Post # 1
I am visiting my parents for Christmas where they live, alsp where fi and I went to college. most of our friends live here and 75% of our bridal party. I tried getting together with my mOH several times with no success. She said she was busy running errands with her parents for like the last 3 days. I am starting to feel like after college everyone has grown apart esp since I moved for work. FI wants to buy a house but I keep telling him I want to save that money for the wedding. now I am realizing why would I put his dream on hold so we can spend 30k entertaining people I can’t even get up with when I am in town. I’m over the whole over the top wedding I think. We have already commited to some big expenses but from here on out I’m going budget. Why spend $6 an invite on people who won’t return my calls? Am I crazy? At this point id rather have a house. Help
Post # 3
@Tbblount: We were fighting the same idea.
I REALLY want a new house, I wanted a quick, cheap hot destination wedding, where I didn’t have to stress or plan anything. Turn it into a vacay and a wedding. Or elope. I wanted simple. My parents too wanted me to go away and get married. They would come of course, same with our friends, aunts and uncles, etc. BUT…
The FI wanted a real wedding. He always did. And his parents (don’t even make me go there) said they would NOT travel for our wedding (rudely changing our engagement annoucement into a negative time by stating this in the moment). We could have still went away, but I’d feel horrible knowing that my FI wanted his parents and grandma there and they weren’t. It would bother me greatly.
Fast forward…. Now we are spending close to $30,000 on a day I could live without. A day for his parents, and yet, his parents have given no moral support, financial support… they didn’t even ask about the day we picked, and they refuse to talk about the wedding (I think it also has to do with the fact I didn’t want a catholic wedding). I know that sounds bad, but I’m still driving the same car I had in University and I graduated 6 years ago now. We live in a TINY, old house. I want to travel. I want a new house. But everything has been put off because of the wedding.
Ultimately, you need to do whats best for you. Know you are not alone in feeling this way.
Do you feel you could cancel the wedding and feel comfortable with the choice for the rest of your life? In the end, what matters the most to you both?
Post # 4
@LoveLaceandWine: I think I’m too invested to cancel as maids have bought dresses, I’ve spend 3k on a dress and about 3k in deposits. We planned on having a trolley for the guests, boat exit etc that can all be foregone. I’ll likely pass on $300 of table runners and other details I thought was important. I think that scaling back will be my best bet.
Post # 5
@Tbblount: We’ve started doing the same. Got rid of our limo rental. Holding ceremony and reception in same place to save money, and we downsized the guest list, which also means a smaller and cheaper tent.
My rule is, if the person has not supported me at some point in my life and left a huge impact, or doesn’t support me now, I’m fine having my day without them. I want to be surrounded by those who love and support us on our day.
Post # 6
@Tbblount: I hear you. I’d rather have a house than a big wedding any day – and just to be clear, I absolutely adore weddings. If having a big wedding no longer makes sense to you, just scale back wherever you can. Cheaper food choices maybe, cheaper decor, cheaper flowers, perhaps you could even shave a few people off your guest list if you haven’t sent out your STDs or invitations yet.
It’s a win-win, really. You still get to have a proper wedding but by avoiding some unnecessary expense you’re also one step closer to your house. When you think about it, it’s rather perfect, isn’t it? 🙂
Good luck with your scaled back planning and Merry Christmas if you celebrate it 🙂
Post # 7
Follow your heart. You’ll be much happier for it.