Post # 1
Last June we decided on a place to get married at, we are getting married in a different town than we live in and its a house that we are renting out for the weekend. We will have the house for us and our attendants for 4 nights and the use of the whole house. Plus chairs for the ceremony, and tables and liens for the reception. We are getting the house for a REALLY good deal!
Okay so my mother told us that she would pay for the venue, and if she wasnt then my FI and I were going to. Since she said she was going to pay for it we havent been saving for it. Well when it came time to put down the first deposit my mom just kept putting it off, and putting it off. FI parents went and looked at it one weekend and they ended up putting the deposit down and my mom was going to pay them back when they got back to town. Well she never paid them back, and at the end of January when the second payment is due on it she called FI parents and told them she cant pay for ANYTHING or yet a lone pay them back for the first deposit. She said that she hasnt saved anything since May, and shes not excited about our wedding anymore because she doesnt feel apart of it because she is not paying for anything.
The bad thing about it is that my mom told FIs mom not to tell us any of this because she doesnt want us to know!! So wouldnt that be like my mom taking credit for something shes not doing??? UHHGGG!! Well FIs parents told us about the conversation, and they told my mom that they told us…and guess what!?! My mom hasnt said ONE word to me about it! So lets just say FI and I have been i full gear and saving everything that we have!! 🙂
Am i overreacting? Should i say something about it to my mom??
Post # 3
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Planning a wedding is stress enough and then to add that on top is an added stressor. We had something kind of like this happen with our rehearsal dinner and my FIL’s and it was a very crushing blow for me. We ended up saying something to his parents and we have since decided to move on and let it go.
His parents are having his aunt pay for our rehearsal but didn’t want us to find out because they wanted us to think they are paying for it. They have asked us also not to tell anyone else that they aren’t paying for it because they want everyone to think they are doing the “traditional” thing.
If I was you I would bring it up to your mom. I am sure that she is ashamed over this and feels very bad about not being able to cover it and this is why she hasn’t brought it up.
Sorry again. Good luck
Post # 4
Im sorry yall are having to go through the same thing! Well I have though about bringing it up to her, but im afraid that she will just break down (she is depressed, and just found out she has fibromyalgia).But its taken care of, and so I just need to enjoy the rest of our planning!
Thanks, and good luck to you too!
Post # 5
Hmmm…that is a tough situation to be in and for that I’m sorry. I would wait a few days to approach your Mom because it sounds like you have quite a few emotions going on right now…disappointment, anger, embarrassment, etc. When you do speak with her try to stick with the facts and not get emotional. I would let her know that you are doing everything you possibly can to make ends meet and you’d like for her to do the same. Although this is a difficult time for many people financially, I would ask her to do everything in her power to save up the funds and pay back your FI’s family in the future. In the end, I think this would help everyone out and for her to “save face”.
Post # 6
@Miss.Lace : Actually FH’s mom broke down crying and it was a huge thing she was so upset over us finding out. I hate to see people get upset so maybe avoiding it is best. Good luck.
Post # 7
I think you need to gently bring it up to your mom. She might be feeling a lot of pressure about what she feels she SHOULD be doing for you related to the wedding. I think if you had an open and kind conversation with her about it – it would ultimately take a lot of the stress off her shoulders that she might be feeling. Tread gently and tell her everything will be OK!! I’m sure in a perfect world, she wanted to take care of everything – but overcommitting is NOT helping anyone (esp you and FI!). Now that you know her financial situation, maybe you can think of other ways to include her?? Give her early deadlines for when that stuff has to be done, too.