(Closed) UGHHH….DH mentions FIL taking a job here again!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I haven’t been in your shoes, but I would at very least set a boundary that FIL can’t move in with you. It sounds like there’s a lot going on there that needs to be sorted out though. How does your DH feel about some of the advice that his dad gives him? Does he recognise it as unhealthy?

Post # 5
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@texasbee:  I think your DH must tell his father that his father is under NO CIRCUMSTANCES allowed to move in with you two, and that is an absolute condition of him possibly getting the job, if it is mentioned to him.

However, I strongly feel that you and your DH should make the move by yourselves and your FIL should remain where he is. Much healthier for everyone that way. Why bring someone who has caused you trouble and pain along when starting a life in a new country? I get that he could use a better job, but that’s his responsibility, ultimately, not his son’s. Also, if your FIL has a fiancee, well, he must not value her too much if he’s willing to move away from her like that. I can see why she won’t marry him, actually– blah!

🙁 

Does your DH know how much his father has hurt you and disrespected you by all the stuff he’s done in the past? Is your DH standing up for you towards his father and respecting that you don’t want his father around? It sounds like he needs to establish better boundaries– you as a couple have your own lives and do not need family members tagging along with you wherever you go, as I see it. I’ve come to the conclusion that committed couples need to put each other and their relationship first, before family, because when you choose a partner he/she becomes your closest family of all. . . and being supportive of each other and being a “united front” is so important.

Please make sure your DH knows how you feel about this if he doesn’t already. I really don’t think it would be fair to any of you for your FIL to move with you, especially if he is going to become completely socially dependent on you and his son. 

 

Post # 8
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@texasbee:  Did you by any chance mean that the paragraphs are NOT separating? I’ve been having that issue too. And I was having weird issues where the website wouldn’t post anything I wrote– pressing the submit button would just take me right back to the homepage. Annoying!

(Sorry for going off-topic here).

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