Post # 1
First, I LOVE my in laws. They are wonderful people who have welcomed me into their family without hesitation (even though 5 years ago when Fiance and I first dated I broke their boy’s heart!!!). I really like them. They are kind, caring, and loving. We have great conversations and lots of laughs. If anything, they do too much. I don’t need Future Mother-In-Law to do my laundry when we’re visiting on the weekends, thankyouverymuch!
So… on came wedding planning. After our wake up call on the cost of weddings, and deciding to prioritize buying a home and starting a family, we decided to have only immediate family (about 25 ppl) with a small outdoor ceremony and dinner at a nice restaurant. It was going well until Future Mother-In-Law started inserting the phrase “do whatever you want, but I really wish my sister’s could be there” into every conversation. Fiance and I both have large families, so even limiting to aunts/uncles and just the closest of 1st cousins puts us at over 100 people. Eventually we caved to FMIL’s wishes and decided to have a bigger wedding.
However even though we’ve got some help from family and have found some great ways to cut costs (state park, won a free photography package, DIY projects, etc…) it is still costing us a lot of money. I’ve grudgingly accepted that it is they way it is, and am looking forward to the wedding, just not the cost.
And NOW Future Mother-In-Law says that we should have just invited immediate family only!! After the holidays where a lot of people were told about the wedding, after the wedding shower invites went out, and after most of the guests have been emailed a save the date and link to the wedding website. (Yes, I’m tacky like that!)
I want to scream! It’s too late to change anything now, even though now more than ever money is really tight, and I would change it if I could. I know it’s the first wedding for my Future In-Laws, and they are excited, but we are footing most of the bill.
ok, ranting is over now.
Post # 3
Oh man I would be peeved as well. Im in a similar sitatuon. Fiance and I both have HUGE families and same thing about aunts/uncles and first cousins. Im not inviting a LOT of my first cousins because my Future Mother-In-Law has upped her number from 50 to 84!! ANyways, back to you! Try not to let what your Future Mother-In-Law says get to you. I know that can be almost impossible, BUT you just have to remember that everything will be okay and it is just one day. ANd once the day comes, it will be beautiful and memorable and happy. Do what feels right for you – if you really only want to have 25 guests then maybe you could just do a bbq or party further down the line and invite all the guests to a more casual affair. Im sorry youre going through this! Weddings can make people crazy!!!
Post # 4
Ahhh… I completely sympathize. My Mother-In-Law is driving me crazy over my wedding, to the point that whenever she says/suggests ANYTHING I. Want. To. Slap. Her. Her suggestions are just so crazy/unhelpful/not what I want/annoying…. I know she’s just trying to be helpful but I wish she would just remember that the wedding isn’t about her, it’s about me and Fiance….
Anyway, now whenever she mentions ANYTHING about the wedding, I just smile and say things like “What a great idea!” or “Thank you so much- I will definitely have to think about that!” or else just smile and change the subject whenever those kinds of responses don’t work.
So… I would just try to smile and IGNORE her when she makes those kinds of comments. It’s not worth your energy to get stressed out by the Mother-In-Law, it’s just not. 🙂 You’re at the homestretch now, you have probably 8 million other things to worry about.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
HA! I’m in a very similar situation with the Rehearsal Dinner, which Future Mother-In-Law is in charge of…After ignoring repeated concerns/requests for a small, intimate 30-person rehearsal dinner and insisting that all out of town guests be invited (which is going to make it btwn 100-120 people attending), she then asks Mr Trail Mix when he was home over winter break why “the rehearsal dinner is getting so big” and “how did that happen?” IT HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU MADE IT HAPPEN!!!!! That’s the response in my head but I had to stay out of it before causing an absolute scene…
Bottom line; MIL’s are f-in nuts and say one thing and then a week later will completely contradict themselves…All you can do is smile, let it go and then sound off on your (hopefully understanding) FH later on…
I’m sorry tho, that is very very very frustrating!!!
Post # 6
LOL trailmix – you pretty much summed up all Future Mother-In-Law issues and in-law issues during wedding planning period – smile and sound off on the FH later and hope he understands hahahaha so true.