Ugh, don't know what to do

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What would you do?
    Nothing - suck it up, you weren't honest to begin with. : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Start dropping hints and see if he picks them up. : (15 votes)
    19 %
    Tell him flat out you would like a different ring for X reason. : (48 votes)
    62 %
    Other - explained below. : (4 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    You both feel the same about your wedding bands and thats awesome!! If I was you I would just tell my husband how I felt about it. Your financial situation has changed, you could totally start putting money away for a new diamond/setting.

    * I was in a situation similar to you. Ive come to dislike my ring and asked my husband if he cares if I changed it, he doesnt care, he just wants me to be happy and wear something on THAT fiinger. 🙂 Good luck!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2927 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I say, bring it up like “Hey remember when you brought up trading in my ring…..?” “Well I found one that I just absolutely love…” “What do you think?”. My hubby does not care what I wear on my finger as long as I am happy and we can afford it. We are renewing our vows soon and I am getting a new setting!

    Post # 5
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @ringobsessed:  If you’re not happy please say something to DH! Why hold it in?? He’s your DH you should feel free to talk to him about anything 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1788 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would compromise as such: 

    Bring up his previous idea of upgrading your setting. Say that you remember talking about it a while ago, and now you’ve started to narrow down the styles you really like, so you think it would be fun and romantic to pick out a more intricate setting together. 

    But I would keep the original stone he proposed with. Look at it like this: his parents’ marriage had bad parts (the ugly divorce) and good parts (they brought your husband into this world). When you reset the stone, you can decide to take the good and leave the bad, because you were given the stone as the symbol of the best thing that came from their marriage – your marriage to your loving husband. 

    This way you don’t have to compromise the sentimentality of the ring he proposed with, and you can bring it up like it was all his idea from the start. I really do think that seeing your stone in a new pretty setting that you two picked out together could really change how you feel about it (as long as you don’t specifically want a larger or otherwise better stone).

    Post # 8
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    As a child of a (messy) divorce, I might take it personally that you don’t like the stone. Yes the marriage ended, but it’s a marriage that produced your husband, and your husband’s childhood… I dunno. I own my divorced mother’s engagement, wedding, and upgraded anniversary rings and cherish them very much. Because pretty or not, that’s my family history.

    Not trying to be like, “you should be ashamed!”, but it’s an angle to think from. The stone doesn’t have to represent the ended marriage, but your husband’s family as a whole, I guess.

    Edit: Yeah, what Taeyers said. Lol.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8702 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I don’t see what the divorce has to do with anything. The diamond didn’t cause them to divorce. It wasn’t the diamond’s fault. Things can’t be cursed or tainted, so why throw out a perfectly good diamond with a sentimental meaning and means something to your husband just because you can’t get over its history?

    History is in the past. It’s like saying you’re afraid to rent a car because somebody once threw up in it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10986 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I would begin by trying to have an unemotional, somewhat casual, but well-thought out converstation that goes something like this:

    YOU:  “Hey, Honey.  Do you remember telling me a long time ago that you had planned to upgrade my engagement ring — and how I told you back then that I didn’t want you to do that?”

    HIM:  “Yes … ?”

    YOU:  “Well, I have been hesitant to revisit this issue, because this ring does have a lot of sentimental value to me — particularly the diamond, since it was your mother’s.  However, here’s the thing — it honestly really bothers me that I am wearing as an engagement ring a diamond from a marriage that ended in a bitter divorce.  And, honestly, I now know that I much prefer a setting that (describe here.) 

    What I would really like to do — if you do not object — is to get an entirely new setting — and a new diamond for the new ring — but have your mother’s diamond reset into a necklace that I can wear instead.  Somehow, wearing it as a necklace makes it a piece of beautiful jewelry instead of a symbol of our relationship.

    I also would hold onto my original, cathedral setting as a sentimental piece. Perhaps I eventually will have a gemstone set into it, or maybe I will one day give it to our future daughter for her graduation (or whatever it is that you may want to do with it. I’m just making things up for you.)”

    And then see what happens.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3112 posts
    Sugar bee

    @ringobsessed:  First of all, stop beating yourself up!  IMO you did nothing wrong.  He caught you off guard, how were you supposed to know what you wanted??  Second, it’s time to speak up.  It sounds like he really cares about you and wants you to be happy.  A year ago, I brought up getting a new ring for our 5 year anniversary last month.  DH loved the idea (he likes to keep me happy :).  Just bring it up in a non-demanding way and see what he says.  I am soooo happy with my new ring!  I kept my original ring exactly as it was.  I wouldn’t mess with it for anything.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2002

    Be honest with him, he’s your husband.  Just tell him you’d like to change it up.  I traded mine completely in, as in saved nothing…toward my dream ring, after 8 years of marriage.  My husband didn’t mind at all, and I bet yours won’t either! My husband is much like yours, and very sentimentally attached to his ring.  However, he wasn’t upset that I wanted something different. 🙂  Just tell him, I think you’ll be glad you did!

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Tell him flat out; wait for a calm moment; plus you mentioned you’ve been married for sometime now.  If it matters a good deal, just bring it up gently but directly.  Why marry if one cannot bring issues up?

    Post # 15
    Member
    1106 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would def let him know, honestly I don’t think guys care that much.. Just tell him the solitaire is a little plain and you want something more intricate maybe for your birthday anni or Christmas. if you like intricate look at this beauty, I adore this ring if I wasn’t so in love with my ring I would be asking for this! Its also on sale at Kay’s from $2600 to 1,999 🙂

     

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    Post # 16
    Member
    1872 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Just be honest and tell him what you want. It’s seriously not that hard.

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