Post # 1
Hey there fellow Bees!! I’ve read many of the post on here about waiting for boyrfriends to commit, so I thought i’d tune in for some advice!
Mr. B and I met in college in Indiana. We didn’t get involved right off the bat, but by the second semester we were going ahead full steam. We were inseperable, always together, having a blast, sharing a love for music (we were both music majors). He drug his feet about asking me to officially be his girlfriend but when he did I was soooo glad! After being together a while we began to talk about marriage. I took the idea and ran with it, thinking we would be married within a year. All of the sudden he’s apprehensive and dragging his feet again. Sadly no engagement followed and I didn’t return to school the following year, but he remained. Thus putting us in a long distance relationship. This was INCREDIBLY HARD for us both..one of the hardest things i’ve been through I must say, as we rarely saw eachother in the year we were apart, and both were busy with work and school.
He recently moved here in July to work as the music minister at my church. I was beyond thrilled to be reunited with the love of my life!! He’s been getting settled in to life in the South and i’ve been assuming engagement would be soon to follow. The luxury apartment he moved to we both picked out (me with US in mind, him I guess not so much) I bought dishes, my mother and I unpacked him while he was on tour and decorated his bathroom and such. As of now, we’ve been together two years, he has the ring, I have my dress, he has stable income..but yet he hasn’t asked me to marry him.. Two of my friends both got engaged yesterday and by the time I heard about the second one I was in tears bc I want to be so badly!! We’ve been together longer than most of my friends who are engaed now and I can’t help but be jealous and a little resentful.
What can I do bees? I’m coming to the end of my rope!
Post # 3
I think you need to let him propose in his own time. Some may think 2 years is a long time to wait for an engagement but I personally don’t (having waited more than 5 years myself). If he has the ring, then it seems as though a proposal is inevitable. I suggest chilling out a little and letting it happen when it happens. You never know, maybe he has something in the works…
Post # 4
Have the two of you talked about getting engaged recently? It sounds to me like you talked about it before you were long distance. I’m not saying that long distance breaks up relationships but it does change things and afterward you have to adjust to being together again. I know it’s hard waiting but if you have been talking about it a lot, that sometimes puts guys off of proposing because they think that all their GF wants is an engagement ring (stupid I know).
Post # 5
2 years?! I agree with the above. That’s not a long time at all. Certainly not long enough to be coming to the end of your rope.
You also have to think about the others who are getting married after not being together so long. While that may work for some people, it’s not going to work for a lot. The more you learn about eachother before you get married, the better.
Post # 6
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: We were practically engaged when I moved back home, but it’s been a major adjustment since we’ve been apart getting reaquainted with eachother..I try not to talk about it, I know it makes him feel pressured.. He also had already asked my parents for my hand and it all seemed to be going forward but has suddenly stopped. That’s what’s kind of tripping me up right now I guess..
Post # 7
I think it’s really smart to take some time to adjust after college (new cities and jobs) without the extra pressure of an engagement. Don’t worry at all! I’m a lot older than you and we still waited about 3 years before getting engaged. The timing is not the most important thing. It sounds like your relationship is still going well, right?
Post # 8
enjoy what you have right now. 2 years is not long at all, I waited 7 years before a proposal. If it aint broke, don’t fix it.
Post # 9
I think you should talk to him – as it’s important that you both be on the same page. When you talked about marriage – he may have thought you would start talking but not taking immediate action to marry – where to you, it meant starting wedding planning and buying a dress immediately. Perhaps you two are not on the same page timewise? When you talked about marriage – how concrete were the discussions? I mean – did you just talk about “the future”, or start setting specific dates and more concrete things?
I ask because you say you were “practically engaged” – what does “engaged” mean to you? I think to a lot of people, you are engaged or you are not engaged, there’s no a lot of gray area. Maybe the words mean something different to you than they do to your boyfriend?
You are quite young and dating seriously for a relatively short period of time compared to the course of your life (even if it feels long because others are getting engaged). If you really feel “at the end of your rope” at 20, and jealous of friends – maybe ask yourself why there needs to be an engagement right now. You are enjoying your relationship, no?
Post # 10
@JaneyD: Yes we get along great, still madly in love, and best friends Both busy with work, school, and church. His family just visited from KY for Christmas and that went really well..I half expected him to pop the question while everyone was here. lol
Post # 11
2 years when you are so young is not very long. Most guys simply aren’t ready at that age – and you have a lot of growing/exeriences to do/have as well that would greatly benefit your relationship. But perhaps most importantly, it sounds like you are making assumptions about his actions without actually talking to him about what his thoughts/intentions are. And that’s a huge deal. Marriage is all about open communication. Talk to him about both of your timelines, intentions, wants and needs, and the WHYS behind them. It’s a very important talk that will keep you from playing the guessing game you are currently going through.
Post # 12
Hi, two years is nothing, my boyfriend proposed to me after 6 years and and for different reasons we still gonna wait few more years for our wedding. Our ten years anniversary might make a very good date for a wedding as it falls on a saturday 😉
Post # 13
Ok, I was waiting to see if someone else asked but since they didn’t I have to….
Did you buy your wedding dress or are you wearing one that was passed down? If you purchased it and he knows you purchased it, maybe he’s a little put off by that. I know FI would have been if I purchased a dress before being officially engaged.
Post # 14
@emathews08: No worries! You have the dress, he’s got the ring, it’ll happen for sure!
Post # 15
@mireisen: I agree with you- he has the ring, it will happen.
OP – If you are still left wondering why it hasn’t happened yet, maybe you can talk to your parents about probing for you, so you don’t have to bring it up. I mean, seeing how he did ask them for your hand, I am sure they too are wondering when is the proposal going to take place. And they have every right to ask (from the parent of an almost teen daughter).
Post # 16
@armychica06:Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice guys. I do enjoy our relationship and know our future is bright. For clarification “practically engaged” means we were planning the wedding, talking guest list, rings, money ect. I’m confident things will work out, just get a little tired of waiting sometimes. Ecspecially when we had talked and planned over a year ago. I’ve been waiting for the question to be popped since then. I’ve been open with both he and my parents seeking guidance and wisdom!