- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
Okkay I’m not sure what I’m looking for by posting this…..I just need to get it out because I don’t want to let too many people in my personal life in on this.
Background: My fiance’s mom has helped him a lot financially growing up and getting out of trouble when he was younger (about the ages of 18-24ish), and he is pretty handy in fixing things as well as landscaping stuff. She likes to have him come over and help out around the yard and also to help his step-dad, which is fine with me. I know he owes her a lot of time. So last weekend, she wanted him to come over on Saturday but he was already a half hour away fishing with a buddy. She was frustrated with him and told him to come over Sunday then but didn’t give him a time because she got busy and had to go. She told him she would call him back. I heard that part of the conversation. So then Sunday he texted her at about 9a when he got up, and noon because he hadn’t heard back from her yet (they live 5 minutes away and he could have called his step-dad but his mom wanted to set it all up because sometimes she’s a slight control-freak)….since she didn’t answer back he figured she didn’t want him to come over and since they go out and do things usually on Sundays because his step-dad works for the post office and that’s one of his days off – he didn’t know if they would be home or not and didn’t want to just show up. Then, around 8p, she called and left a nasty voicemail swearing at hiim and asking why he didn’t come over that day, etc. He figured since she was going to respond like that, he just wouldn’t call her back and feed into it more than not calling her would.
Anyhow, yesterday FI brought back some tools that he had borrowed from his step dad and they were talking (I wasn’t there, so this is hearsay from FI), when his mom came out and just started yelling at him about how he’s unappreciative and how she feels that he is avoiding her and he told her he appreciates everything she has done for him and that he is sorry he has a life and can’t just drop everything at the second she wants him to come over and do things for him. I guess at this moment she started yelling really loud at him (they were outside, mind you), and he said if she couldn’t calm down and talk to him like a normal person, he was going to leave because he had things to do. She told him he needed to come over next Saturday and he said he couldn’t Saturday because his godson’s birthday party is that afternoon (she likes him to stay for like 6+ hours and help with things), and she told him “Oh good, go spend time with your best friend who means more to you, and his bastard child! Sunday, then!” At that point, he got really mad and just got in his car and opened the window and told her he was going to leave, that Ethan has never done anything to her (he’ll be 4) and that Steve has always offered to come help but she has always said no. She was just screaming at him and told him to never ask for anything again and they wouldn’t be helping pay for the wedding either. FI left at that point without saying anything.
He walked in the door to our house and said “At this point, my mother is not even invited to our wedding” in an angry tone. I calmly told him to chill for a second, come sit down on the couch and tell me why. He told me all that and then was going to text her that she wouldn’t be invited if she was going to act like that, that he didn’t care if she paid anything but that if she was going to freak out she wouldn’t even be coming. I raised my voice a little and told him to stop, erase what he had started to write and to put his phone down. He asked why and I told him because right now he was angry and that if he said something now, he would just regret it because he wasn’t thinking clearly. He gave me a kiss and said I was right, erased what was on his phone and put it down.
I’m not sure what to do about this. I want to talk to her about this but I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Apparently this is how she reacts sometimes and burns bridges with people and then doesn’t apologize which makes things worse. I don’t know what to do. We can pay for the wedding ourselves, so that is now what I want to make amends for……I just don’t like this rift between them. He has not heard from her yet but I’m sure when he does she will just be angry. He already doesn’t talk to his dad and hasn’t for over ten years, so none of his dad’s family will be coming to the wedding as is. Ugh so stressful.
Ok vent done.