Post # 1
Maybe its all the wedding talk and deciding what to do.
Maybe if it was really meant to be we would already have a venue picked out and a deposit on it.
Maybe its not meant to be?
we fight and fight and fight Fiance and I and its getting to a point where i just want a break from our relationship.
Things dont seem the same since we moved in together. its like they know we arent going anywhere once we buy a house with them so they just stop treating us like they use too. He always does a great job spoiling and loving me like crazy but lately i havent been feeling it. i know i am crazy but why doesnt he fight for me to stay like when we werent living together. Why doesnt he just beg for me like he use too. things seem so blah and now with wedding planning i just want to scream! i wish he would pay more attention to me and make definite wedding plans with me. hell i just wish he showed me more attention.
sorry so long i just had to vent!
Post # 3
It is probably a lot of stuff to take in. Just give each other some space. I think fighting comes with wedding planning! Even if you don’t realize it, it is really stressful for both of you. Maybe take a break from planning for a bit and focus just on you two. Do things that you used to do together before you moved in. I hope things start getting better!!!!
Post # 4
You stated that he won’t “fight for you to stay” and “beg like he used to” and I’m assuming you are talking about when the two of you broke up in the past??
Post # 5
I’d go into couples counseling together and sort through some of these issues.
Post # 6
I’m thinking that when you say “fight for you to stay” and “beg like he used to” you mean when you guys fought before? Can I ask what it is you’re fighting about? Usually, it’s not good when you’re fighting so much that he has to beg you to come back. After a lot of that, he might be beaten down and not feeling like you’re listening to him, or that you’re just fighting with him to fight.
Also, who are “they” and “them?” His parents? Your parents? I’m just a little confused by your post.
Post # 7
You should bring these concerns up with him, but realize that living with someone IS different and your relationship changes. Why do you want him to beg you to stay? You do have to talk to him about it–to an extent, wanting more attention is a valid concern, but it is also true that he could be feeling smothered by having you around all the time. Living with someone is an adjustment.
Post # 8
i agree with the suggestion on couples counseling..your wedding a a long way away and if you guys are having problems where he has to “beg you to stay”, that’s not good. things are going to get more stressful the closer you get. maybe a counselor can help you both learn to communicate with each other and not let disagreements get to that level.
Post # 9
How long have you been living together?
It takes time to get used to each other living in the same space. You also need to take some time away from each other, so you have other stuff to talk about and get excited about.
Guys, for the most part, don’t really see the point or care much about the wedding planning. They are under the impression that all this “stuff” that we want is not necessary and they just go a long with it because they want us to be happy.
Wedding planning should not be about fighting. My Fiance and I don’t fight about it at all, but when we moved in together we did have our fights. We were just getting used to each other and had to figure out how to live side by side. We were both used to doing things on our own and in out own time. Living together is about compromise. No one always gets what they want, but they do the best they can to make the other person happy. If the other person is happy, chances are you will be happy too.
As far as the planning goes, I pick my favorites, as far as the vendors; ie., venue, go and just show him those ones. When I picked our venue, I had my real favorite and one other as backup because my favorite was out of our budget. We went to the all time favorite first and he fell in love with it too. We talked to the venue and they gave us a trememdous discount for having our wedding off season and on a weeknight. We didn’t even go to the other one. Just make your budget and stick to it. Give him only choices that you know in the end will make you both happy.
You still have time to find a venue and your other vendors. Maybe take a break from the wedding for a month and just get to know each other in your new home, then you can start planning.
Post # 10
you know how you use to fight about stupid things and hung up and he called right back over and over until text until you answered or called him back. thats what i meant. now that we live together its like we fight and he doesnt do anything or say anything just always assumes it better in the next five minutes. thats what i meant by beg and fight for me. its like he doesnt care anymore.
we havent ever broke up before. we have been together for 3 years and engaged for 9 months and lived together for 10 months.
I guess we are still getting use to each other ways or maybe i am just really emotional time of the month or something.
Post # 11
oops by they and them i mean boys, men, guys, the males…. lol
Post # 12
ok girls well i told him that we needed to talk tonight but then i couldnt hold it in and just exploded and emailed him how i felt. he just emailed me back so i need to read it ill keep yall updated and where it goes from here.
Post # 13
Hmm…I definitely would recommend counseling for the both of you. I’ve never hung up on my husband in the 6 years we’ve been together (dating and married). Yes, we do fight, and yes things do get heated, but there’s a time where you need to be able to cool off so that you don’t say things that you don’t mean. I don’t know that the way you’re fighting is healthy for your relationship. It sounds as if you’re fighting a lot and nothing is getting resolved, so you’re starting to resent each other. Counseling will help you to realize what the cause of those fights are and how to constructively argue with each other.
Post # 14
Why does he have to “fight for you to stay” or “beg for you” – what leads up to him having to do/say something like that? Why does the fighting get to that level – could you both work on keeping calmer, and talking (vs. fighting/shouting/yelling/hanging up on each other) about the issues?
Honestly (and I don’t know if this is just my relationship, or age or whatever) but when I first started dating R, we argued about something and I hung up on him, expecting him to call right back, like you say you did. He flat out told me he wasn’t going to play games – he wasn’t nasty or mad about it, just serious. It’s childish. And he’s right, that’s a game – hanging up on people to get the attention and reaction you want from him. You can’t do that long term, for attention, or to solve issues.
If the venue is your biggest stressor right now, what is/are the reasons you don’t have a venue picked out? Have you made a list of possible venues that fit within your budget and what you are looking for, and showed them to him (or, asked him to help look)? Have you visited venues? Have you told him how stressed you are about the venue? Sometimes guys can be clueless, and not really know how stressing a specific issue can be.
I agree with Noritake that wedding planning shouldn’t be about fighting. There are lots of uber-stressful events you will run into in your marriage, wedding planning is one of those, but definitely not the last. Can you make a written list of the issues you are having, and what you want done about the issues, and sit down and talk with him about each one?
Sorry you are feeling so stressed out, it isn’t healthy or fun to fight so much. I also like the idea of taking a break from planning to spend some quality time with just you and your man. You guys have been together a long time, maybe you just need to “reconnect” a little?
Post # 15
to be honest, no i don’t know what it’s like to fight like that and have him call and call until i pick up.
i work in the mental health field… and please don’t take this as being mean, but i would really encourage couples counseling for you both in order to learn ways to communicate with each other better and cope with your anger BEFORE you get married..not all couples fight and argue like that.
Post # 16
I think counseling does sound like a good idea. It sounds like you both need to learn to fight fairly. Fiance and I do argue, yes, but leaving, or threatening to leave is never an option for us. We try not to say things that we don’t mean. Counseling will help. Good luck!