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We opted for a church sanctioned group class. At the end they gave us a certificate and some churches would accept that certificate as proof of "premarriage conseling." Ironically we did it to help figure out if there was any topics we didn't discuss yet and had our friend get deputized to marry us.
We actually really wanted to have premarital counseling, we felt like it was important. If you're christian it can be a great time to discuss what the Bible says about marriage and what your marriage means spiritually. For us it was basically a marriage-centered Bible study... nothing about how to communicate with each other or anything like that.
We got married in the catholic church so it was required for us as well. I personally really enjoyed counseling - like you, i feel my husband and i had great communication anyway but i got a lot out of counseling. we talked about a lot of things neither of us thought to bring up. I swear it brought us even closer together and made us both really excited about the future.
While i think it can be very beneficial I can see your point too- counseling is def a personal choice but since it's required and your FI wants to do it I would say try and keep an open mind about it and try and learn something from it. You probably wont have too many sessions anyway - we only had 2 outside of pre-cana
@DeathByDesign: Same for FI and I. We havn't started yet but are excited too :)
I kind of wish we would have. I'm curious to see what they could bring up that we hadn't/haven't thought of.
@DeathByDesign: That is probably what it will be since its a minister.
I am looking forward to our talk with the paster. Just seeing what all the bible says about marriage and how to have a good solid christian marriage.
Now if I were recommended to do it through a counciler I wouldn't like that at all.
ugh counseling was kind of a waste of time for us. We had already discussed 100% of the topics. I really think the counselors were annoyed that we didn't have more problems/ things wrong with us, but we came from normal families and feel rather normal.
We had to do premarital counseling and it was a chore for us as well but not because we think it isn't necesssary but because we're older and the topics didn't match up with us as they do with younger couples.
The pastor doesn't tell you what you should do. He just brings up topics like finances, children, chores, habits, hobbies, etc. so that you can discuss them because most couples don't discuss EVERYTHING in detail. And, he may cause you to delve deeper than you have before. It will be boring if the two of you have already dug deep on a particular topic, but overall it should be of some help.
We are expirenced couple, I am 30 and he is 40, this is his 2nd marriage, my first. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. We have read several books about marriage and relationships, and discussed topics that came out of them. But I still cannot stand the idea of sitting down with the minister that is marrying us and discussing things. I forgot to note the minister that is marrying us is not our home church's minister, he is my FI former minister. I have never been to his church and I don't agree with some of what his church teaches (he is nondenominational, I am Methodist). I have a minister I like at our home church, but when we started wedding planning our church was going through a rough time and changing ministers. Using my FI former minister was a compromise I made with him.
I also have a problem with anyone else getting involved in someone elses relationship. If you can't discuss the topics with your significant other without someone telling you to, then do you really have an open communication relationship? Its intrusive. If I have something that bothers me, I go right to my FI and we sit down and talk about it. I don't want or need anyone else in our personal business.
@futuremrshicks: I completely understand where you are coming from but i want to point out that pre-marital counseling isn't necessarily to discuss your problems (we can do that on our own) but more just to prepare you for marriage. Try not to think of it as a counseling session with a therapist where you throw all your problems on a table and try and work through them with a mediator because its not like that at all. More or less its a discussion about discussions you two should have on your own. Think of it more like a guidence counselor at school - they try and guide you in the right direction, help motivate and try and give you everything you need to be sucessful in your carrer choice. Premarital counseling is a lot like that - its guidence and support more than anything else. i really dont' think the minister will dig into your personal lives and try and stir up trouble or dig up problems.
Not trying to change your mind or anything - but i figured if your FI is so set on counseling and its a requirement i thought i might be able to help you see it in a different light and at least be able to get through it without feeling like it was forced on you. Good luck!
Think of it like "preventative healthcare" or a "tune-up". To maintain your health and your car, you don't wait til it's in trouble to get it checked out! It's just a way to take care of your relationship and prepare you for those times when it's not perfect! I don't know the details of your counseling, but I don't think it will be like in the TV shows where you two are being instigated. I imagine they will just bring up topics you may not have thought about...particularly the ones that cause problems in most couples.
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Am I the only one in the world that hates premarital counseling? The minister that is marrying me and my FI strongly recommends (read between the lines - requires) it. I have never liked couseling of any sort. I have 2 good friends that counseling destroyed their relationships and one almost committed suicide because of something a counselor did to her. My FI will not even consider not going through it. As cliche as it sounds, him and I have a nearly perfect relationship. We discuss EVERYTHING and don't have a problem confronting the other when needed. I have a severe problem with someone outside a relationship butting their way in and giving their suggestions as to how they think we should live and communicate. Sorry for the vent, just needed to get my feelings out to someone who will listen.