Post # 1
Sooo. Although my lovely bride and I cannot get married legally in Virginia, we have decided to have our actual wedding at a nearby park, have a reception and all that rot here in Richmond. The only thing that sucks is that it will not be legally binding, although I suspect in the next ten years VA will be forced to grow up due to the catastrophic unconstitutionality of certain federal laws I will not name.
Anyway, two days later, we will go up to DC and have our legal ceremony, officiated by the same person, and with all the same guests invited, but it will not be like the whole shindig we are having in Richmond. I’m talking literally a two-minute, standing up “Do you? Do you? Good, you’re married, kiss her” type thing, followed by lunch and maybe some museum-visiting, picture-taking, wander-around-the-capitol-in-wedding-clothes-and-hope-for-free-shwag type deal. No chairs, no catering, no music, no photographer. Obviously, not every guest will be able to attend the legal marriage due to time and money constraints, which is fine.
My question is: we don’t know if we should offer to buy everyone’s lunch or not. They are there for us, and it is our legal ceremony, but we have really framed it in the way we feel is appropriate: the real wedding will have been two days before, complete with dinner, dancing, and more free booze than Lindsey Lohan’s house. The legal ceremony has been framed as the “extra”. Nobody is really expected to come, but if they can and would like to, they are welcome to join us. What do you guys think? Should we spring for lunch or not?
Post # 3
I don’t think you should have to spring for lunch unless you are specifically making reservations at a sit down restaurant for the group… then they might expect it. More than likely your friends will offer to spring for you and your partners’ meals.
Post # 4
I would vote for feeding them, but honestly it’s up to you. If you’re really phrasing it as “we’re going to do this, love for you to join, maybe we’ll hang out in DC too” then it’s probably just fine to have everyone cover their own lunch. But if it ends up just being a couple of your closest friends or a small, intimate group, then I think treating everyone is a really nice thing to do.
Basically, I think the people close enough to come with you will understand either way (maybe even want to treat you and your wife to lunch). But then again, I have never been known as a stickler for etiquette…
Post # 5
I think it depends on the number of people and their expectations whether you should (read: not “have to”), but you are by no means obligated to feed them all TWICE. 😉 If it’s not too expensive, it might be a nice gesture, but if you spread the word that it’s just an extra little trip, they should get that everyone’s going dutch.
Congrats, btw! Hopefully VA will pull its head out of its ass soon. It’s horrifically unfair.
Post # 6
I would think that lunch could be very informal–the nearest burger joint or pizza place would be fine. But if they actually come to DC for the ceremony, feeding them something would be nice.
Given that Virginia still effectively prevents second parent adoptions for same-sex couples, I suspect it is not going to have same-sex marriage any time soon.
Post # 7
I voted to feed them because they are making that special trip to DC to be there and support you. It’s a nice gesture and it may not be expected but I’m sure it’ll be appreciated!
Post # 8
I’m thinking that if you presented them with an invitation, you should feed them. It certainly doesn’t need to be expensive. For me, there is something about celebrations and food going hand-in-hand. Even if this is a second ceremony, a meal would be nice. May every one of us enjoy marriage on an equal foundation in the not-so-distant future. It is only just and right.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I wish you and your Fiance all the best.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heritage Square Museum
It’s funny b/c I don’t really think you should have to feed everyone twice, but at the same time, if they’re gonna travel to show their support….
Then maybe a little cheapie lunch wouldn’t be too bad? Something family style, or super casual? Or what about just doing cupcakes/dessert and champagne?