(Closed) Two weddings

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

All of those are good ideas- it just comes down to your own personal choice.

We’re having a civil ceremony and reception in my hometown in April, then two months later a religious ceremony and reception in his hometown in Italy.

It sounds a bit mad, but really, it seems to be working out for the best. This way means that almost all our families will get to "see" us married in a ceremony- especially important as if we’d had only one there would have been so many people who could not have traveled internationally.

I was worried that some guests might feel slighted if they were part of the "re-inactment", but we’ve heard nothing like that. People are just excited they get to celebrate with us.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

ok i have a question along those same lines.

We’re getting married in Dallas at the end of May. He is from Nashville and so, naturally, lots of people can’t come that far-and we couldnt invite tons of people just bc of space issues as well.

We’re doing a reception in Nashville a month or so after the wedding/honeymoon. I want it to be where he wears a suite and I wear my dress again bc i think people would love to get to feel like they were a little more a part of it and actually get to "see" what we looked like on our wedding day. I just dont know how to go about doing this without making it too formal?

Any suggestions? Is this a weird idea of mine to start with?

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We are also having two weddings!

We are having a religious ceremony and reception in FI home country in Africa in a couple months.  Unfortunately we couldn’t convince my parents/family to travel there, so it will be just his family and hopefully a handful of friends.

In July we are having a civil ceremony and 200 person reception here in the US.  This will include both of our families.

We contemplated not doing a second ceremony, just a reception. but a couple reasons we went for it 1) its easier to be married legally in the US anyways, so rather than going to the courthouse, better to have family/friends who cant make other wedding to witness it 2) I found a dress with a beautiful train and it seemed a waste with no ceremony.

The final reason was bc my parents ended up not being able to travel to the 1st ceremony, and I have to have my parents present at my wedding ceremony.

Not sure which will be our wedding anniversary though!  

Post # 7
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

MZ- two things that have helped was making our events different and distinct from each other. Our civil wedding will be very intimate, in a small chaple, officiated by a long-time acquaintance, and the reception following will be very lively, with lots of music and dancing. Our religious ceremony will be more somber and "structured" (it’s a traditional Catholic mass), and the reception following will be a large lunch- tons of food, but not a lot of music/dancing. This has mentally helped me separate the two- the first I consider a promise made to my FI in front of friends and family, in a way that celebrates us as a unique and special couple. The second is a more traditional style- an affirmation of our commitment witnessed by those present in the church with us.

Really, think of it as getting the best of both worlds. You don’t have to narrow down all your planning decisions to one thing- you get two! Focus on how you can make the ceremonies/receptions different and you will start to think of them as two different things completely.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

carrieitly-

 

so is your "2nd" reception/ceremony going to be a "formal" event in which you wear your dress, etc again?

Post # 10
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I’m having two weddings per say.  The first will be in a courthouse with immediate family and 2 friends who live in the area (de facto photographers!).  The second will be a short ceremony with a friend officiating and reception.  Then we have a UK reception.  Oof.

I totally plan on wearing my wedding dress as many times as possible, two if not three times.  Might as well get mileage out of it!  My sister is planning on going to all three celebrations, while my other friends are trying to figure out how to come to the US and UK receptions.  Celebrating happiness is always a good thing!

Talk to your fiance and see what his opinions are.  Would he feel uncomfortable about getting "married" again?  Does he like the idea of a religious blessing?  How uncomfortable do you feel about being given away again?  It’s up to you and I’m sure you have time to decide.

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We have already had one wedding and our second will be in July. The first was strictly for immigration purposes–we dressed up and my parents were there. His parents will fly from the UK for our second, and that will be the day that we invite all of our guests. No one minds that we had a more quiet one–they’re all happy to see us get married, just as other posters have said!

Post # 12
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@marsting87– yes our "2nd" ceremony/reception will be formal and I’ll be wearing the dress again.

I’m using the same dress but I’ll have different veils (fingertip length for the civil/cathedral length for the mass), jewelry (sparkly for the first, more demure for the second), and shoes- after seeing my FSIL’s wedding shoes I realized one pair (mine are ivory and suseptible to dirt) would not look so hot the second time around… I’ll also be doing my hair and make-up differently…. just anything I can think of to make them really feel like two seperate events.

Post # 13
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Hi,

I say have 2 ceremonies if that is what you want.  We will have 2 ceremonies – the first just for the 2 of us and the second in front of f&f in a church.  We have not told most people about "our" ceremony b/c we don’t want them to feel slighted.  However, when I let it slip, most folks just laughed and said "whatever you want to do."  Maybe they are talking behind my back, but who care.     

If you feel uneasy, just treat them like 2 separate events and make sure that you don’t try to act like you aren’t married.  I have tried to stay away from cliche phrases and things that make it seem like our first wedding (ex: "join us as Caliwed and — unite in marriage").  I honestly think that most people are very understanding so don’t sweat it!  Plus, it is actually kind of fun b/c I get to have 2 separate days.   

@marsting – I am from Nashville and don’t think it would be odd to wear your dress.  But, I might recommend that you wear it to great the guests as they enter, walk into the party and have your first dance, and then change into something knee length.  As you probably know, most people in Nashville often dress down to these types of events.  However, if you don’t mind be the best dressed person there, then by all means – keep the dress on : )

Post # 14
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think it would be really nice for you to have some kind of ceremony for your guests in the States.

I know some people who don’t think it’s ‘worth it’ to travel for just a reception.

I think 4 months would be too soon for a renewal, but a blessing would be lovely.

Or do like Mrs. SeaBreeze and write your own ceremony- even if it’s not legally binding.

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