- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
I’m going incognito on this one. I feel terrible and don’t know what to do. I have been married for some time now, and every day I look at my engagement ring wishing it were something else. This seems SO trivial and should not matter in the grand scheme of things – I know this, and that’s why I’ve dealt with it for a LONG time. But here’s the thing: before hubbs and I got engaged, he had JUST started inquiring about ring preferences from me. Like, I was totally not expecting the engagement because pretty much the week before he started asking for what I liked. At that point, I had NO IDEA. I hadn’t given it any thought at all. So I started googling and telling him I liked this, this, this, this, this….. in other words, I had no real idea, they all looked lovely to me. So a week later when he proposed with a cathedral set solitaire, I was not only shocked but over the moon with the proposal. However, soon after I began recognizing that I really wasn’t that excited about the ring and I didn’t really show it off like I should. Through more research, I realized that I love intricate settings – complete opposite of what I have.
Then he told me it was his mother’s diamond that he had reset. I LOVE heirloom pieces and the sentimental ties to them. But his mom is divorced. This was her ring from his dad. They have been apart for about 12 years and it was a bad divorce. I can’t get that out of my head.
After the proposal, he kept telling me he wanted to upgrade my ring soon but just didn’t want to wait anymore for the proposal. I told him he did NOT have to do that because I’m just excited and honored to marry him. And I meant it. At least, I thought I did. He has not mentioned it since the beginning. Lately, I have become positively obsessed with the idea of a new ring. And I mean a whole new ring, diamond, setting, and all. I love my wedding band and will NOT change it but everything else… well, I just can’t get over the divorce thing. Ugh, so silly.
So I put myself into this position. I hadn’t been clear on what I liked, I told him this ring is great and I am happy with it, all the while I really have been more and more displeased with it on my finger. What do I do? I’m thinking I suck it up at this point because I was not honest with him from the beginning. (Here’s the thing – I know he choose this setting because money was not flowing at the time so a simple setting costs less. Times have changed and we’re in a different situation – does this make a difference?) Also, to really put the hole in the coffin, I bought a really cheap tungsten ring for him out of his request, because at the time he was working a job that was really tough on his hands and he didn’t want to risk ruining it. When I bought it, I told him when he was done with this (temporary) job I would buy him a real one, and since then he will not let me. He loves his cheap ring because it was his original wedding ring! (So shouldn’t I???)
I promise I’m not normally a selfish person, but maybe I’m being real ridiculous and selfish with this? Please be kind to me, and if you’re going to put me in my place, please do so nicely! I’m fragile right now. Lol.