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@waitinginNH: I think that each situation is different, if you feel that he should ask before you purchase the house, then you should definitely have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you don't feel comfortable purchasing a house together if you haven't made a more serious step towards marriage.
To be honest buying a home is a big commitment. If things don't work between you it gets much more comlicated. When we started talking about buying a house I was very openbefore we looked at a single house that I would not buy one until we were engaged.
We looked and found the perfect house. My FI knew how I felt and actually proposed one week before we closed (way to make me wait for it huh). It wasn't that we didn't talk about get married. I just felt that until we were ready to be commited to be together forever we probably weren't ready to take that step.
My FI and I started looking at houses before we were engaged. We both knew we were some day going to get married, so to us it just seemed natural to buy a house and stop renting (especially since our house payment is exactly what our rent payment was). It just so happened that he proposed three days before we put an offer on our house, but regardless of whether we were engaged, we were going to buy a house. It definitely is a big commitment though, and if you "know" that you two are meant to be, I don't see anything wrong with at least looking at houses. Who knows, maybe he's planning to propose soon? All I know is that it can be time consuming finding the right house and it can also take 30-60 days to close, depending on circumstances.
Good luck with house hunting once you start!!
I agree. I had the ring on my finger before buying the house. Ring January...house hunt started in February...closing in April...moved in June...I wasn't going to buy the house without the commitment. Though it just worked out for us this way, I didn't mention anything about the house having to come after the proposal.
I think you really need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart about how you want to be engaged before you buy a house together. It sounds like it's really important to you, and I don't want you to compromise your morals/ ideals just because of a tax credit. Admittedly, it is a huge tax credit, but I just don't think it's worth the resentment you might feel if you're not engaged before you move in. I know alot of girls who have bought the house first, and then had to wait around a LONG time to get engaged because the boy already felt like they were married. This is one of the things I would stick to my guns about, and I think you need to decide how much you want to compromise on it.
I wanted to be engaged before we bought our house. Unfortunately, things didn't end up working out that way - we found a house we LOVED, and I decided to just suck it up. I wanted this house (LOVE this house) and didn't want to miss out on it because I wanted to be engaged before we bought. Unfortunately for us, FH lost his job shortly after we bought, and it took about two years to get engaged. However, I am so much happier that our money goes toward our mortgage than into our landlord's pocket.
If he knows that's the scoop (that you don't want to buy together until you're engaged) then he knows... I found in my own situation that bringing that sort of thing up just made him feel pressured... But, argh! I hear ya!
FHA loans will be available after April.
And don't forget that you need like $8000 just to close on a house.
My BF and I just bought a house together, because of the $8,000 and also where we live the houses are selling at incredibly LOW prices. We got a GREAT house that we would have never been able to afford if we'd waited.
However, my boyfriend will be paying more of the montly morgage and there were times where he would almost try to over-rule me on a discision we didn't agree on. There were several times I thought to myself, *this* is why people shouldn't buy a house together unless they are married.
We both love our house, enough that we could easily live the rest of our lives in this house and be perfectly happy. I think buying a house with someone is stressful and a HUGE commitment no matter what. Having a house is one of the things I think my boyfriend envisioned doing before getting married. If you wait for him to propose you could miss out on your dream house. I also feel like in your situation, you may be putting some unwanted pressure on your BF to propose.
Him buying a house with you *is* a commitment to YOU.
I would tell him that you think you two should go look at houses together but that only one of you should be doing the down payment/name on mortgage until after you're engaged.
My boyfriend and I have looked into houses. We want to be engaged and have the house built before the wedding. We are waiting until we are 1. engaged, 2. have a wedding date set before we move any further. We found out about the first time home buyer deals and the down payment amount so we are saving and preparing for that now.
Here's the lawyer thing coming up, but even if you are engaged, you should have a written agreement about what will happen if you break up before the wedding, if you buy a house. Engagements are committments in the emotional sense, but not in the legal sense. As weird as it may seem, deciding what you will do, sell the house or have one of you buy out the other, will save you a lot of pain and trouble if you ever break up (hopefully that would never happen). I've seen some horrid situations where engagements are broken and then very expensive and heartwrenching litigation ensues regarding the house.
We took the plunge and bought a house together - even though it meant that I will have to wait a while longer to get that ring! We were at the end of our lease, had the deposit, and a nice incentive by the government to do it now, so we did. But as PlaidBride mentioned, you need to have that discussion about what happens if you break up - JUST in case. Its a huge financial obligation but for us there was never any doubt about it being the right thing to do - we know it will set us up for the future.
I was in a similar situation... I wanted to be engaged before buyging a house. It sounds like you have been upfront and honest with him about your feelings on the subject. So I would take it as a good sign that he is looking for homes on his lap-top right now :) If he knows you want to be engaged first, then I'm sure the ring is coming soon... at least that's how it played out with me. I would get frustrated because he seemed more into house hunting then ring hunting... little did I know he was doing the ring hunting on the sly :)
I don't think he should propose just because the home buyer's credit ends in April. Not a good way to start a marriage. He should do it when he is ready to make that step, not to buy a house. To each its own; but I would really advise against it. If it is meant to be, he will propose at the perfect time.
However, that being said, if you guys have already talked about getting married and you know for sure and he knows for sure you two are getting married; then, why wait, get engaged, start housing hunting, buy your first home and get married all in one year. It is going to take a lot of work, but you can do it. Why don't you propose to him?
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So we decided that we would both wait to buy a home until we could buy together--and I told him I didn't want to take a huge step like that w/ him unless we are engaged.
Now just to add an extra element of anxiety to things, the first time home buyers credit is available until April, I believe.
OK...so I don't want to be a real estate bride or anything, but dont you ladies think it would be in his best interest to ask soon so we can get house hunting and take advantage of the credit?!?! (along w/ the fact that he loves me and knows he wants to spend the rest of his life w/ me anyways!)
LOL just venting. I can see what he is doing on his laptop right now and he is looking at houses online as we speak...