Post # 1
So the other day MIL came to visit us in our new apartment. There had been some behind the scenes drama about SO moving out “so early” (26 and we’ve been together 5 years) and it took her 3 months to finally decide to come visit,so I was very happy she took that step. During the visit, she noticed that there were no curtains and offered to buy us a couple of pairs. I politely declined. A week later, when SO visited her, she handed him over two pairs of curtains as a gift. They are from the flea market and look cheap,don’t go with our colors (purple curtains for lime green bedroom with white furniture) and I don’t really like them. What do I do to not hurt her feelings? She said we could change them for something we like more, but I doubt there will be something I’d like there,plus the flea market is a really long drive to the suburbs where she lives. And I had a pair of really cute IKEA curtains in mind. What should I do? Do I really have to put them up there?
Post # 2
Ugh-that sucks. Maybe you can tell her they were involved in a terrible accident in the washing machine and they couldn’t be saved. Why people don’t listen to others’ wishes is beyond me. I would not feel obligated to hang them up but being the passive person I am towards my MIL, I’d come up with some story as to what happened to them.
Post # 3
I’d shove them in a drawer and never say another word about it.
Post # 4
melissamaria: When you say she noticed you had no curtains, you don’t mean there’s nothing there, right? Like, are there blinds? Assuming there are blinds, I’d just put the curtain in the linen closet — how likely is it that she’s going to investigate your bedroom next time she comes over? If there aren’t any blinds though, I’d put up the curtains!
Post # 5
People are under no obligation to decorate their home with gifts chosen by others- relatives or not. Your home is your refuge, not hers. Choose the curtains you want.
You should not feel one iota of guilt about not hanging them. You declined her offer. She ignored that and bought something you don’t like.
The next time you do go to visit where she lives, take the curtains back to the flea market and see if you can get a refund or exchange them for something else. If not, no skin off your teeth.
Post # 6
melissamaria: how often does she come to visit? If she only comes by very occasionally, i would probably just hang them when she comes to visit.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Can you tell her you “exchanged” the ones she got you for your IKEA ones?
I know my MIL would totally notice something like this so I would probably make up something like MrsYokiman suggested.
Post # 8
WestCoastV: Haha,that’s what my SO suggested. She doesn’t visit often,but mean as it may sound I think that’s a step too far than I’m prepared to take.
Daisy_Mae: Yes,there are blinds! The problem is she got us curtains for the living room too. And she did investigate the bedroom last time,but it was her first visit so she probably just wanted a tour of the apartment.
julies1949: Thank you! I mean, the last gift she got us was a plastic mini Virgin Mary sculpture,although she knows both SO and I are atheists. And it’s not like she’s super religious or anything,I don’t think she ever goes to church, so I was starting to suspect it was a passive aggressive gift. Now I think she’s just no good at aknowledging what other people want.
MrsYokiman: Yeah,I’m that kind of person too.
jny1179: stephanie091512: I think I’ll probably say thank you and when and IF she comes over again and notices the IKEA curtains (which she will) I’ll make up some story. Maybe that we had some IKEA loyalty points and got them for free JUST a couple of days before.I mean, we had your curtains up all this time
Post # 9
I would but the IKEA curtains and tell your MIL you exchanged her curtains for those if she asks.
My fiance’s mom bought us a comforter for our guest room that I didn’t care for when we first moved into our house. I put it in the closet right after she left and bought a duvet that I liked. I’m a picky person and don’t want other people with completely different styles trying to decorate for me. She may have been trying to be nice, but I was just annoyed! She also tried to force us into buying a bedroom set that we didn’t like for the guest room, so she would have a place to stay. She didn’t even care what we thought!
Post # 10
Yeah,I’m picky too. My SO is much more easy-going and was a little upset that I can’t just hang his mother’s curtains. But this is the first home I bought and I’m proud of it and want to decorate it EXACTLY how I want. Don’t I deserve this? My mother also told me it’s a gift and I must hang them.And when we told MIL we might exchange them for a different color she was like “what color is the room?” She hadn’t noticed. Ugh.
Post # 11
melissamaria: I don’t think you have to hang them! Did you use all the gifts you got from your wedding (I mean the non-registry ones)? We definitely returned the things that didn’t match our style.
We did get a piece of art (my great-aunt is an artist and she gifted us one of her paintings) that is very nice but not my style. My mom keeps asking us when we are going to put it up, and I just keep telling her we don’t have a place for it right now but might in the future. I mean, it could maybe go in a gallery wall somewhere in a future house?
Can you let your MIL know that they don’t work in your current room but you’re saving them for another room in the future? Maybe she will forget about them by then. 🙂
Post # 12
No,I don’t think that will work. She’s a bit of a drama queen. She baked us a pie the other day and it was delicious and we were thankful,but she kept saying “I put so much effort to this,don’t throw it away” and “I got so tired from baking this pie”. She must have said this about 20 times. IMO,if you give a gift in order to complain, it’s better to not give it at all.
She asked if we liked the curtains and we told her yes but we might want a different color and asked for the address. Well,she didn’t give it to us. She said we should tell her what color we wanted and she would exchange them for us. But it’s not just the color, can’t she get her taste is not universal? I don’t know,maybe she’s trying to be nice, but she puts me in a difficult position.