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UGH!
So, my cousin got engaged in may and has asked me to be my MOH and of course I said yes! I was excited for her until I got engaged and she started to make everything about our weddings into a competition!
Her FI got (and when I say got, I mean his mommy gave him) a ring to propose with--its a solitaire 1.8 diamond and all she does all day is flaunt that thing around! I mean please---he didn't even buy it himself!! Maybe she is flaunting it around since she grew up pretty poor and isn't use to nice things? Who knows...
So, when I got engaged over the summer, there was a surprise engagement party for us and after the party I found out that she was pissed that I got engaged. (um, sorry, but the whole world does not revolve around you!).
So reluctantly, I asked her to be my MOH out of obliation, since I'm hers (HORRIBLE mistake, I tell you).
My FI and I have decided to get married in July, and she's pissed/jealous since I am YOUNGER than her and getting married before her.
UGH! I CAN'T STAND HER but am faced to play "nice" since we are family. Speaking of family, I found out that she's not inviting some people from her family because according to her "they will just go to the reception anyways and not the ceremony"--ummm sorry, but isn't that what alot of people do as wedding guests? MAybe its perhaps that she looks down on her parents because they are immigrants to the country and don't really speak too much english? ionno.
She keeps talking about her venue and how its so beautiful and how her and her FI want to honeymoon in Europe for two weeks..and she says it in a way that is condesending to me.
she recently bought her dress and is rubbing that in my face because she "nearly spent 2k on it!!!!" ... if its such a big shock to you, why did you spend so much on it?!
she went to so.cal (where her fi is from) for a wedding, and she came back and the first thing she says is "My fmil just gave me four pounds of jewelery!!!"...um...who says that?! tacky? yes! (to me, at least)
her wedding is happening next Aug. and I don't even want to be there cause I seriously feel sorry for her FI for being stuck with her! He deserves so much better...sometimes I think that she is with him becuase he is far better well off than she is.
i am just soooo confused right now and i need to vent
do you guys ever feel in competition with your engaged "frenemies" ?!
Please, please, don't take offense at this (because I could be wrong), but you are coming across as pretty jealous of her. I agree, no one should have to "compete" with their MOH, but it's not a competition if you ignore her and focus on your own wedding. If you don't want to be at her wedding, and you don't want her at yours, then perhaps you should have a serious conversation with her about having different MOHs.
Just don't let it be a competition. She is clearly feeling threatened by the fact that you got engaged after her and set your wedding for a month before. I would just make it abundantly clear that you won't be playing her games. When she says super annoying stuff just be nice "wow! how generous of your mom, I'm so happy for you." "Well as long as you love the dress and have the money to spend on it, that sounds great! congratulations on finding "the one!""
I know it is hard but honestly it is just really hard to be mean to someone who is being sweet to you. I'd also just not tell her much about your wedding... its hard to try to top something when you don't know what you're topping. If she pushes you for details be vague.
@peyton--- haha thanks, but trust me, I am not jealous of her... its just hard to deal with someone when they are rubbing all this in your face.
Thanks for the advice CorgiTales! :) Gotta remember to kill her with kindness!
it is certainly worth a try! Of course after hitting her with kindness for a few solid weeks if she still isn't "killed" (so to speak)... then you might have to move on to plan B and just tell her you shoudl maybe pick new MOHs haha.
OH! AND GET THIS!
when my FI popped the question, he had a friend take pictures of the whole thing as it was happening--and so we have pictures of him on bended knee and slipping the ring on my finger and everything
when her FI proposed---it was kinda lame---at a restaurant--nothing relaly thoughtful, so she basically made him do it....AGAIN--FOUR MONTHS LATER! (so that she could get some pictures and her friends were there) how lame is that?!
Krystlew- You are coming across as being a bit mean. Your last example wasn't anything she did to you. As for her ring, who cares if her FI paid for it or not. She clearly loves it, why can't you just be happy for her?
Hmm, well first, my first impression agreed with Peyton. You sound a little jealous of the "stuff" she's getting. I know you said that isn't the case. But are you sure you're not a little jealous that she seems to be getting expensive stuff? (Honestly, I probably would be... at least a little.) I kind of picture this situation with someone who isn't jealous at all, and I'm feeling like the bride wouldn't be so angry. Maybe just annoyed. But maybe I'm wrong...
How do you know she's jealous of you being younger? Are you sure it isn't more about the part where you got engaged after and put your wedding a month before hers? While she doesn't own the entire summer, I can understand why she's upset that you planned a wedding that likely involves several family members, a month before hers, when she had hers set first. (Not that that should have anything to do with age.)
OK, moving on from that. She isn't really playing nice in the sand box. And I certainly can picture peole I know, in your description of her. These people are insecure about something. It doesn't help a ton. But if you think about how this is something that is a flaw in her, maybe you can let go of some of this.
Perhaps if you sit down and try to connect with her, you can disarm her. She might melt a bit. Maybe if the opportunity seems right, you can ask her if something is wrong. Are you mad about something? Is something about the wedding stressing you out?
Good luck.
JoeyEmma----first of all, its not like her FI can't afford a ring, but its basically a handout from mommy. and secondly, if you knew her at all, you would be calling her mean and snobby. Yeah I know the last example wasn't anything that she did to me, but it just shows how pathetic it is---i mean who in the world makes their FI popped the question twice?! LAME!
Tanya-- Thanks for the advice! I have thought about sitting down and talking to her---but the thing is---she's not outwardly b*tchy, she does it in a very manipulative way. She's made some comments about my age to some of her other bms before so I know that this is one factor that bothers her. I mean even BEFORE I got engaged, I mentioned to her when it is that my FI and I were planning to get married, so she knew ahead of time that we were pretty set for july!
Krystlew- So what if its a handout from mommy? Your sounding even meaner by pushing the issue that it bugs you that it was a "handout". So what? It sounds an amazing ring, it doesn't matter if it was paid for or not. I'm sure they can put the money they saved to something else, say a honeymoon in Europs
AWWWW! Krystlew, I feel for you! I TOTALLY understand what you are going through! My MOH is engaged and I feel like everything that is wedding related is a competition with her as well!! :( Tough it out, girl! Your wedding will totally be better than hers!! :)
I think it's important to consider the fact that you got engaged after her, after having already agreed to be her MOH and planned your wedding for a month before hers. I understand she doesn't own the summer, but seriously that's a little strange and must be very stressful on her. Especially as her MOH you should have talked to her first to ask if that was okay.
I actually try very hard not to tell anyone the cost of my wedding or the dress or the size of my ring because I don't want to sound like I"m showing off or make anyone feel bad. But like you said if she grew up in poverty she might just be really excited and wants to show off, not trying to hurt your feelings.
Overall it doesn't sound like you're angry about things she's doing to you it sounds like you're annoyed with her in general. I agree with Joey Emma - she wasn't doing anything wrong and you should be happy for her. Just because the ring was a handmedown and didn't cost her FH anything doesn't make it any less special either.
Morderndaisy---you are right--- I think am more annoyed than anything else. Even before I got engaged, she knew before hand that we have been wanting a July wedding---so she knew that during her planning process.
She sounds extra annoying but the pp's are right--the way you're saying it does make you sound a lil jealous, even though you're just telling us all this so we can get a perspective of her personality. She does sound kinda lame =] I'd probably start dropping the passive aggressive comment bombs. Plus, if you act like you don't care at all, it'll probably piss her off and she'll get annoyed. Versus saying something--which probably eggs it on more. It rubs me the wrong way when people get extra showy like "look at this! look at this!" cuz my parents do that and it drives me bonkers.
Look at it this way, she's so insecure she has to justify every penny of her life to you. Frankly, she sounds kind of pathetic from the viewpoint you paint her as. And immature. So take it with a grain of salt, roll your eyes, and move on. When she does something extra annoying, I'd probably deter the topic. Or say "aw that's nice" real nonchalant. If you don't have a discussion with her about it or engage her in converstaion, there's only so much prancing around she can do. Just say, "oh i'm glad that makes you happy" when she brings up the materialistic stuff, LOL. Kinda snarky, I know, but I'd so do it versus seethe.
I find that when I get annoyed with people it really helps to put things into perspective. And take some time away from them! But seriously, as her MOH you've got to be happy for her and supportive. I'm sure you asked her to be your MOH for a reason and it's hard to remember it when you're this angry.
Also, I always wanted a fall wedding and told my sister that all the time, but I got engaged shortly after her and she had already planned hers for the fall so we pushed ours to spring. It really wasn't a big deal for me and took a huge weight off her shoulders as well as our entire family that would have had to go to back-to-back weddings!
krystlew while i can kinda understand where your coming from, i think the best thing to do at this time would be to just ignore it all. Bascially it sounds like she either does it because she knows you'll react to her ignorance/rudeness etc etc OR maybe she just doesn't realize how much it bothers you????
Maybe the best thing to do is say to her, in passing, while not making it a big deal ..."Hey, so & so, i love ya and all, and i'm so glad we're both getting married, but i want this to be a happy time (for both of us) and i dont want to feel like i'm in a competition" and just be happy for eachother. I'm sure it is easier said than done...but good luck with it!
Honestly, everything you stated, sounds like anything a normal bride would do. What's the first thing we do when we get a ring? We show that sucker off to anyone that will look! It almost sounds like this girl can't share any good fortune with you without you getting upset and feeling like she's rubbing it in your face. It might be good to take a "break" from talking with her. I have a BFF that mother hens me like no other. It literally drives me insane. Sometimes she drives me so crazy I feel like I am going to come unglued on her...so, I take a little break from her so to speak...After awhile, I can "handle" her and her constant need to know every detail of my life a lot easier!
My husband popped the question twice.
And you seem upset that she picked a summer wedding... you weren't engaged when she set her date! Based on the OP and all your follow ups, you sound like quite the frenemy yourself.
a proper response to people saying your ring is gorgeous should never be "that's because its HUGE!" again--she may be like this cause she grew up poor.
johnsbride09--honestly, i don't think a guy would ever...EVER... pop the question twice--unless there was pressure from the girl for a better proposal after the first time. what kind of guy in their right mind would ever think "hmm... even though I already proposed and my fiance said yes, and i gave her the ring, I think i want to do it again." no guy would do it on his own accord. I am not upset because she is having a summer wedding---where in the post did you get that opinion anyways?? Did you not read the posts? I never said that I was annoyed of WHEN she's getting married, its her behaviors and her comments that I am annoyed and upset with.
Hi ladies,
Just a friendly reminder about our Comment Policy against personal attacks and snarkiness...Weddingbee is a place where we you can vent among friends and agree to disagree, so let's please keep that in mind as comments continue to come onto this thread.
Thanks in advance! 
Best,
-Lori
My bff back home has a ring that's gorgeous. It's over a 3 carat solitaire and it was her mom's. Her mom is deceased. She proudly wears it because it was worn with so much happiness by her mom and we see it as a beautiful heirloom and it's something so special to her. Your cousin was gifted an heirloom and they may pass it down to their kids as my bff will do with her ring to her daughter so she can have grandma's ring.
Did she show it off? Heck yea. Did I cheer her on? Heck yea! and I will do the same when i get engaged as I think it's just kinda normal to want to let everybody see how thrilled we are that we're in love and our guy wants to propose forever and a day to you.
I have had 3 work friends engaged before me and I'm thrilled for them. One of them came up to me and said "I hope I don't accidentally take your date b/c I know you're getting engaged soon". I said "no problem. I think it's sweet you asked and told me when yours is and you know we'll be next summer but it's all good." It's what it is. Everybody falls in love and unfortunately it is not on a timely schedule convenient for our friends or family. Pregnancies are kinda like that too! lol!
Try to find the joy in the situation. You two have alot in common. You're both in love, marrying THE guy, and have a chance to grow together instead of apart.
Post number 14. I think am more annoyed than anything else. Even before I got engaged, she knew before hand that we have been wanting a July wedding---so she knew that during her planning process.
And yes, my husband proposed twice on his own.
Johnsbride- I was replying to moderndaisy, saying that yes, I am more annoyed with her than anything. I am not pissed that she picked a summer wedding at all--my point is that she has no right to feel all pissy that my FI and I have chosen to get married before her--when she KNEW that we are getting married in July... if she wanted to get married before us, fine---its not my fault she picked an August date. oh, and p.s. DOUBTFUL. either that, or he totally screwed up the first one.
i honestly think she came here simply looking to vent(even though she asked the question). Don't get me wrong everyone is entitled to their own opinions and they have all been given. At this point Krystlew, the way I see it, you can either address the situation or completely ignore it. Either way I wish you the best and hope things get better between the two of you.
Just wanted to throw in my opinion on the whole proposing twice thing. My FI almost proposed twice (and was totally willing and happy to) just because he proposed while we were on vacation, and I told him that since it happened when we were on vacation it didn't feel entirely real. Once we got home, it finally sank in and felt real to me, but he was more than happy to do it again if I felt like it was still a dream or something, haha. I don't see anything wrong with proposing twice, as long as it's something he's okay with as well.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that though, I definitely know how you feel about people trying to one-up you and turn everything into a competition. It's ridiculous, but unfortunately all you can really do is ignore it. 
I hope things get better for you.
You mentioned the summer wedding even before responding to ModernDaisy. You do sound pretty annoyed. And you wonder why she's not pleasant to you when you describe her as tacky, lame, poor, snobby, and that you're sorry for her FI... ya think she's not getting that vibe from you??
And I'm sorry you don't seem to believe my engagement story.
I think he proposed just so they could get pictures, right?
Meh. Everytime they look at those photos, they'll remember they were staged.
Seriously, don't worry so much about her. She's getting under your skin too much and I bet she loooooves thinking that she does too!
Hey Hive! Maybe let's try to talk about our own personal experiences and avoid making blanket statements and generalizations? Sometimes we forget that everyone is different! What's strange to you might be amazing for someone else :)
My fiance also proposed twice, first because I was leaving town for a long time, and he wanted me to know he was in it for real before I left. We were both in tears and it was a beautiful moment. Then he "officially" proposed with a ring a year and a half later. So technically, while we weren't officially engaged, I had two proposals, and wouldn't have it any other way :)
Just ignore her. I know how you feel. I know someone who is getting married soon, and while I am not in her wedding party, she is annoying. I don't think it's a big deal that her FI didn't pay for the ring, but I can see you getting mad at her flaunting it. I mean it's different when you flaunt it to show it off cause it's pretty or something, but then it's another thing to show it off like "Oh look at my ring, it's so much better than anyone else's!" like the ring is more important than the meaning behind it, and that's how the woman I know who is getting married is.
I also don't agree with getting upset about someone else having a wedding close to someone elses. Who cares? You get one day, not the whole month, or year, or whatever. One day, that's it! So I kinda get annoyed with people who freak about that, cause really it is like "Calm down, the world doesn't revolve around you." So I also see you getting annoywed with her for getting mad at you for having the wedding a month before her. I don't think it's anyone's right to tell someone else when they should get married.
But Good luck to you! Hope everything works out!
I've heard of 2 proposals before. A friend of mine's husband proposed 2x. I think he was so nervous the first time, that the words just didn't come out right, so he did it again!
PS: My dad proposed to my mom over the phone, after she gave him an ultimatem (sp?) and they've been married for 30 years and have the most loving relationship I have ever seen. So I don't think anyone should be upset about how their fiance proposed.
My partner proposed to me 3 times :p...
I hope you are feeling better about the situation after venting krystlew...
I think venting is healthy as long as it's understood it's a vent. I do plenty of it trust me!
As for second or third engagements, I have a fun one here. My sis and bil got married and had the huge church wedding. They went on honeymoon in the bahamas and were so happy and so in love they wanted to say their vows again by the sand and surf there and did!
And they're having a vow renewal (guess you could call it a 3rd wedding) in vegas either next year or the year after!
:( your cousin really sounds like a work of art!! i hate snobby people!!
yeah, i think in order for you to enjoy your wedding planning process---perhaps you should cut her out of your bridal paty!!
YES!! It really does feel good to vent!
I guess what bothers me and annoys me the most is that she thinks that she is the queen of the world because she is marrying into a rich family. Again, perhaps due to her poor upbringing. But its still no excuse to rub it into someone's face--especially your MOH!
@krystlew, yeah i could see that could be annoying. but sometimes its easy to confuse her gushing with excitement for "bragging." i gush with excitement all the time about wedding stuff, i sure hope my people don't take it as bragging! it's important for us brides to cheer each other on! we're sisters during this special time in our lives!
I can see how you would be annoyed with your cousin, but maybe she feels the same towards you. Maybe the two of you can sit down, chat, and agree to both clear the slate and start fresh.
You keep saying that you think your cousin is annoying you because she "thinks that she is the queen of the world because she is marrying into a rich family." I'm just wondering what makes you think that about her? Is it at all possible that she is just super excited that she found an amazing man that she is just super excited to marry? I guess I'm just having a hard time with how you keep mentioning her poor upbringing...most girls, rich or poor, are usually super excited to get engaged and married, so I don't think her financial status has anything to do with the things she has been doing that seems to be getting on your nerves. Is it just possible, that from your point of view, that the line between bragging and excitement is getting blurred?
And just as an FYI...my husband tried to propose to me 3 different times, it's hard to explain if you aren't in the same situation, but it does happen, so I wouldn't be so judgmental with her about him proposing twice. In my opinion, if it made her happy, then that's all that should matter.
I ventured onto your post and thought I might offer a guys' perspective. Please don't take this the wrong way.
Your comment, "Her FI got (and when I say got, I mean his mommy gave him) a ring to propose with--its a solitaire 1.8 diamond and all she does all day is flaunt that thing around!" got me thinking about my own story.
When my dad proposed to my mom, they were so poor that he couldn't afford a ring. To top it off, certain members of my dad's family for one reason or another had it in for my mom and were openly hostile to their marriage. When it came time for me to pop the question to my future wife, my mom gave me a ring (a pretty nice one) that she wanted me to use to pop the question. It was a much nicer one than I could afford at the time. My mom said that she wanted to pass it on as a family heirloom, as a way of making my wife feel loved and welcomed as part of the family, something she never felt. I felt apprehensive about using it at first, because I wanted to pay my own way, but both my parents insisted and asked me to use the nice ring as a favor to them. My wife loved (and still loves!) the ring and I believe the gesture went a long way in showing her that my parents welcomed her with open arms.
Like all women, my wife happily showed off her ring to all our friends when we got engaged. She found out later, however, that one of her friends, while sweet to her face, had been talking behind her back, making fun of her for having a ring that her fiance didn't even buy, but was a "hand-me-down" from her in laws. That attitude hurt my wife quite a bit once she found out, especially since her friend didn't know the whole story.
It seems like you and your friend have a similar "frenemy" type situation going on. I encourage you to try and be happy for her (I hope she is happy for you and your engagement as well). If you guys are close enough to be each others' MOHs, perhaps it's worth it to try and talk your feelings out to try and be genuinely happy for each other. Just my two cents.
Just a few thoughts:
1) when did passing down a family ring or diamond become a hand me down?!?! it is an heirloom. And if a guy's parents are in the position to help him out with a ring, and they choose to do so, it is no one else's business.
2) i've read many posts about people being upset about a friend or family member picking a date right before their's even though they were engaged first. i have a hard time believing if the shoe was on the other foot and your cousin had picked a date one month or even the same month as your's that you would be thrilled about it (and just talking about wanting a july wedding doesn't make it set in stone) especially after reading about your reactions to everything else she has done. i am not saying she is right for being upset about it but maybe look at the whole picture.
3) don't insult other people's proposal experience...if you doubt anyone's story about how their FI proposed keep it to yourself..it just seems rude
4) repeated comments about her poor upbringing seem to be made in poor taste...just because someone has a poor upbringing does not mean they dont deserve all the good things everyone else wants.
5) with all this being said, I understand how people bragging and putting things in your face can be annoying. in my experience the people that do this are unhappy for some reason and want attention. if you are her MOH and friend maybe it would be good to sit down and talk to her. if you don't care if there is an underlying problem then just ignore it and chalk it up to her insecurities.
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