Ugh, so heartbroken and I hate myself for feeling this way..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  Yeah, i can see that. But don’t put yourself down because its not “long distant enough”. My husband and I did long distance for over the first 2 years of our relationship. We only got to see each other about 3, maybe 4 times a year. Was that super hard? Of course. 

But you also accept and expect to only see that person a few times a year. You develop your alone routine and you have your couples communication routine. Its almost harder what you’re doing. It’s like being teased or taunted because you see that person regularly, but only for a few hours and its never enough. That’s really tough. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  I know. I hated that! Its so hard watching others move on when you can’t. :/

There was a girl who met her irish boyfriend the same time as me. They married and moved in together less than a year later, versus ours was indefinite amount of time for most of it, we had no idea when we’d be able to make it end or if it would even work out when all was said and done. I went to her wedding (alone cuz i had no plus one) and swore i’d be fine and composed. I had a few glasses of wine with dinner (bad idea) and ended up crying in the bathroom on the phone to my boyfriend. The type of loud non-stop ugly crying that i now realize EVERYONE in the reception could hear. To this day i feel like i should apologize to her, but am too embarrased to bring it up…. ugh

I do know the second year was much harder than the first. I felt like we learned so much and grew so much the first year, and by the time the second came around i was like “Alright, i’ve learned all my long distance lessons, i get it, now this is just torture.”

I don’t have any super good advice, other than it is worth it in the end. I know that as hard as it always was, not doing it would have somehow been harder. And when you can finally be together – you’ll appreciate it SOOOOO much more than all those other couples who have never had to deal with this.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

@happilyeveraftergirl:   When do you think you’ll finally be together? So sorry you’re going through this. My friend in S.Korea’s fiance was draughted (sp?) and went away to the military for 2 years. It was so hard on them but they got married last month snd are finally together after 2 years!

What I’m trying to say is you’re not alone, but if he’s The One I’m sure you’ll be happy someday!!

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

1) It sucks, but it’s worth it!

2) My (single) friends always told me I should just be happy that I had someone – they didn’t realize how much it hurt to not be able to be with him. Don’t do that to yourself – let yourself miss him. It makes it easier live your life if you acknowledge your feelings…it’s okay to miss him like crazy.

Post # 12
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My FI was working out of town all last spring and summer and part of the winter. It was hard but he did come home on the weekends which was nice. It was kinda nice to miss eachother for a while. When he did come home we got along really well, had amazing sex and then he would leave again.

Near the end (he started working back in town in Sept), I was losing my mind. Being home alone all the time was taking a toll on me. I joined a yoga class to keep me busy, which helped but I still missed him terribly.

Just hang in there. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Post # 13
Member
6872 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

@happilyeveraftergirl:  Hang in there! I was in a LDR with my FI for 6 1/2 years. Definitely not the ideal situation, but your love for each other will get your through this. Try and stay positive and look forward to the future.

Post # 14
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@happilyeveraftergirl:  Giiiirl, it is hard. DH and I spent 4 years living in different countries, only seeing each other a few times a year. We were in constant communication, but obviously the whole situation is stressful. Now we are happily married, and luckily for me it turns out he is the best roommate EVER! 

As long as you have a really strong base of trust between you to…YOU CAN DO IT! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Keep yourself busy on your end. I wouldn’t let myself stay home and pout. Socialize, and make sure you are having a fabulous time without him. Plus, the more you do the more you have to talk about with him when you get to talk. 

 

Post # 15
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO and I have never been long distance, but I understand how you feel only seeing your SO four times per month. We live together now, but I used to miss my SO like crazy even when we were only a part for two days. Now I even miss him so much when we are both at work. It’s kind of lame, but at least I know I love him! LOL

Post # 16
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@happilyeveraftergirl:  Ooh yeah. That is a hard reason. Hmmm…I think i would sit him down and seriously talk about that. I understand that he thinks its best to wait until marriage, but it sounds like you think its best to move in now. So you’re 50/50 and neither of you is right nor wrong. This means coming to a compromise. Right now, it sounds like hes been getting it only his way, thats not fair either. 

(And ps. i think your’re more right haha, but im being objective :-P)

Anyways, I would sit him down and explain things from your side. You have already done long distance and respected his desire for awhile now. Plus, moving in together after long distance (while amazing) is quite an adjustment. Its not one i would recommend waiting until marriage for. Itd be great to get all the bumps out of the way. Plus, like you said, theres only so much you feel like you can humanly take – and thats fine to have limits! Is it worth, risking “sin” or upsetting his parents or going against tradition if its taking a gamble on your relationship?

Also, this might not be true for you, but I always had this small twinge of fear that “what if all this pain and torture isn’t for anything? What if we move in together and it turns out he isn’t the one? Will we work when we’re together and doing this like normal couples and are together every day?” Of course i thought he was the one, or i wouldnt have done it…but i always had those whispers that scared me. I’m so glad we got to live together for a year before we got engaged. Those whispers got a chance to totally go away! 

Anyhow, feel free to ever pm me if needed as well. I hope you can sit down and talk and he listens a bit. It sounds like you need some sort of compromise at this point! 

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