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*DISCLAIMER: I THINK DIAMONDS ARE BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NEVER SAID THEY WERE UGLY AND LIFELESS. SO DON'T THINK I AM CALLING YOUR DIAMOND UGLY!*
I can't can't can't can't STAND that some women get so defensive and just downright plain snarky about diamonds and other gemstones. As soon as someone mentions they don't want a diamond for "ethical" reasons, the claws come out. Why? Why can't I say I don't want to contribute to mining and De Beers controlled industry? Why can't I say that I don't believe the Kimberly process is perfect and conflict diamonds are probably still smuggled through and stamped conflict free? Why can't I say that I feel better that the makers of my stone actually have health insurance benefits and aren't losing limbs and working in terrible conditions? Why can't I say that I hate that De Beers has control of the industry and just makes the price anything they want because they know people will pay?
I can't stand that non diamond engagement rings get such a bad rep. It's like some women are brainwashed into thinking engagement ring=diamond when it's only in recent living memory that this scheme was introduced. Before De Beers took control women didn't have diamonds for engagement rings. Now all of a sudden a company starts a "tradition" and it's law.
I can't stand that some women call Asha, Moissanite, White Sapphires, and any other colorless stone a "fake diamond" when in fact moissanite and white sapphire have their own chemical make up! These are gems in their own right, but because they are colorless, they are just trying to be diamonds.
I can't stand how some women believe that if it's NOT a diamond then he doesn't love you enough! WHAT!? Do some of these women realize how shallow that is? And I'm sure that very phrase was beat into their heads so that's why they repeat it. And I'm sure men are so pressured by that phrase, some of them go into debt just to get a diamond because anything else is just fake and not worth it.
I'm sorry, I'm just venting. We chose Moissanite and it's not because we couldn't afford a diamond. It's not because I was looking for something cheap to pass off as a diamond. First off, the ring wasn't cheap. Even with a discount it was still almost $1200. Second of all, everyone who knows me knows I have been against the diamond industry well before the movie "Blood Diamond" came out. In high school my term paper for English was about the De Beers marketing scheme and how it affected the market back then and how it's still affecting the market today. I grew up in WV and always knew the environmental damage and dangerous conditions that mining caused. So this is nothing new to me. I didn't jump on some bandwagon after the movie was released. I knew in high school that I did not want to contribute to the diamond industry.
So why does my SO love me any less than the guy who bought his girl a diamond?
I love non-diamond engagement rings. In fact, if I could do it again, I'd hint that I want one :)
My diamond is a diamond, yes, but it is utterly inexpensive. Dosen't mean that my husband loves me any less then the dude who spent 10 grand. In fact, who's to say that the dude who spent 10 grand isn't a jerk?? Ya never know !
I have a diamond, but I agree with most of what you said.
FWIW, I just saw that Prince William gave Kate Middleton his mother's engagement ring, which is a blue sapphire (although it does have some small diamonds on it). I think colored gemstones are beautiful!
Of course we're brainwashed that engagements mean diamond rings. I couldn't wait to get my diamond ring! I think it's riduculous that some people think that if you don't get a diamond, your FI doesn't love you enough. Obviously they're material girls. I can't help but laugh at how stupid they are. Yeah I said it! I'm sure if I was more creative I would've thought of getting something different than a diamond ring. Sadly I'm not
I completely agree and while I'm a diamond girl myself, I don't think other gemstone engagement rings are any less beautiful. I mean, just look at Kate Middleton's bling.
I can only wonder if other people's (especially women's) response comes from the way they were brought up or a fairytale view of romance. Either way, I think it's rude to dictate how other people's love should look/manifest itself.
Could it be possible that those women are jealous they didn't have the courage to choose something less "traditional" than a diamond?
Beautifully put! I fell into the same trap myself and love my beautiful diamond ring...yet at the same time, had we bought something less expensive we'd have more money for a downpayment on a house right now. Oh the diamond and wedding industry! How brainwashed they can make us and how much we'll spend!
I don't call or think of Asha, Moissanite, White Sapphires, and any other colorless stone a "fake diamond", they are it's own gem as mentioned... what I don't like are the people who try to pass of their non-diamond colorless stone as one, though it doesn't seem like anyone here is guilty of that and is very open about it, but it sure happens in real life. If you don't want a diamond, don't have one, totally open and cool with it. So am I! To each their own. I'll admit... my brain washed, sparkle loving, diamond desiring self wanted a big ol' diamond and sure as hell paid the price for it. Does my guy love me anymore or less? Nope. I'm just lucky as lucky as the next girl that got exactly what she wanted - diamond or not.
Wow--I can see how it must be frustrating to have people make assumptions about your ring. And I can appreciate the vent, who doesn't need to let it all out sometime? But, the reason it's frustrating is because it's unfamiliar to many people. AND, whether you mean to or not--you're probably offending people. I"m not offended by this post, btw, I'm just being honest.
FI bought my ring from Brilliant Earth bc my FI wanted a traditional ring, and I wanted a conflict free engagement ring. This was our compromise--is it perfect? Nope. But, when I tell people that my ring is "conflict free" they sometimes become offended and say thing like "but are your shoes conflict free?" to discredit our decision. To me, it doesn't make sense: if I bought a hybrid car, would people be put off? Would they point out that I don't live an entirely green lifestyle? Maybe.
In the end, the decisions you make with your FI are YOUR personal decisions. And we all know, logically, that the size or quality of your engagement ring is not an accurate indicator of your commitment to one another. It's a symbol of your promise that reflects your personal style. And I hope that you can learn to cope with the people that frustrate you, because I think you have a lot to teach people--clearly, you care about the topic and you've studied it. But be prepared for people to be up in arms.
I think those women feel the need to get defensive because if they didn't, they probably feel like they are admitting that they are brainwashed, fell into the trap, and are supporting blood diamonds.
I agree Miss Tattoo! However, sometimes I feel like I'm on the other side, of wanting to explain why I have a diamond ring instead of a gemstone, plain band, or even engagement watch! I feel the need to explain that its a family diamond, less anyone think that I knowingly contributed to blood diamond trade. (Although it could be argued that my great-grandfather bought it at a time when they were all blood diamonds..)
Anyway, I wish we were all more polite to each other and less judgy about the ring and more happy for the sentiment.
Thanks for the post!
@Miss Tattoo: Here Here Miss Tattoo!!!!!
I agree with everything you said! I wouldn't mind someone saying "I don't like moissanites because of such and such reason" it absolutely irks me when people say "I don't like moissanite because it is FAKE." It bothers me so much that some people feel that if you are wearing a moissanige/ asha/ white sapphire that you HAVE TO tell everyone, if you are wearing spanx and someone says "you look like you lost weight" you you automatically blurt out "It's spanx" I would with my girlfriends but if someone at work tells me that I would simple say "thank you."
I love the idea of a moissanite, I think it is so neat that it came from a meteorite. I told SO that I am very open to a moissanite but sadly he wants to go with the diamond because it's "tradition." I said to him "Yea a tradition started by the diamond insustry."
I see what you are saying and tend to agree but on the real, I tend not to get as passionate about it b/c diamond or no diamond working in a mine to dig up ANY stone is a horrid job. Do people really think that South African gold miners are treated any better? (that is for the many times I have heard "I would never support the unethical diamond business so I got a plain gold band"; ok sure)
It would be naive for me to think that my emerald is anymore ethical than anything else. To me, it's all pretty much bad. But these are the cultural expectations that we are dealt with and we all have to do our best with the knowledge that we do have.
What I am saying is not specific to DeBeers practices but to the oft heard (not necessarily you, OP) comments that somehow someone is better than another because they get one stone instead of the other.
The snarky comments about non-diamond engagement rings (which I have gotten a whole heaping pile off, mostly from people who are NOT engaged) do get an extreme side eye. Get a man first then come talk to me about ANY ring.
I guess I'm sick of people trying to tear other people down. I was on another forum and a girl asked about Moissanite and the other brides were so snarky towards her. They told her that she should just settle for a lower quality smaller diamond so she could still say she had a diamond on her finger. WTF? She didn't ask about a cheap diamond. She was asking for real life photos of Moissanite and even the girls who did post photos got shit about it. I wanted to just rip this one woman a new hole because she said, "There is nothing more special than a diamond." and I wanted to be like "Oh yeah? Then if they are so special, why does almost EVERY woman in America have one?" I mean my goodness, my mother bought my daughter a pair of tiny diamond studs. I would have never bought her diamonds, but it was a gift from my mother. Freaking babies are wearing diamonds and this lady was telling everyone that diamonds are special!?
I agree with pinkshoes. Trying to pass off a non diamond as a diamond is not right. People should be confident with their choices and not try to conform to a man made industry standard. If you want a diamond, then get one. If it takes your guy three years to save up for one then so be it. Don't try to go to non diamond route just to try and pass it off as one. If you are looking at Moissanite or anything else and you ask yourself, "I wonder if people will be able to tell it's not a diamond." then run away. Having a non diamond stone is not for you.
I tell everyone that my stones are moissanite and not diamonds. Most people don't even know what it is and are excited to learn that there are other options out there.
I don't think anybody has to have an engagement ring. Only if they want one and there are many beautiful rings out there made of all sorts of things. A Practical Wedding .com had a great discussion on this topic last week.
@Miss Tattoo: Totally agree. I have a non-diamond gemstone for ethical and personal reasons, and I heart it so much.
Gold mining is also another industry that has devestating environmental and social effects in many (usually developing) countries. My rings (e-ring and wedding band) are made from recycled gold.
I couldn’t agree more! If I could do it all over again, I would have gotten a pink sapphire, no question! Back when we were ring shopping, I found a custom jewelry maker on Etsy (Laurie Sarah). She made a ring that I would absolutely DIE for. It was a pear shape pink sapphire with a pink sapphire halo AND a diamond halo set on a diamond pave band. It was hands down my dream e-ring but FI wasn’t comfortable making such a large and important purchase through Etsy so we didn’t end up going with it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my e-ring but this ring is like PERFECTION to me! SWOON!!!
i agree with much of what you said, but you do realize that most gemstones are mined, right? also, while there is environmental impact from mining, their is also environmental impact from chemically created gemstones. so while diamonds are very controversial, saphhires dont grow from trees.
look, i agree that the debeers marketing machine has us all thinking that diamond solitaire = engagement. but i think sometimes women get very defensive of their choices - be if for a diamond, or ruby, or cz, or no ring at all. why does it even matter? who cares if someone has topaz or a sterling silver band?
I agree, Miss Tattoo. And this is slightly off-topic, but the environmental damage of mining in West Virginia is a crime of monumental proportions. So, so sad.
@EleanorRigby: Oh wow!! SO after all the recent fire of rumors, Kate and Prince William did get engaged! Huh. I guess tabloids aren't ONE-HUNDRED percent BS. And her/Princess Di's ring is beautiful.
My original e-ring is a sapphire and I got a new one made of Moissanite when I realized the sapphire wasn't right for me, though it is beautiful and what I always though I'd want. So I totally agree with OP here.
@FutureMrsMorgan: Exactly to my earlier point; let just keep it real here, none of us are gonna win the global award for Most Ethical Bride based on ANY e-ring choice, haha.
@LetsGoPens: Exactly! I wouldn't care if someone said, "I don't like moissanite because it's too blingy." I wouldn't care about that. Some women don't like bling. Some women go look for "warm" colored stones so they don't sparkle as much. That's what they like! I don't like the "fake" comments. UGH!
@Aubergold: Right! I didn't even get white gold in my setting because gold mining is way more damaging than diamond mining. Now do I live 100% green? No! I sometimes forget to recycle. I don't drive a hybrid. I don't have solar panels that power my house. I do make other steps to be as green as I can and I shouldn't have counterpoints thrown at me when I mention why I got moissanite. I shouldn't have to listen to people comment about every other aspect of my life (Well, what do you think about the plastic for your shampoo bottles! or I noticed you drink bottled water. Yeah, I'm sure you really care about the environment.) Ugh. It's like nowadays you can't say you care about the planet unless you live in a shack in the mountains living off the land.
And I agree with you that the most negative responses usually come from people who aren't even in relationships.
When looking at Moissanite at Helzberg, the sales rep said, "An engagement ring serves two purposes. 1. To look pretty and 2. To remind you and everyone around you that he loves you and wants to spend his life with you. That can be done with moissanite, emeralds, pearls, diamonds, ect. As long as it crosses off those two purposes, then you have the right stone for you. "
I have an inherited diamond. Had I not had it, we would have gone with moissanite. Ethical issues aside, I don't find a diamond ring to be worth (to me) ten times more than a moissanite ring. I find the moissanite to be just as beautiful. They are both gemstones in their own right...one is simply less expensive.
According to the logic that says the more he spends, the more he love you, my husband really doesn't love me...because all he paid for is the setting.
You know, I have to say that perhaps that reason why people get so up in arms about those that get all up in arms about NOT getting a diamond (for ethical or whatever reasons) is that they make such an issue of it. I wanted (and got) a real diamond, but I don't talk about it to people. When I got engaged, people asked to see the ring and I showed it, but I didn't talk about it, nor did I ever answer (or offer) any info or details about the size or the cost. Actually, i get a little annoyed when people say things like "woah that's a big stone. what size is it!?" I even had a coworker ask me what my fiance does for a living when she saw the ring. I mean, how incredbly rude is that?! And I think that's just as rude as commenting on whether or not someone got a non-diamond ring. I'm just of the opinion that it doesn't need to be discussed. It's my ring. It was a gift from my fiance. It's between us. Say that it's beautiful or that you're happy with it, but I don't think it's necessary to go on about why you got what you got. And I think that doing so only invites people to comment on in (which they will). There are a lot of issues tied into diamonds; issues of tradition, status, class, money, expectation, ethics, politics, etc. For everyone it's different, but most people seem to have strong personal feeling about what is right for them one way or another. That's why I just think it's best to get what you want and be secure in your own reasons, but not make a big deal about it. As long as you know you got and did what you feel is right for you, that should be enough.
I'm not a diamond girl either. Being an April baby, most every piece of jewelry I got was a diamond and I just want something different. I want a sapphire SO bad. But my mom told my FI that sapphires just didn't scream engagement. At least not if that was the center stone. WHAT? This is MY ring, I don't care if it screams engagement or not. FI and I haven't gone to look at any yet, but should he want to go with a clear stone, I'd probably do moissanite. But i've still got my fingers crossed for my sapphire...
@AlejandraRamos: That's true. I am not going out of my way to tell people it's moissanite, but when people ask, where I got my diamond or what color is my diamond or if I got my diamond at Jared, I am inclined to correct them and that's when the negative remarks start.
How about just having a piece of string as an engagement ring and a thicker string for a wedding band? 
That may win some battles. (Or rather start some.... "Where is the string from? Who made it? What is it made of, etc.") There is no winning! 
I think every woman has the right to wear the engagement ring of her choice without having to justify it to anyone. It is the most personal and meaningful piece of jewelry that most of us will own, and no one has the right to question or belittle our choice of stone. Wear your ring proudly and unapologetically. Anyone who dares to criticize needs an etiquette lesson.
I just have to say, some diamonds are ugly! haha. Especially the diamonds that look super huge and look like someone paid like half a mil for it or something.. I have seen diamond rings like that from very wealthy people and it's fine if you want to spend that kind of money I guess..but when it's like blinding you and you can't seem to even talk to the person cause you can't get passed the size or glare or the huge stone..it's just not attractive! I think of all the money they could have possibly gave to charity for just like settling for half the size or something. Like they are trying way to hard to say, I am filthy rich! I am thinking, I hope they aren't dumb enough to walk in a downtown area with that on..you know? I would worry about gettin mugged or something walking around with some stones I have seen. I think colored gems/glass/stones are lovely and unique. Kinda like red roses..doesn't everyone like those? I really don't! lol.
I agree with you, I think people should be able to choose diamond, sapphire, moissanite, etc without being questioned by others. It's a personal decision. I personally love amethyst and wanted my center stone to be an amethyst, but he got a diamond. I know down the road I will get another set and it will be exactly what I want, but I'm not going to tell him I don't want what he got me.
I personally don't know anyone who feels that way about diamonds. I think any person who is actually not happy for you about your engagement because the stone isn't a diamond is seriously misguided. If we couldn't afford a diamond I would be happy with a different stone like a sapphire or emerald. I don't really see why it's a big deal to wear a non-diamond ring. To each her own!
I love this ring he also gave me, hehe, and I wear it all the time..it's from a gumball machine..and of course, he asked me jokingly if I would marry him before he got put it on my finger..and hey it was only 25 cents! Love it:).
rng_001.jpg (1993.1 KB, 80 downloads) 1 year old
I drank the Kool-Aid. I love my diamond. I love everything about it. How it looks, feels, sparkles...the whole kit and kaboodle. And if I had to do it again, I'd totally choose the same thing. Even now that I know how much it costs. There's nothing wrong with women loving their "precious" anything. Sterling silver, platinum, gold, diamonds, emeralds, etc. etc. I also don't buy that everyone here posting about blood diamonds and all their ills, have totally altered their lifestyles to promote justice and fair trade for all. Do you drive a car? Do you buy gasoline? Do you wear leather? Do you buy anything from China/India? Do you buy only green/eco appliances? Do you pay more for renewable power in your homes? Do you use the a/c? How bout the heat? My point being, we all make compromises and choices in life. Some are money related. Some ethics based. Some are just purely preference. I promise not to look down on you for having a lab created diamond, or sapphire if you promise not to judge me because I like my diamond. MMMkay?
@Aubergold: and @FutureMrsMorgan: I totally agree with you. I feel like because I have a diamond, I'm looked down on b/c we didn't get it from a known conflict free distributer. So I can certainly understand why some brides get defensive when you say that your stone is completely conflict free. You're implying that they are supporting everything that has to do with blood diamonds. That wouldn't sit well with me either.
By all means, super that you enjoy your stones, but like Aubergold and Future MrsMorgan said, your stones are also mined or lab created that isn't always the best thing for the environment either.
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