- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
IMy Fiance and I take the train together in the morning to get to work and I have just started a job that expects me to be there much earlier than my last job. The train is often late and is ALWAYS super crowded. People do not move in far enough into the train, making people by the doors squish and the people in the middle have plenty of room.
To make sure I get on the train (and therefore to work on time) I have started recently gently reminding people that we are all in this commute boat together and we all have to get somehwere, please make room. Its been working and no one has started a fight with me or anything. Its worked much better than just pushing or hoping that we get a spot on the train.
My Fiance does not like this. He snapped at me today for doing it and because he snapped, I was automatically defensive of my action. He said he wouldnt ride the train with me anymore if I did that. I said that I just need to get to work, he said let him go first and I said fine but if we didnt get on the train with his method, I was going to continue gently asking people to move in.
I love my Fiance and I would never do anything to embarrass him on purpose, but I realize that this might embarrass him. When we get to work, he IMs me on the computer and says that he refuses to take the train with me if I do that, end of discussion. I try to explain my reasons and how I just want to get to work earlier (in case we casnt get on a train) and it would assuage my fears if we leave a bit earlier, and that I didnt want to embarrass him. He REFUSED to listen to me, I tried calling, no answer. NOT COOL. We are in a relationship and I will not be spoken to like that. “end of discussion”? what are you, my father? I said I wanted to talk to him immediately on the phone. A half hour later he says I can call him, and I do and tell him that if he was not going to speak to me in a respectful way, then we would not speak at all. I said that was not very respectful and if he had let me finish, he would have liked what I was going to say. He interrupts me and says that he bets that he wouldnt like what im going to say.. I try to start talking again and he says “are you going to let me finish?” and I said well you didnt let me finish! and He hung up on me.
I am not good at the silent treatment. I hate this. I told him not to speak to me until he wanted to have a conversation including both listening and responding.