(Closed) Ugghh, need support

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry about your trouble.  I had to move across the country for my husband’s job.  We had to leave behind our home that we bought and rent it out and I have been without a job since we moved.  It’s hard because people don’t really understand.  I think it would be even harder for the two of you to be apart for 4 years or more.

Post # 4
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh guitargirl, I’m sorry to hear this! This is one of the toughest things about relationships, I think, especially when careers are just being established. It’s hard to compormise and make sacrifices, especially if you are leaving a lot behind.

I know it’s hard, but worrying doesn’t do much good (although tough to stop, trust me, I’m a the queen bee of worrying!). You two will have a great life together wherever you are! Is there any comfort that he might be in Hawaii – I know it’s far away but how exciting!

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sorry you are in this situation. It’s a really hard situation to be in. You have a lot of things going for you – a job you love, a house, family and friends. That’s all a HUGE part of your life and  A LOT to leave behind. You are totally justified in feeling frustrated or worried or dissapointed or anything else you feel. Don’t let others get you down. Unless they are in this same situation, it can be difficult for anyone else to imagine how hard it is.

I don’t have a whole lot of advice to offer, but I can offer encouragment and let you know you’re not alone! I’m FINALLY getting settled into my job. I’m finally adjusted and really starting to love my job. I look forward to going to work and all my co-workers are super fun and they’re all exactly my age, which is really nice. I’m near my parents and my childhood home and my friends and my cat. And come wedding time in a few months I am going to leave all of this behind and move across the country to be with my FH. It’s scary and daunting and all of the sudden I’m not sure how I feel about this. I can’t wait to live with my fiance and be in the same state, let alone the same apartment (yay!) but I’m worried and I’ll admit, very sad to leave behind so a job, family and friends.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful, but there are other bees out there in your shoes and we’re supporting you!!

Post # 7
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

All I know is that where ever my FI will go I will follow him with all my heart. I mean I think it would be really hard to have a long-distance marriage especially for that long of a time. 1 year seems like forever. What if you two have a baby? in that span of time? How will you raise your baby all alone. You need his support not just financially. So my best advice would be for you to look for a job in Hawaii as well. I mean it’s your choice but you did make the commitment to marry him and the husband is supposed to be the provider (I don’t know if he will make an income or not during his residency, will he?) and the head of the house hold so you two need to sit down together and have a long talk and decide what to do…

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I didn’t leave my job for my husband and I’m glad I did. It’s VERY hard to move to a new place without a support system. For ME, I fared better here in St Louis while DH was away (near family and friends) than I did when I lived in Savannah and it was just him and me. I was more depressed there than I was here, away from him.

Just something to think about…when the time came for me to possibly move to Georgia (again), I didn’t want to do it. It was too hard to move away from my ENTIRE support system. Honestly, it was easier to just fly back and forth and visit him, as strange as that sounds to most people. I couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be my ‘everything’ and i wasn’t happy there. I wasn’t happy without him, either, but I was in a better emotional and mental state doing LDR.

I promise 1 year isn’t so bad. Keep yourself busy–as busy as you can. Then again, I did it for 4 years, so I know it’s easy to look back and say “yes 1 year is doable” but IT IS! But think about how you are–strong people prevail in long distance relationships and weak people don’t. I’ve seen many friends fall apart–they just weren’t strong enough to do it.

@futuremrsgibbs, i’m not sure where you got that her husband is supposed to be her provider and the head of the household (maybe they are an old-fashioned household, maybe not, but she didn’t say)…it sounds like the OP has a solid job (plus a contract!) and would lose a LOT of savings, not to mention her house. Not to mention her husband is in residency, not making much money, and has student loans. She could put herself and her FI in a financial predicament.

Post # 9
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@futuremrsgibbs- I looked through a few previous posts of the OP’s and she’s a physician which is not a job you could easily pick up and leave. It sounds to me like she’s the provider for the household at this point. Yes, a year may seem like a long time, but it’s the smart thing to do in this situation. She’s under contract for a year with her employer. I don’t want to speak for the OP, but I think they sound smart enough to decide when the right time to have a child would be. Also, my husband is in the military and is gone for long periods of time sometimes, but that doesn’t make him any less of the “head of the household” and he doesn’t support me any less because he is gone.

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Crossing fingers and toes for you!!!! And hour away would be awesome!!!

Post # 12
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Crossing my fingers for you!

If you have to do ld though, you’ll make it work. In the grand scheme of life one year is really nothing 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that good news comes your way!

Post # 15
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you are smart to be considering LDR, in my opinion.  A similar thing happened with Mr. Chicken Wing and I.  He wasn’t happy in the job he’d been working for the past 5 years, and there really wasn’t too many opportunities in “our” city for him.  He got offered the job he is currently in (2.5 hours away from me), and I encouraged him to take it.  He wanted me to automatically come with him, and I chose not to.

Here’s why:  I have two jobs (one full-time and one part-time) that I love.  My family is here, and they need me from time-to-time (medical reasons). If I stay at my full-time job until my 5 year anniversary with them (Jan. 2011), I get 100% vested in my 401k and an extra week of vacation (perfect for that honeymoon – hint, hint!)  

Basically, I weighed my options, and we decided to just try the LDR first and make sure he even is happy there.  If he isn’t, he can move back here and find another job. If he is, then we know we need to have the conversation of where we’ll reside once we get engaged/married.  It’s tough sometimes, but I believe that having patience and trying things out first usually works out best.

And on the bright side?  If you end up moving to HI, at least you get to go to a beautiful, tropical place!  I have friends that live there, and they all love it!  My advice would be to honor your contract and then make the decision from there.  Hope that helps and we are all here for you, girl!  

Post # 16
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Is there any hope for him to find a job around Ohio? Depending on where you live maybe he could commute?

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