- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
I’m sorry I’ve been simply stalking the board for wedding-planning purposes moreso than to contribute over the past year (I’ve been busy graduating college and getting my first job teaching.. Life’s a whirlwind, that’s for sure!).
Anyhoo, it’s really super-charged frustration that leads me to venting to you lovely bees today. Forgive me…
Months ago, FI’s dad and stepmom offered their 12-acre farm in PA to us as a venue. We accepted and they seemed excited and so the planning ensued. We’ve been there a number of times since and the conversation often circles back to how we would set up around the barn (we were planning on a tent and getting married in front of the barn doors, so I don’t think it was any strenuous circumstance..). His step mother offered herself as research/planning help heartily.
Fast forward to two days ago: I text his stepmom to tell her about the tent quote I got, asking if she had any idea about venues around her area. I receive a text back with, more or less, cautionary advice about all the extra insurance needed to “protect their house.” A minute later, she asks if she can “send me to a beautiful barn” in a nearby town that will “take care of all of this for you.” I was neutral in a reply, saying that the planning wasn’t my worry, but if she didn’t want us having it at the house due to legal reasons, we would understand and find somewhere else. Then all she replies is “it’s [FI’s dad’s] birthday.”
Now, since then, neither of them have contacted us. They seem to have been all for this wedding at the house until I actually started planning concretely.. They’re just kind of avoiding it now.
I text “Happy Birthday” back and all of that, but honestly, really? Now, they sort of have a history of being flaky with FI and all the help they seem to promise (and continuously neglect) over the years. We’ve never asked them for anything… and now I’m getting frustrated about everything. One year out and all my planning is for naught. I’m starting as a first year teacher in the next couple of weeks and all the “pre-planning” I thought I had is down the tubes (except for my dress, I guess..) I don’t want to immediately chalk them up to being a-holes, but FI is pissed and so am I. I can’t help it. He is of the “eff them” opinion entirely.
Now all I can think about is how neither of our families even offered or cared about an engagement party. I feel like everyone I know has an engagement party thrown by their families, and even though it didn’t bother me, I’m suddenly ruminating on all of this crap. None of our parents are helping and none of them offered. This is kind of the mileu of our lives: we’ve lived on our own since 18 and never received a penny or an ounce of help from any of our parents and that’s not an exaggeration. What really pisses me off is that his dad has another son (new marraige) and gives him the world — he’s absolutely LOADED, and it’s not that we want his money, but come on! YOU HAVE FOUR OTHER KIDS! Be a father to your other son for once!
Phew. Sorry. It’s out..
Today, we’ve decided to pick up our heads and go looking for new venues. I’m disappointed more than anything about the whole lack-of-family-caring thing on both sides. It tempts me to elope. It really does. However, we deserve a wedding and I will not take it away from myself because they’re all a-holes.
Am I being ridiculous, though? Should I not be this upset? This one, big upset has just made me think of how annoyed I am at everyone in both our families for everything. Ugh!
Thank you for listening, bees… If you made it this far through the post. <3