Post # 1
This whole wedding planning nonsense has caused me to detest my wedding before it’s ever happened. I love my fiancé and I don’t want that to get confused, I just really really am not having fun planning what should be the best day of my life. We are both graduating college in May and are working full time to try to offset some of the cost of the wedding. As if school, and work, and the wedding weren’t stressful enough, we are getting drama from both sides of our family. I originally was planning a good sized wedding in my hometown and was “okay” with it, but I just wasn’t happy. I have a strong relationship with my mother but I also have a step father and my real dad who all feel as though they should get to walk me down the aisle. My solution? I walk down the aisle myself and when I reach the end, they can all stand up and give me away. Apparently that wasn’t good enough and it caused a huge fight between my dad and my step-father. At this point, I already knew that I wasn’t going to be happy so I talked to my FI and we decided that we would just get married at our honeymoon destination for free and who ever wanted to be there could be there. I was SOOO excited. Great! Problem solved. Everyone’s happy, right? Wrong. My FI’s mother called me and let me have it for “creating more problems for them.” I understand it’s a lot to expect for someone to pay to travel to a destination wedding so I talked to my FI and asked if he would like for me to offer to pay for their part of the trip. He agreed that was a good idea, so we discussed the idea of us paying for them with them and that still wasn’t good enough. I feel like she is just being spiteful because she doesn’t want us to have a destination wedding. The last thing I want is for my FI’s family to resent me for choosing a venue somewhere they wouldn’t be able to attend but this is MY wedding and I want to enjoy it. I feel so selfish but I don’t know how to make everyone happy. Does anyone have any advice?
Post # 2
Ultimately, have the wedding where you want to have it. However, I’m not sure how switching locations is going to fix your father issues…won’t they both still be there? Won’t you still have the issue of who gives you away at the end of the aisle or whatever?
Post # 3
m.gilbertsen: a little story….my bro was getting married in 2008 and initially planned a wedding in our hometown but then changed it to a DW because it was turning out to be so much more work than they were willing to do. I HATED the idea, was really disappointed, etc. BUT not my wedding so kept my mouth shut. Long story short, it was an awesome wedding, everyone had a great time AND I had a DW this year because DH and I just loved the concept and vibe of a DW.
My advice is, have the wedding that YOU want to have and that makes you and your FI happy. 30 years from now, it’ll be the two of you who will look back on your day and you want it to be a memory that makes you happy, not a day to make others happy. Everyone else will come around eventually so just say “this is what we want to do for our day” and leave it at that.
Post # 4
It’s impossible to make everyone happy. It’s YOUR and your fiance’s wedding, you both have to do what makes you two happy. IMO, FI’s family is being petty and selfish. They can have their preferences but it is innappropriate of them to be voicing it like this. My advice is to do what makes you two happy
Post # 5
m.gilbertsen: Go with what you BOTH want.
Me and FI are doing the same and similar response from both sides that “it’s not fair” “too far” “inconsiderate” ect. We both decided that we wanted to enjoy a wedding and honeymoon we could afford without going into debt. Everyone from our family would have to travel regardless if we had it at home or in Jamaica, we live in TX, his family is all west coast and mine is all east coast. At first I was really concerned with everyone’s feelings and contemplating taking out loans to pay for this wedding that “family” wanted us to have. Then one day it hit me (besides all of our friends who told us to do what we wanted) Our family won’t be sending us checks each month to pay off the wedding they wanted us to have, WE are getting married, and we don’t want to start our union by doing what others want us to do, family or not. We have made a mini compromise, we are going to have MR & MRS party when we come back, it’s not going to be super fancy our friend will let us use his bar, I’ll wear my dress again, everyone can watch the wedding video eat some bar food, toast shots and dance.
FYI- no parents are coming to Jamaica, his step mom is unable to travel due to sickness, his father & mother have both passed, my father has passed and my mother has declined. My brother will walk me down the aisle.
Your idea of walking down the aisle is really good, another idea- if/when they do come around and decide to go, your dad could begin to walk you down the aisle and meet halfway to your step dad and you three walk down together.
Keep your head up and go with your gut!!
Post # 6
megz06: sorry I should have explained it a little better! My real dad would not be there. Just my mom and my step-father. That’s a real complicated situation but basically if I don’t invite my dad and I have the wedding in my home town he will show up and cause a scene Because I didn’t let him walk me down the isle. The idea behind having a destination wedding is that he won’t know where it is therefore he won’t be able to crash the wedding.
Post # 7
m.gilbertsen: Ah, gotchya. I still sya have the wedding you want. It is going to be near impossible to make everyone happy. If you want a destination wedding, have one. Those that love you the most will be there for you. If your FMIL calls you up and tries to make you feel guilty for it, just say, “I am very sorry you feel that way, FMIL, but I hope you are still able to come support and love us just the same. We would love for you to be there.” And leave it at that.