Post # 1
short recap: in previous posts i wrote about my FSIL, a very self-observed girl. She was my party friend that i met studying abroad (and she asked me to be her bm which i was surprised about because we werent close) anyways i was her bm, a very good bm, spend hundreds of dollars and met her brother-my amazing fiance.
To us and to her family she only talks about her and her husband, never once asks us about our lives-whatever, fine. But then she decides she doesnt want to be my BM because i chose the dress that my best friend chose, that was cheaper, and 5/6 girls liked better for a BM dress.
We kind of patched things up-she will be a bridesmaid , thougha t a recent passover seder we did not talk at all and she made a face when i spoke in the discussion (that’s not a big deal, just rude). Anyways, i can’t seem to move on. I am still angry-that i was her bridesmaid and that she wouldn’t want to be one for selfish reasons
i’m having a hard time moving on and also dealing with her-i’m a very nice person who rarely RARELY ever has confrontation. I know she’s probably not even thinking of it but it’s driving me crazy. I’m pissed at her selfishness, i’m hurt that we were once somewhat friends and now nothing, and i’m anxious to see her again. Plus, she’s in my bridal party.
i don’t know how to move on
Post # 3
The face-making sounds like she is just looking for a reaction. Just don’t humor her. Act like it doesn’t bother you. If she talks about herself for an extended period of time, strike up a conversation with someone else (in a large group setting) or smile politely and change the subject. When she doesn’t get a reaction for long enough, she’ll just have to get over it.
Post # 4
@doubtingdebbieah: Find another bridesmaid and have a fabulous fun time. Think about it, she’s doing you a HUGE favor by not brining any drama to your wedding.
Maybe at the wedding she’ll be jealous why she turned you down and wished she was still one and had some attention.
Post # 5
@doubtingdebbieah: Why do you want to be friends with such a vile person? Just cause she married into your family doesn’t mean you guys have to braid each other’s hair. Once my FI’s sister and I came to the conclusion that we were NOT going to be braiding each other’s hair then our relationship improved a lot. We both love her brother…that’s good enough for us. She is now going to be my FI’s Best Gal.
Just save yourself the stress and not have her as a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
If she isn’t your friend, why is she even in your bridal party? I never understood that. She doesn’t seem like a nice person, so just don’t be her friend. Who cares? You love your fiance; you should try to like his family but you don’t have to.
Post # 7
@doubtingdebbieah: While I agree with PP’s that trying to ignore it and killing her with kindness is the best option for the time being, if it gets to a point where it causes you anxiety when you’re around her or leaves you feeling angry and hurt, I say call her out on her passive aggressive behavior. People like this irk me sooo badly because essentially they’re just cowards! I have dealt with numerous passive aggressive people (mostly snarky girls) in my life and 9 times out of 10, when I have confronted them about their actions and asked what the deal was, the ugliness has stopped. If you do decide to go this route, just be careful about how you approach it. Definitely don’t do it in a group of people, but instead get her one on one. I have found that taking a humble approach is usually the most effective. Try starting the conversation with something like, “Listen, I can’t help but overhear the comments you’ve been making/looks you’ve been giving/etc. and I think we need to talk about it. If I’ve done anything that has legitimately upset you, just tell me and I will sincerely apologize. But either way, we need to clear the air because the fact is that we are going to be family and this animosity is just unnecessary…yadda yadda yadda.” If she flies off the handle and turns up the bitch-o-meter afterwards, at least you’ll know that you made the effort to work it out, but I can almost guarantee you that she’ll back off (from experience that’s what I’ve found).
Oh and if she starts the whole “I have no idea with you’re talking about” while batting her seemingly innocent eyes at you or gives you the whole “Stop being so sensitive” don’t cave. Call it out and it will force her to own up to how she has treated you. At the end of the day, you are going to be family and you’re going to have to deal with each other somehow. Keep it FI/her brother centered and make it more about your shared love for him in order to give you some common ground. ((Hugs))