- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
I am trying to not freak out about this, but I am so disappointed. Here’s how this happened:
We are having an “after party” in the evening after our brunch reception because my family is very conservative and religious and they don’t believe in dancing or drinking. FI and I like both, and the dancing part is especially important to him and his family. This seemed like a good compromise and I was excited to be able to celebrate twice!
My mom broke the news to her family and they just couldn’t get over the idea of her buying alcohol for the party, so she asked me if we would have FI’s parents pay for the bar (just beer and wine for about 50 people) so she could tell them it was their thing and smooth things over.
I asked FI to ask his parents about this MONTHS ago, but he has been busy and put it off. However, at the same time, we have been working on getting a musician for our ceremony that FI and his family really want – its a family friend, but he still wants us to pay out the kazoo because he’s becoming pretty successful.
My mom didn’t have $1000+ in the budget for a violinist, so FI asked his parents if they would pay for it, and they said they would. BEFORE he asked them about the bar. This really bothered me so I told him, please ask them about the bar soon.
So he did, and his mom responded, “Wow, we sure are paying for a lot…” which upsets me because I really don’t want them to feel that way. They said we don’t need to have alcohol at the after party, that none of their family will miss it.
Of course, my mom was more than happy about this because it makes things easier on her with her family, who is anti-drinking. She said that if people want to drink, they can go to the bar outside our reserved room and buy themselves a drink. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s a cash bar.
I know a lot of you will say it is okay to have a cash bar at an after-party but we aren’t providing a drop of alcohol at our reception, so I feel like its different. I also feel like many of our guests will come to a hosted party in the evening at a restaurant/bar rightfully expected for their glass of wine to be on us. I feel like they will think its cheap or tacky that I am clearly wearing an expensive dress but they have to shell out for a beer.
The thing is, my mom could pay for it, but she can’t because of the family situation. His parents certainly could as well, but they already put all their eggs in one basket with the musician. They are also paying for our honeymoon and the rehearsal dinner.
When FI and I talked about it, I told him how tacky I thought this was and how disappointed I am, and he thought I was overreacting and putting too much emphasis on the wrong things. He said he would try to save up the money to pay for it but he sounded none too pleased about that. I told him not to because it was clear he didn’t want to, and we are both broke.
So yeah. Cash bar it is. Yay.