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I'm literally vibrating I'm so mad right now. I did some free interior design work for a friend of FI's in exchange for his family loaning us all of our dishware, glassware, and silverware for the wedding from their banquet hall. I literally devoted HOURS of time to their home (and his wife who is lovely but made me insane) so that we could save these few hundred dollars. If I had billed for what I did for her, it would have been upwards of $2000, so they were getting a good deal. I sent them a list of everything we needed, how many of each, etc about two months ago. Today I sent an email to firm things up and the wife calls and says how she thinks the stuff they have won't look nice (I saw it and it's fine) and that it's probably not a good idea. Seriously? Five weeks before my wedding, not TWO MONTHS AGO?! She's concerned about transporting it and she won't let me talk to tell her we were hiring a couple of guys and a truck to pick stuff up/drop things off, etc. When I finally do tell her, she's concerned about insurance and what if it all breaks, etc. So I was like okay, screw this, I told FI at the beginning this wasn't going to pan out and I was right.
I think she felt bad and she says "Well we haven't gotten your gift yet, so we were thinking maybe we could help with this....". I didn't even know what to say. All I could get out was "Ummm well that's very generous of you, but I don't even know what to say to you right now. I'm going to have to call the rental company and try to figure this out......". I'm freaking furious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the heck is wrong with people?! This isn't a kids birthday party, it's my f-ing wedding! Don't call yourself a friend and then just break your promises. Freaking jerks!!!! UGH!
Sorry. I feel better for getting it out. I see her point about the insurance, etc, but like give me 5 minutes to sort that out, it was FI's to deal with and I'm sure he would have made sure everything was safe and insured for worst case scenario. It just seemed from the start they had no intention of following through with their part of the deal. I knew this was going to happen. I'm totaly kicking myself.
I'd bill them for the work I did then, to be quite honest. Sounds rude, but they can't expect to get something for nothing!
@MandaMack: I'm really thinking about it. I'm going to let FI handle this when he gets back from his guys trip this weekend. I totally don't trust myself. I didn't know these people very well (FI's friends), so it's not like when I typically help friends out for no charge and it's a fun project. UGH!!!!!
aw that really stinks! Why would someone do that?!
I hope you get it all figured out. Instead of them "helping out" with the rentals they should cover the rentals
Edit- i was going to suggest billing them too but i didnt know how well you know them.
I agree with the PP, if you bartered design work for the rentals you need and you aren't getting your end of the barter.. then they owe you. Period.
@mishelleez: I think they should pay for them too, but how am I supposed to say that to them?! "Hey ya, you screwed me, here's the bill for the stuff we had to rent because you're a jerk!". UGH! It's an impossible position.
Oh that is just not cool! She must of been feeling this way for awhile now, why wouldn't she have voiced her reservations then? I do understand her point, but there is a way to figure that stuff out. I think you guys should try to figure out a plan B as opposed to trying to sell them on the idea. It sounds like it'll be too much of a hassle to deal with them. I'm so sorry you did all that work for them only to be shafted in the end :(
That totally sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I want you to call her and tell her she owes you $2,000 for the interior design work you did! Geez!! I can't believe she waited this long to tell you!
Ugh - that stinks! I'm frustrated for you!
They really should cover the cost of the rentals since they've left you high and dry. Either that, or you should bill them for your work.
What is wrong with people?!
I agree with everyone else. Seriously, she should hold up her end of the bargain, and if not, she owes you the money for all the work you did.
You should totally look into your back-up options and bill them for your services to them. This was a TOTAL bait and switch and that is NOT ok! I totally feel for you right now.
Maybe have your FI contact them and get more info? This is rediculous.
I think that you should call her and say that you understand her concerns about her dinnerware, and that becuase she isn't able to loan it to you, you are going to be billing her for the work you did. Then, take the money she pays you and use it to rent your dinnerware. She can't just use you like that. She has to pay you for your services if she isn't going to hold up her end of the bargain.
I whole heartedly agree with PP's..Bill Her! Regardless of how well you know her. She did this to you, knowing full well what the agreement was. If she's not going to follow through on her half, then that's absolutely fine. She will be billed for your services. end of discussion with her!
Wow, that's rude! A deal is a deal...wedding or not. I would call her back and calmly tell her that the change of plans will require you to come up with an alternative plan. It would be great if SHE came up with the rentals that way she can take ownership of it. If you trust her, you can put her in charge of it and giving her specific instructions of design/style and delivery. That way you don't even need to handle the finance portion of it. She might go cheap on you so make sure you follow-up with the company she chooses to ensure she ordered the right ones.
I am thinking if this was a deal with your FI and his friend with the wife knowing very little about the specifics. If that is the case, have your FI deal with it.
@MissChirpie: What a nice way to put it!
I think that is exactly what you should do!
ugh - what a horrible situation!
I always tell people, when it comes to weddings... friends... family... anyone... CONTRACTS. It's great people want to gift stuff, but a simple contract would save so many relationships not to mention sanity.
Whenever I do work with a friend or give a discount etc, I always list it clearly. i.e. Contracted services, $2,000. Total due, $0 in exchange for china rental for wedding on x date.
At this point, I would still be tempted to send a bill.
Maybe, since they are FI's friends, have him talk to them and say, you know, I understand your concern, but she put in X hours outside of work for your home and she would have billed that at $2,000.... then, see what they say to that. If they backpedal tell him to tell them an invoice will arrive soon since there will be no exchange of services.
I'm so sorry. That really sucks.
Although billing them sounds tempting, I wouldn't think that would prove fruitful. You didn't have a contract, right? IF they are honest, I think the best you could recoop would be the cost of renting the stuff. (I guess I'm hinking in front of a judge.) There's no way they'd be on the hook to pay you $2000, when you agreed to a trade that would be worth a few hundred to you.
Though I have to admit I'm no lawyer....
Let us know how it goes. And you're being smart by letting FI handle it. THat way you won't do something out of anger that you regret.
Thanks for your sympathy everyone. I just can't even believe this. And then to say that they'll help to pay for the rentals as our wedding gift?! I didn't design your bloody house out of the charity of my heart, it was a trade. Wedding is a seperate deal. I mean, I really don't care about the gift, it's the principle of it. Maybe they'll be so embarassed they'll cancel their RSVP and not come...
I've called our rental company and am just waiting for my rep to call me back. Seriously, I was so convinced it wasn't going to happen even 5 months ago that I had already picked out everything I wanted.
I know it is a very difficult situation to address, and you have to be very careful about how you handle it.
First of all, how close is your FH with these people? If they are close friends then you might have to leave it alone unless you are willing to possibly sever the friendship.
If they aren't that close, I think you can proceed with caution. I would call and, very calmly, explain what your understanding of the arrangement was, then ask what her understanding was. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. Once you've figured out what both of your expectations of the arrangement were, you can move forward with asking for compensation either for the rentals or your design work.
It will be awkward regardles, but staying calm and really trying to hear the other person's side of the story might diffuse some of the tension.
I am TOTALLY in the "bill them" camp. Seems they (well at least she) had reservations about loaning you guys the stuff from the beginning but waited until YOU fulfilled your end of the bargain before saying so. Since it was a barter...they need to either pay your for your services...or provide the rentals.
I say give FI a chance to lay it out, $2000 vs china and then if they still won't provide to just simply say, "I'm sorry that this exchange of services has to be cancelled, we'll get you the invoice for the work she did for you."
I bet they find you some china...
@hergreenapples: FH is somewhat close to the husband, but it's not like the get together even once a month. I feel bad because it was FH who set this all up thinking he was being a big help and had done something awesome for us. If it had panned out, sure it would have been great. I don't mind helping friends with design stuff, etc, so whatever, but given that I don't know these people that well it was a bit of a stretch for me and I only did it because of the "deal" we had. I've also helped this same family pick paint colours for their banquet hall and given them some ideas for other details (which they used) for free, which FI also set up because he thought it might lead to something bigger down the road for me. Sooooo suffice it to say I'll never be helping these people again.
Unfortunately all we had with these people was a verbal contract. When we first started working on their house, she asked me to bill her and I said "no no, don't worry, you guys are helping us with the dishware stuff for the wedding, so that's a fair trade in my mind" and she was fine with it. We've discussed the items we'd need many times, etc. It's not like it was a big surprise. I'm not really about to sue her for being a jerk, I think I'm just going to let FI deal with this and let the husband know that that was a pretty shady thing to do considering how much work I put into their house (and how his wife literally thought I was available 24/7 to her and would call me at 11pm to ask me questions!!!!). I'm going to call this one "his monkies, his circus" and just be upset but move on to placing my rental order and avoiding them for a while.
Oh and she has yearly projects for her house that she wants me to design and implement for her. I think she's officially blacklisted.
@KLP2010: I liked the way you phrased that! I agree completely. Give FI a chance to work it out and then bill if they can't hold up their end of the bargain. Good luck!
@KLP2010: I totally agree, I'm going to let FI handle all of this when he gets home over the weekend. At this point though, I don't even want their stupid china because my dinner will get in front of me and I'll see it and just think about the headache they caused. It's not worth it. The stuff I can rent is way nicer anyways ;) Plus I told her point blank, it's going to be easier for me to rent the stuff and have our rental company dealing with it all than have both her and I being stressed out about getting it to/from, if anything breaks, etc. I just don't want to deal with that. It's not worth it. She knew I was pretty upset and I wasn't about to hide it. What she and her husband did was a pretty jerk move.
I think you should absolutely bill them for your time. Include your price list if you use one so she has a frame of reference and knows that this is what you charge everyone. Also give her like a 15% discount and include a handwritten note saying, "I gave you a discount on my services in light of the misunderstanding that transpired. Thanks!"
I think daniellemybelle is right on target.
If she really does have lots of work she'd liek to throw your way, you don't want to alienate her in the process of getting that to which you are entitled.
I 100% agree with daniellemybelle!!!!
Bill them and offer a small discount. She should not be able to just use you. If she isnt holding up her end do exactly what was said lol
a verbal agreement is still an agreement. i would do exactly as daniellemybelle suggested- just take emotion out of it and act completely calm, because after all, she has reduced this to a business transaction. if she questions you at all, just react the same way you would as if a customer was not paying you. she's going to feel sheepish when she gets hit with 2k instead of just loaning you her things- and maybe she will recognize how unbelievably generous your original offer was!
Talk to your FI. Get his opinion of what you want to do. If you decide not to use them for the dishes, bill them your full amount and let it go from there. Call them and tell them that you understand their concern but due to the circumstances of the contract you discussed, you will now need to bill them the full cost of your time/work.
I agree with MandaMack, I would send them a bill for the work you did. Stating for services rendered. They didn't pay up with their barter, so they owe you money.
That's crap. I'm sorry.
I agree with some of the other girls, Bill them. You spent hours making sure their home looked beautiful and what did they do for you in return? Nothing...
I know you guys are right and I should bill them, I just feel reeeeeeealllly awkward about it right now. I wish FI were home so I could talk this over with him. He gets back over the weekend, so this will have to wait to be sorted out until then unfortunately. It's not even the money that gets to me, it's the principle of the whole thing. Friends being friends, treating each other properly, helping out.... I mean jeez, if someone is going to raincheck on dinner, whatever, but this is my wedding. It's just hurtful both for me and for FI. He's fiercely loyal and would never have pulled this kind of stunt on them. I hate to see him hurt and let down. It's going to be hard on him.
Actually, although it IS awkward, I think Danielle's wording really makes it less so - it's indirect, still a discount....etc.
Oh it's absoultely rude of them. I think that's more what the bill is about.. it was rude that you didn't hold up your end of the bargain, here is a bill, and I read above. I really like danielle's idea of even giving them a discount because of the misunderstanding.
Doing business with friends is sooo dangerous. It just really sucks that it burned you in the end.
And I understand not wanting to making it awkward, but you provided them with a service - it was a barter, not completely free. I think you have to treat it as a business deal gone bad, and seperate it from the friendship. Mabye even put a personal note with it, saying something like. Sorry to have to send you a bill, but because we are having to rent things last minute, we will need the money comparable to the time we spent working on your project. Don't worry about getting us a gift.
@bakerella: yeah i would totally bill them for the work. especially since the agreement was flatware and dishes in exchange for design work - they didnt pay you, so they need to get a bill.
simple.
I just priced it all out and I need about $1800 of rentals now. Awesome. Billing them is looking more and more likely...
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