.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed to.
When we got engaged we literally sat down with a calendar and put at least a 2 week buffer on each side of the weddings of our friends for the coming 12 months. This included sisters/brothers of our close friends too. We came up with only a handful of weekends then that would work after we factored out holiday weekends.
People can be very insensative. We at least tried to be nice.
Post # 9
i actually don’t see anything wrong with it. many of us get to the point in our lives where we are attending 2-3 weddings per season because so many people are getting engaged, and sometimes weddings on a close timeline are inevitable.
I admit that 5 days is pretty close. However, if your reason for being mad is the inconvenience it will cause your 40 mutual family members, i don’t buy it. The NY wedding is relatively local for them, and they’ve also known about your date for a while so they have planned for travel. if it were the other way around, it might be inappropriate. So what "burden" exactly has his local wedding created? This makes me think that the real reason you are upset has more to do with his short engagement and planning his wedding sooner than yours versus your long engagement and long-term planning. Those feelings are totally legitimate, and I understand them perfectly, but to pass off your dissatisfaction as "inconveniencing family" is unfair to yourself – you might be better able to let this go emotionally if you step back and examine the true reason you are irritated at his wedding date.
Post # 10
I think your cousin’s wedding date would be harder on the family members for whom you think that two weddings would be a "burden" than it is on you. You should realize that if family members can’t come to your wedding for financial reasons, it has nothing to do with their relationships with you. Plus, a wedding shouldn’t be a burden on anyone. There are only so many weekends in a year, maybe your cousin has a reason for wanting to get married sooner rather than later, or whatever. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Post # 11
I’m going to agree with Mrs. Bear on this one. It might be wedding-overload for your guests but since the NY wedding is local for them, they really won’t be burdened.
It’s totally OK to feel like your cousin is overshadowing your wedding. But I suggest you look those feelings in the eye and tell them to get a move on. You’re getting married, it’s going to be a beautiful day no matter what your guests do the weekend before or weekend after your wedding!
Post # 12
Sorry to say, but I don’t see what’s wrong with what your cousin did. My best friend and I booked our weddings 2 weeks apart from each other (she was engaged first, but I found my wedding date first) and we were fine with it. I realize that it’s unfortunate that they both require extensive travel, but at least he didn’t book it on the same day as yours. THAT would be grounds for being angry. Sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but I hope you both have gorgeous days and things work out ok!
Post # 13
mrsbear: I’m aware that wedding season is coming and all of my cousins are around the same age so multiple weddings a year are going to be inevitable. Honestly, I have no problem with his short engagement, they have been together for quite a few years and a long engagement isn’t necessary. I would rather they have scheduled this for a month earlier or a month later rather than 5 days before. The burden it places on family is a financial one. I’m thrilled for him and would have loved to attend but because of the date it just isn’t possible for me and my immediate family.
Post # 14
So are you upset because you won’t be able to go? Do you feel like he doesn’t care if you go? Who is financially burdened, beside your parents? I think for your 40 guests, if they planned on going to your wedding, (since they’ve been aware of it for awhile) they can plan accordingly so that they can atill sttend. If cousin’s wedding is local, the only money they should be out is whatever they give them as a gift. I think it would be reasonable that if need be, they can reduce the amount the give to him, in order to attend your wedding.
Post # 15
I’d be upset too.. It’s beating you to the punch in a way..
Post # 16
One thing we all have to remember as we put so much effort into our weddings is that for everyone else, it’s just one day. So if your NY family has known about your date for a while, if they were planning to come, having another wedding 5 days prior that is local for them shouldn’t pose a problem.
Because you’re happy for your cousin’s marriage to his long-time girlfriend, it sounds like you’re most upset that you can’t attend his wedding because it’s so close to your own. I can understand that. Have you mentioned that to him yet? In the end, I think your own wedding will be fine, and as much as it would upset me too to share my wedding week, I’d be happy that those who truly want to make time to celebrate with me will be there.