Ugh…. Should I propose?

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sumshine.dawn:  Do you have any inkling that he plans on proposing?  Have you discussed a timeline with him?

The timeline discussion should be the first thing you do, i.e. when do you want to be married by?  When do you want to have children?  Are we thinking married in the next year, children in 3?  Or would you want to wait longer?  How long of an engagement do you want?

If he wants to propose, would you still want to propose to him?  Would you be stealing away his thunder?  What if he has something planned and he’s been really good at keeping the secret?  What if he’s getting a ring custom-made and it might take about 6 months to get it?

If you want to propose, go ahead.  More power to you!  But I suggest trying to figure out whether proposing is important to him.

Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

sumshine.dawn:  If he wants it to be perfect and has plans to propose soon, i think you should let him do it.

 

Post # 4
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Going based off of what you have written, I wouldn’t. You say you guys have a tentative date already for the wedding, which means he is on the same page as you of wanting to get married. I assume that he has a plan of when to propose to you. You proposing first would just ruin that for him. You sound really impatient. I would take a step back and trust him on this. How old are you two? How long have you’ve been together?

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

sumshine.dawn:  For someone like you who hates formality, I hate to say this but you are already “engaged” if you have this all planned out already. Proposing, with or without the rock, is a formality. Just let him have this. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  whitepeacock.
Post # 7
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would NOT propose. Call me old fashioned, whatever. I know you want to get engaged but getting engaged is just as important to you as it is for him. 

Back when my boyfriend and I got together(this was around 9 months in, with no talks of marrige) I was flipping through a Cosmo with an article about girls who proposed to their men. And he looks at me and kind of seriously says I dont want you to propose to me. And I followed up and asked why, and he gave me a few reasons. He says he wants to be the one that asks my father permission, gets down on one knee and profeses his love. 

(Other reason, money. He could be cleaning off his plate with some misc debts, or saving up for the ring.)

I feel like women get so caught up in engagement/ring talks. And the constant reminder on social media never helps. Ask for a time line and then cool it. I am also sure that you always dreamed to have the man of your dreams drop down on one knee, use your full name and ask you to marry him. And Ill tell you what, he does too! Dont rush it, dont take the experience away from him or yourself. 

Post # 8
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I just wanted to throw in my two cents and say wait and let him do it!  It sounds like him planning it is in the works.  And just remember it may not be important to you for it to be perfect, but there are two people involved in a proposal and it may very well be important to him.  I think sometimes us gals under estimate the importance of a proposal from a guy’s point of view.  I know it was very important to my DH on how/where/why/when the proposal happened and I would have been so sad to have taken that experience away from him.

Post # 10
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sumshine.dawn:  If he wants to get you the perfect ring, let him!  But TELL him you don’t want a diamond!  Steer him in the right direction by showing him what you do want!  I’m a graduate student in a geology department – so I’m a semi-geologist, but my SO knows exactly what type of gemstone I want!  I even showed him where he can get it.

It’s coming!  Relax!  My SO and I already booked the venue, made save-the-dates, arranged room blocks, booked a photographer, and have been talking to a florist, and he hasn’t proposed with the wedding less than 11 months away… but that’s because he’s waiting on my ring.  He will talk about anything wedding, but nothing proposal-related.  Let him do his thing!  It sounds like he really wants to 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

sumshine.dawn:  Let him know that places are filling up already.  Do you mind if I ask when your hypothetical wedding date is?  My SO and I wanted 9-19-15.  A week and a half after the one year mark, we had already picked out a venue (destination – so no visiting), so I asked if it was okay if I called him to check on their availability.  Sure enough, 9-19 was temporarily reserved, but 9-26 (less ideal for us) was the only Saturday in September available.  So we agreed tentatively book 9-26, and if 9-19 opened up, we would jump on it.  We got our date!  But it was a close one.  This story might help your case 😉

Post # 12
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would also say wait, just because it sounds like he already has a plan. 

I didn’t realise until afterwards how important the proposal was to my partner and I wouldn’t have wanted to take that away from him. 

 

Post # 13
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m with whitepeacock. It sounds like you two are already engaged with a location, date, STDS already picked you’re planning your wedding. Let him have the proposal if that’s important to him and keep planning the wedding. This way he gets his thing and you still get to be your organized pragmatic self!

My SO and I are foregoing an official engagement all together. I’m not into the big proposal much like you and so we just discussed our plan then agreed on what we would do. If he wants to propose later that’s up to him, but in the meantime I’ve bought my dress, booked a caterer,planned the flowers etc. (with him of course). It’s not super romantic or traditional, but that’s not us. It sounds like that might work for you too. 

Post # 15
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like he does want to propose, so he’d probably be a little bummed to get beaten to the punch. You could bring up to him the idea of your proposing and see how he responds. Maybe it will give him the extra fire to propose more promptly.

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