Post # 1
So here is the background story: My fiance just graduated law school. He has been depressed all year because he doesn’t have a job, and the job market for lawyers isn’t what it used to be. So finally, he decided that there is nothing he can really do to improve his resume or give him a different edge until he passes the bar (takes it at the end of July).
I, on the other hand, have THE BEST JOB EVER. I love it and I’m gearing up for a promotion this summer. Since I moved to So Cal for him (so we can be together while he’s in law school) part of me feels like it’s “my turn” now. FI and I talked about this a lot the past couple of months and have committed ourselves to settling down in So Cal, near my job. We just renewed our year long lease maybe 3 days ago.
THEN, today, FI gets a call from an attorney he met last year. The company she is general counsel for is going public soon and needs a few extra hands. She offered him a temporary 6 month position that starts this August (after the bar). The pay is “ok” but he will get excellent OT pay as well and she said he could expect to be working lots of OT hours towards the end of the 6 months. Yay, he got an AMAZING job offer!! Even though it’s temporary, it might lead to permanent, well paying opportunities. I should be ecstatic, right???
NO. Because the job is in Nor Cal, basically 6-8 hours away. And what’s 6 months from this August? February, OUR WEDDING MONTH. If he accepts this job, he will move up there for at least 6 months… which makes it kind of wasteful for me to continue to pay rent on our 2 bedroom apt. This means I’d have to break our lease, find a place, and move before July 31… while FI is really gearing up for the bar (ie: he will be a useless ball of stress). And then we will be LDR for the 6 months leading up to our wedding, with him becoming increasingly busy at work the closer we get to the actual date.
UGH! I AM FREAKING OUT. I know I should be supportive, and really this job offer is soooo amazing, but it is SO INCONVIENENT. What do I do??? I don’t even know what I’m trying to get out of this post. Maybe I just needed to vent? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Is this do-able? Should we consider changing our date??? I’d completely be ok with being LDR for 6 months at any other time… just not right before our wedding!!
Post # 3
Ask my mom about bad timing. When I was 12, my dad moved out of the house. It was Friday. On Saturday, her mother died. Sunday? Mother’s Day.
THAT’S SOME BAD TIMING.
And now that I’m done being all “ME ME ME”… that sucks. I’m really sorry. You know what I think? He should take it. He should take the job, and you should look at this period as the last, big, romantic challenge of your pre-married lives. Your wedding is just one (albeit extremely important) day, and if anything goes wrong it won’t be the end of the world. On the other hand, this six month period sounds like it could be incredibly important for his career and not taking it may have huge negative consequences. In the fight of Career vs. Wedding, Career always wins. (Although Career vs. Marriage should definitely go to Marriage.)
Post # 4
You’re going to have to bite the bullet on this one. It’s a foot in the door. Definitely not an opportunity he can pass. I understand how frustrating it’s going to be. I’d be upset as well, but it’ll all work out in the end.
Post # 5
I’m sorry about the bad timing. And LDR’s are no fun. If my FI wanted to move away for half a year we’d have to have a serious talk, even if the job offer was decent. I know the legal job market sucks now. I’m lucky to have a job. Several of my friends had to open their own practice straight out of law school because there are just no jobs. So that all considered, this is a good opportunity for him, especially if he has really been putting a lot of effort into finding a job here in So Cal and literally can’t find anything.
But I think you can make this work. How involved do you really need him to be with wedding details? I know all couples are different, but many grooms are hands-off anyway. Tell them to get a suit and be there at 5:00 and they’re perfectly fine. As for your apartment…can you get a roommate?? Even if someone can’t pay half the rent, they could contribute a sizable portion.
Post # 6
As a recent law school grad, I’m going to have to say he’s lucky to have ANYTHING, when so many people in this legal market have nothing at all. That being said, I’m so sorry that it works out to such awful timing for you. This legal job market sucks, and it’s making people leap at the chance for jobs they wouldn’t have even applied for 3 years ago. Can you sublet your apartment instead of breaking the lease if you’re planning on coming back?
Post # 7
My FI and I used to live in Sacramento together, I got a job here and he got one as well. All was good until his job was going to lay him off. Instead they offered him a position in San Diego. We talked about it and decided that a job was better than no job at all. We spend more money commuting, paying a mortgage on his house, and he pays rent down there. Plus all the bimonthly airfare. So why not just take a year and a half of unemployment? Why in the hell do people always ask what we are planning to do once we are married?
The truth is we don’t know. We do not know what will happen tomorrow, or next month, or after we get married. We know that two people having jobs is way better than one person having a job, and even better than neither of you having a job. Especially if you are just starting a career. People definitely look down on you if you have “blank” time.
However there are definite pluses to our new long distance relationship.
1) I can craft whenever I feel like it.
2) We are able to price search for photography, invitations, craft supplies, vintage items, and thrift shop in two very different places. San Diego has been more kind to our wallet in terms of artists, locations for photos and vintage steals.
3) And I feel like a true bachelorette!
I definitely DO miss him but I know we are doing the right thing. You just have to work around it. Gone are the times where couples both live and work in the same city here are the days where people commute, live in separate housing, and say goodnight by skype. You two can make it work!!!
Post # 8
@Captain013: Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope! =)