Weddingbee boards

warning: i'm so sorry, but i really need to rant!

so i get an email from my friend's moh asking which date would be best for a surprise bridal shower (my friend's wedding isn't until next october). the two dates she picked would be the two weekends that my boyfriend and i have talked about getting married. i wrote back to her saying that my boyfriend and i were seriously talking about getting married and those two weekends were our top choices, but because we're not engaged yet, nothing has been set in stone and i would know more by the first week in december which date works for me. well she sends an email last night saying that she picked a date already and it's the one weekend that i told her that i didn't want, because more than likely that's the weekend we'll pick (we have family that is still in school and it's more convenient for our families that weekend). the reason i'm so upset is because i want my friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and since we aren't sure if the wedding will be local or near where my parents live (5 hours from here), i don't know if she can be in my bridal party or even come to the wedding! i've been obsessing over this all night and i can't even say anything to my friend about it because the bridal shower is supposed to be a surprise (and it's 9 months away!!!!). UGH. 

anyone have any advice? i feel so bad because i always dreamed that my friend would be able to be in our wedding and because they disregarded my email saying that i would be getting married then, i just don't know what to do!

@ emmoon - i know i feel so bad for my friend because i know that if we could talk about this she would side with me and would pick another date. she introduced me to my boyfriend 5.5 years ago and she would be so happy that we're finally getting married! she's a huge part of both my boyfriend and my lives because she's known my bf since high school and introduced us in college so it's so important that she can come to our wedding.

@eeniebeans - i thought the same exact thing when i got that email! i was like, wahhh? her wedding is a year away! i can see planning a shower in april for an october wedding, but almost a year in advance really bothered me. i mean, who really knows what they'll be doing 9 months from now? i can understand that she's excited, but it's really stressing me out!

thanks so much everyone for making me feel better about getting upset over this! i know i'm getting engaged before thanksgiving, so as soon as that happens, we're going to set a date. we've been looking into venues and when we get engaged, we'll talk about what date is best for everyone. i think once we set the actual date, which will probably be in early december, i'll email the moh and tell her if it's conflicting with the shower, like i'm assuming it will.

I guess I'm the minority in the crowd, but I think you're getting all bent out of shape about something that is still really hypotetical at this point. You said that you have two dates and are leaning to one, but you haven't made any plans yet -- and you're not engaged yet.

You, yourself, aren't even sure if your wedding is going to happen then. It could turn out that maybe the venue you want isn't available then, or you talk to your family and realize that date won't work for you. Like you said, it's nine months away! Rather than get worked up or potentially start a feud with your friend's MOH, just relax and give it some time.

Once you have a firm date set for your wedding, write to the MOH and let her know that you set the date. Remind her that you told her it could potentially be then in a very gentle way, and then graciously ask that she switch the date for the bridal shower for your friend to another date as you know that she would want to attend since she introduced you guys.

I'm sorry, but I don't think it's reasonable to ask someone to plan around dates that are not even firm for you yet. There could be reasons why the MOH chose that date that you know nothing about. It's not like anything, even the party the MOH is planning, is 100% set in stone at this point, so try not to worry. It will all work out.

i guess it just kind of annoyed me that they didn't even write back to say, ok well is there a better time or date for you that we can work with. i just got the first email and then the second email saying "ok, i made the arrangements with the local country club for this date!". i understand that i'm getting bent out of shape for no reason, because in reality either one of the plans can fall through, but i'm just upset that my friend has her whole wedding planned in 1 month (not anything that she is doing, it's all family and friends) and it's a year away. i can't even talk to my friend about how i feel, because i don't want to ruin the surprise that they had planned for her. i don't know if that makes any sense why i'm more upset about it than i should be?