(Closed) Ugh.. I shouldn't have done that.

posted 3 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

good come back! I probably would’ve done the same and then felt slightly bad lol I’m tired of hearing stats about school. If you get your doctorate you’re likely to earn…. Blah blah blah. No matter what when someone asks what I’m doing after college graduation they have some life changing advice to offer. I appreciate it but seriously it gets old and just stresses me out! When  I get engaged I’m sure ill hear the young person stats… Tho I already hear the ones about cohabitation from some people 

Post # 4
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  Come up with some dramatic story.. about how you have to because he only has 6 months to live or something. Okay, it’s sort of terrible but I feel like it’d put her in her place!! Or he needs the marriage to get papers to live with you in the US!!

Post # 6
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG LOL!!! That’s hilarious. 

Just as a side note – is that true?  I’m not blonde, but curious lol

Post # 8
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  Ah, yes I knew the fair skin thing.  That’s a good point. 

Still, funny as all hell that you did.  Hey – I’m of the camp that people shouldn’t get married too young, BUT I would never say that to someone who wasn’t ASKING for my opinion on the matter!  Like, when some girls come on here and say, “My parents won’t let us get married, why?” or whatever.  Never would I look at someone’s engagement ring and say, “You’re too young, don’t do this to yourself.” 

First, it’s flippin rude.  Second, it’s none of my business.  Third, I don’t even know the girl, why should I care!

Post # 9
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Nah, it’s OK. Her comments were rude and just a little too much. It would be one thing if she was just like, “Don’t get married” or something. But for someone who doesn’t know you to start blabbing statistics is kinda crazy.

DF works in retail and he said every time he tells a female customer that he’s getting married they ooo and ahhh. He said a male usually says, “don’t do it!” in a funny tone. I don’t think that’s so bad. (It comes up fairly often in his line of work). 

Post # 12
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  The statistics don’t say that 100% of young couples divorce lol.  So yes, there are exceptions!  That’s why I wouldn’t go around spouting “You should wait til you’re older!” to random strangers.  Statistics say a lot of things I don’t follow – like how driving a car is more dangerous than boarding a plane or whatever.  You don’t see ME walking around everywhere! lol

Post # 13
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  We’re waiting for our triplets to graduate high school first!!

Post # 14
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Chrysoberyl:  Me! We know all the same statistics as they do, we probably know them better since we’ve heard them so many times! Are we taking a risk? Yes. Why are we taking the risk? Because it is worth it. Period. I believe my relationship is worth defying the odds, that’s all, why is that so hard to understand? It’s based on more than crazy love and passion and looks. It’s based on respect, trust, honesty and communication, a belief in hard work and a great sense of humor. So yes, I know I’m young, I think I of all people should know this, I also know that no matter how old I become I could not find someone as suited for me as my FI.

 

Also, do they really think that because they tell you, usually people that do not know you, all of a sudden you’re going to realize that you’re making the mistake of a lifetime? Granted, I’m sure it happens for a few counted individuals, but overall it sours the experience a bit for the rest of us! I wish people would think about this, how many grandparents are divorced? At what age did they marry? How many parents do you know that are divorced? At what age did they marry? Maybe they would realize that it isn’t so much about age but much more about the perspective each generation had on marriage, I saw something on pintrest (many will think cliche w/e I loved it):”We came from a generation where when things were broken we didn’t throw them away, we fixed them.” The response of a couple who had been married 60+ years when asked how they did it. 

 

 I snapped at the ‘substitute’ hairdresser as well, made it completely personal and I am not proud of it either. Due to religion, divorce isn’t exactly an option for me, I know many find this idealistic and old fashioned, that’s just the way I was raised. After politely listening to her list all the reasons why her marriage fell apart and why men are pigs and what she wishes she would have done instead of getting married and having kids, I simply pointed out that due to religion and culture divorce wasn’t an option for me but that I was really sorry she had to go through that, and I was sure she would fare better with her new marriage. She laughed, made fun of me and then said that nobody enters a marriage thinking about divorce but that it is ALWAYS an option, a way out is necessary, especially once I realized how foolish I was for getting married so young. HOW RUDE!

 

Not only did she discredit my beliefs but also doomed my marriage to fail? Yeah, after 40 minutes I had had it, my snarky, bitchy response: Well, I’ll make an analogy, I’m sure everyone gains weight after marriage, I mean you should know (Mean girls worthy eye ball up and down), the problem is when it isnt fixed quickly or adamantly, when it is just allowed to sit as a comodity because hey, you’re married why sould you care about your looks. Those are the same reasons why marriages that started well end, at least the ones I have seen fall apart, the couple stops caring.

 

I felt terrible about it afterwards, I think it js the meanest I have ever been to anyone. Next time I went with my regular hairdresser, she had lost weight and was wearing makeup.

 

Post # 15
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

lol I am going to use this one. I from now on if people are going to be rude and comment on my age I just think I will be rude back.

Post # 16
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whenever I hear about people doing this, I could never imagine being SO RUDE to my customers. Even people who are being bitchy, I smile and “customer service” them out the door. So I’m shocked when I hear about people in retail who simply can’t contain themselves and take it upon themselves to scold their customers about their life choices… I’m patronizing the business that employs you, I didn’t come here to be accosted because I have different priorities in life than you do.

I mean, seriously, what does she expect you to say? “Oh my god, you’ve changed my entire view on my relationship! Here I was, ready to make a serious commitment for life, but now that a random cashier is telling me not to do it, I think I’m going to rethink that! Thank you so much, I think you know me better than I, and my friends and family do!”

And honestly, I think a manager would be interested to know that one of their cashiers is taking it upon herself to berate their customers. Or maybe corporate would be interested in that. I don’t work for Target, but in our store, any time someone emails a complaint to corporate, it’s a big deal. It gets printed and shown to the entire department in question, and people are talked to about how to prevent it in the future. I’m sure a corporation like Target would be similar.

ETA: @minipenguin: That’s another point. Statistics for divorce in older people aren’t exactly zero. It’s more than an age problem. My parents were thirty/forty when they got married, and while they’re still married on paper, they don’t even live together. The only reason they haven’t gotten divorced yet is because they’re too lazy to get it done, but they’re essentially separated. Then you have my FI’s grandparents, who did everything “wrong” (were in their twenties, got married quickly, had kids young), but are still together 40+ years later and are fairly wealthy.

There are all kinds of examples for people who made it, and people who didn’t make it, of all ages. The part that matters is whether both people are committed to working towards a healthy relationship. That’s why I’m going to be saying “I do” in a few months. Do I know where life is going to take us? No, but I want to make that journey together, and we’re always working towards having a healthy relationship.

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