Post # 1
I’m not really sure what to do. FI and I have our ceremony sight picked out it is absolutely beautiful, it’s a renovated turn of the century opera house. Good picture here: http://www.pembervilleoperahouse.org/id28.html There were some kinks in having this place, no elevator and it’s on the second floor, meaning two very elderly grandma’s are going to need some help. Another problem, FMIL isn’t happy and she’s made it very clear she’s not happy with our choice in location. The stairs without an elevator is one, the other, well is because it’s not a church. Now FI and I aren’t very religious, but we are getting married by a pastor. I’m just a little upset because she seems so against it, how can I make her understand we’re still incorporating religion into our ceremony even though it isn’t in a church? I’m not really sure what to do, but I hate the fact that she is so against this place.
Post # 3
I had kind of a similar situation with my FMIL. Neither my FI or I are very religious (neither is his family which was a bit more aggravating) so we decided to get married by a Justice of the Peace in the same location as the reception. When we told my future in-laws she was not thrilled with the idea and kept asking "And you feel comfortable not getting married in a church? You’re okay with that? Can I ask why?" I finally politley told her that I was not very religious and as far as I could tell neither was her son. It was a decision that we made together and we are very comfortable with it. I also told her that I would be more uncomfortable having it in a church given that I haven’t been in one in years and that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable on my wedding day. If anyone had any real troubles with that they didn’t need to attend.
I felt nervous having to lay down the line with her but the bottom line is that it’s your day and you need to do what you want. In the end, she came around and is excited about all our plans. Just give your FMIL some more time to adjust and she’ll probably come around too.
Post # 4
Oh honey been there done that. That place is really cool. I got some grief because I’m getting married at a plantation home by a pastor, but not "in" a church. Some people feel that it "doesn’t count" unfortunately but that’s just the dumbest thing ever. We don’t belong to one, so we felt it was hypocritical of us to suddenly have to be in a church. Plus, all that counseling, etc, was not up my alley. FMIL isn’t paying, is she? Probably not. So basically I think she can bugger off since this is what you and your FI wants and she needs to respect your wishes. It isn’t her wedding. You getting married in a church vs. somewhere pretty doesn’t change your marriage. Plus, you’ve already found a gorgeous venue. It simply doesn’t matter if you’re IN a church because your vows can be as religious as you want them to be, if you feel the desire to incorporate prayers and readings, etc. We’re doing that, but we’re doing the more general ones that don’t include me "obeying" him or being "weaker" than him or anything that implies I’m subservient and some of that. We picked out a few nice things for our pastor to say but we aren’t too far off the beaten path. I didn’t want anything "too" religious because we don’t go to church regularly and we’re more spiritual than religious. Our relationship was not founded with the cornerstones of churches and whatnot, so why would it suddenly now be a requirement? And she needs to knwo that. IF that’s your reasoning. That was mine, and people didn’t push me once I brought it up. Anyways, I hear ya. Yes, it’s going to be harder on your two elderly grandmas, but you’ll just have to have some strong men help them up!
Next time she brings it up, just tell her that you’d rather get married at a gorgeous venue than a place that you and your FI don’t worship at regularly, and you’re having a "real" priest anyways, so your ceremony and vows will reflect all that.Or, spin the "affordable" option since church weddings ARE typically more expensive than combined ceremony/reception locations.
Post # 5
For some people, nothing but a church is good enough. I can understand being worried about no elevator, but I’m sure someone wouldn’t mind helping grandmas for the evening.
My explanation for those who criticize my plans for non-church wedding is…"You don’t have to be in a church to be in the presence of God". If that doesn’t work, then oh well. I think that when the time gets closer, she’ll just have to accept it.
BTW…Pemberville Opera House is beautiful! I love that it’s historic but it’s been restored so well!
Post # 6
pretty opera house; I say stick with your guns she’ll get over it its your wedding
Post # 7
If it’s a Christian religion, you can quote, "Where ever two or more are gathered in my name, I will be there." (I’m not sure I have the exact wording right, but she is being legalistic.