TY Card Ettiquette– Questions

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7079 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@RheannaRaye:  No gift = no card. I mean, you could thank them for coming if you wanted to, but you are not expected to (unless they helped with the wedding or really, REALLY went out of their way to go). Same goes for just a card… no need to send a ty. 

As for the guest with a guest… I would send a thank you to whoever signed the card. If the guest of the guest signed it, I’d assume they went in on the gift and therefore deserve thanks. 

Post # 4
3303 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know the “rules” but we sent thank yous to everyone who attended…we were very grateful they came out and celebrated our marriage with us.  We did send combined thank yous to guests with guests even if they didn’t live together.

Post # 5
10521 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011


#2- I say it’s up to you.  If they travelled, I would really consider it.

#3 – How they signed the card is a good way to handle this.

#4 – This can be seen as fishing for a gift.  Unless they helped out in some way, or if they had to travel to get there, don’t give them a TY.

Post # 6
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are sending cards to all who attended or sent gifts without attending.

Post # 7
30423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s up to you, but generally no gift = no card. As for the +1 of your guest, it kind of depends in my mind – if they’re someone you know, i’d include them in the card. Otherwise, I’d just leave them off. But that’s just me!

Post # 8
1243 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know what the etiquette “rules” are, but I plan to send a thank you card to everyone who attends. As I see it, we invited them to our wedding because we love them and wanted to celebrate our day with them. I am grateful they took time out of their lives to do that, hence why I will thank them.

Imagine this scenario: You invite 50 people to your wedding. 45 people regret, but send a gift. 5 people attend but bring no gift.  Who made your day more memorable? To me, it’s the people who were there that made your day, not just the people who sent gifts.

Post # 9
873 posts
Busy bee

I think a card should be sent to everyone, I mean aren’t you thankful they came?

Post # 10
1018 posts
Bumble bee

Why wouldn’t everyone who came get a thank you card? And those who didn’t come but sent a gift…

Post # 11
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

2- No gift = no card.  I thanked them at the wedding.  My husbands co-worker said he would give us a gift after our honeymoon (back in June) and so far we have received nothing.  He also RSVP’d with his wife and came alone.


3- Guests who came with a +1, 

My friend came with her boyfriend who she started dating after I sent out invitations.  She signed his name to the card and they are still dating.  I am addressing the envelope to her alone but inside I will address the card to both.

My cousin came with her boyfriend but signed the card with her name and her kids (who didn’t come).  For the thank you, I am going to address the envelope to her and family and the same for the inside of the card.  I am not going to mention the boyfriends name.


4- This didn’t happen to me, but no card is necessary.

Post # 12
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My plan is to send a thank you card to:

1. Guests who gave gifts, cards, or letters

2. Guests who travelled out of town to attend (this is 90% of my guest list)

3. People who didn’t attend but sent gifts, cards, or letters

The reception/open bar are the “thank you” for local guests’ attendance.  It’s not that I’m not grateful or that I don’t think their attendance made my day more special, it’s that their recognition has already been taken care of.

Post # 13
2462 posts
Buzzing bee

@ValerieBee03:  Because sending a thank you note to someone who didn’t get you a gift can look like your fishing for a present or reminding them that they didn’t give you one.

Post # 14
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@whitums:  Oh. I guess I didn’t think of it that way because I wouldn’t take it that way as a guest. But I never go to weddings without a gift either. But I think if I went, and for whatever reason didn’t bring a gift, I’d still appreciate a “thanks for being there to make our day special!” sort of thing.

I just think it’s better to send a thank you card when you don’t know if you should than to not send one at all.

Post # 15
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@RheannaRaye:  2. Card.

3. Card to guest you invited mentioning that it was nice to meet ____.

4. Card.

Anyone who attends, regardless of whether or not she gave a gift, gets a card.

Post # 16
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@whitums:  A heartfelt thank you note doesn’t fish for a gift.  

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