Post # 1
Fiance and I are having two ceremonies & receptions (at a restaurant) – one civil and the other religious about one year apart. They are being held in our respective hometowns, about 20k miles apart.
We don’t expect most people to attend both – only the one that is closest to them.
What should we do with the invitations as we don’t want to give the impression that we are trying to double dip on gifts? We DO NOT want any gifts in actuality!!
Do we send invites to my side for the wedding in my hometown only, but not to his side? And vice versa for his hometown?
Or do we scrap the invite idea completely and tell guests we’ll advise of details informally if they are interested in attending?
Or send proper invitations to everyone for both ceremonies??
Thanks v. much
Post # 3
These are two separate events, so you should compile two separate guest lists. It is a sad-but-general rule of entertaining that you cannot invite everyone to everything, so you simply have to orchestrate the event that you want to have while allowing for the fact that your guests can always decline.
For each wedding, invite anyone for whom the ceremony will be particularly meaningful — which means that people who respect both the law and your religious beliefs might be invited to both. Then for each wedding, fill the rest of the guestlist with people who live close to that ceremony site.
Gifts have nothing to do with it. Despite the tendency of brides on message-boards to obsess about money and material, give your guests the benefit of the doubt and assume they are too high-minded to think ill of your kind invitation.
Post # 4
I like aspasia’s answer.
I think if you are being upfront with people about the fact that there are 2 ceremonies and that the reason is because of distances and wanting to be able to involve everyone, then the “gift grabby” notion won’t even come to mind to people.
Post # 5
I think apart from immediate family or super close friends, you should just send people invitations to whichever event is closest to them. Not because it will seem gift grabby, but because if people can’t come because of money or distance then they might feel bad. So just invite people to the event they are likely to come to.
I think its great that you’re doing two separate events so people won’t have to travel to celebrate with you.
Post # 6
I second the one invite to the event closest to them. It has nothing to do with gifts just ability to attend.