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Oops. I really don't know - maybe you just have to pray that a bunch of them will have conflicts. And there goes your whole actual B list. There is not any good way to tell someone that they're really not invited - especially if you said "formal invitation to follow" on your STDs. You might just have to suck it up and go with nine per table, and hope folks feel friendly.
You have convinced me though that I need to call our venue about the same issue - we have been to banquets there before, and argue periodically about whether there were 8 or 10 per table. Luckily we have enough room either way, but I'm going to need to know how many tables there will be...
do you think all of your A list will reply that they'll come?
i would just invite everyone who got an STD. chances are, enough will not be able to make it that your table woes won't be an issue.
I think it would be absolutely awful to not invite someone who got a STD to begin with. If you must must do so, I think you should personally call and explain the situation.
That said, you never know who will be able to come to the wedding--even if you've taken an audit and tried to guess who won't be coming.
Honestly, worse case, if there are a bit more than 200 people that come, you'll have a few tables here and there that have 9 or 10 people even. Your guests will probably be happier that they can attend your wedding and be slightly cramped...than not being invited at all.
you have to invite them if you sent them an STD! its as good as an invite. I've heard 25% of invitees won't come. are you getting married in 'wedding season' (summer)? Is it a long weekend? then even less will come. Forget about your B-list.
You guys are right - cramped is better then no invite. I'll just have to tell FFIL and MIL that 10 per table has to happen other wsie the people that are going to get the boot are the last minute entries they made of their friends (which either way I think will work out fine)
Ugh, the stuff I get myself into. Here I thought I was better organized then this!!
. Thanks again ladies!
I think you should invite them all and just be ready to be flexible. Not everyone will be able to come.
But I understand the stretch - I'm definitely counting on the 20% not showing and sometimes it gives me nightmares. And then I tell myself - well we'll just turn it in to heavy h'oudeuvres and not assign seating. It'll turn out OK. (please don't let that happen)
If you physically have the room, anyone who was sent a STD needs to be A-list. It is very rude to send a STD then not invite them (as you might not if they are B-list, and all your A list comes)
Squishing people is better than being rude. Odds are, you'll be able to invite everyone, but I wouldn't take that chance.
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Sweeney2Be regarding another post you had on wedding chair covers I am also in MN and would LOVE to know who you are using. Please feel free to email me at javucinovich@hotmail.com.
Thanks, I am looking at places in MN this weekend!
Ignore my last message, I just saw your message to me. Thank you so much.
I would squish people in, especially if they already received STD's, remember that only about 80% of those invited come. Good luck!
You literally cannot send someone an STD and then not invite them. They could have already made travel plans, reservations, etc. I would much prefer 8 people to a table. Unfortunately, our site can only hold 15 tables, 10 at each, and we have invited 156 people. It is supposed to be about 20% can't come. If you think about it, most guests only sit at the table for the 30-45 minutes it takes to eat. don't worry about it. The tables are roomy enough for 10 people.
Look on the bright side, if they're squashed in at the tables they're more likely to get up and mingle/dance!
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I also agree it's horrible to send someone an STD card and not an actual invite. Everyone who recieved a STD card should be put on the "A" list. Just as I am praying I'll get more "declines" than the standard. It's better to send an invite since you'll never know. And if worse comes to worse, you can put 9-10 people at a few tables. No one will really care or notice (especially if you sit people who are friends or relatives together).
Okay, I just took a step back and reread the post title again...
"B Listing those who got STD's"
Hahahahaha. Sometimes I just have to forget about wedding abbreviations for a minute.
It's against the rules of etiquette to send someone an STD and not send an invitation... you don't know who has made the plan to travel based upon that and your sending an STD is an implication you will be sending an invite. Remember that aprx 15-25% of the people you invite won't be able to make it or just can't make it...
FYI- I was just at a wedding over the weekend and we had 10 to a table and trust me it wasn't that bad. I had plenty of room to eat and it gave us (FH and I) more people to chat with!
As it stands right now, just send them the invites and worry about seating later- it's too early right now to worry if people are going to be crammed!
then place 10 per table as you've already invited them. or be prepared to lose friendships just b/c you didn't want to make it super cozy. :P
I agree with audgirl that you should call each B-lister if you decide not to invite them. A few years ago, my friend, the groom, sent me a STD for his wedding. I went ahead and planned for the weekend and bought a dress. I found out a few months before the wedding that invitations had been mailed and that I didn't receive one. The "de-listing" wasn't that bad (saved me from a weekend of traveling); but it hurt more that my friend didn't have the courtesy to update me.
UPDATE -
Guess what we figured out....I was counting the entire wedding party as being seated with guests, when in actuality they are sitting at the head table - so I just opened up 10 more seats, thats a whole table! I still feel really dumb about it...lol
DUH!
We are now quite happy with the fact we won't have to B list any A listers with that find and the adding of 1-2 guests per table to fill them completely instead of just having 8 guests at a 10 seater table.
FMIL and FFIL are not exactly happy with it, but what can we do? It will all be just fine.
I feel so much better! I really would have hated to do it - but I would have taken the adive and called each if I had too.
Again, thanks girls! You are always so helpful!!!
I know Sweeney's resolved her issue - but just incase someone else has a similar issue..
It's not ok to B-list anyone who got a STD. By sending a STD, you're saying that you will invite them, so they should make travel plans, take time off work, reschedule any other events, etc. in hopes that they can celebrate with you. If you then B-list them, and take the chance of not inviting them (all A-listers attend) you have been extremely rude and inconsiderate.
Calling does not solve the problem - can you imagine getting the call? "Um we don't want to squish people, so since we don't have room for you, we may not be able to invite you...". Beyond rude. I wouldn't even know what to say if I got that call!
Sweeney - I'm glad it worked out anyways 
Thanks Maple! And you are right, I really couldn't imagine the horror of having to make the calls. I'm glad I asked and got all this great help and info before making a rash and possibly horribly rude decision.
Make sure you all see your tables before you agree to them, and see them set up, not just empty like I did. It was one wedding mistake I'm glad wee fixed before it was too late and I outcasted friends and family!
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Ok I'm going to give you the cliff notes version: Venue set up for dinner was 10 people per table, I saw the set, it up looked ok to me and my step mom and FMIL who were with - I agreed to the set up and made guest list and STD's based on 22 tables at 10 each.
I took FFIL and FI into the venue the day we chose our linens and they both think that 10 per table is WAY too much, that they will be crammed in and want 8 per table. I see their poitn and agree. But if we drop to 8 per table, and put in 25 tables (max for the room) that is still only 200, and I need roughly the 220 that I had in the beginning. (9 per table could work in a few places but as we're not haivng kids at the reception, there's not many odd numbers coming)
STD's were sent out to A listers ONLY, but now I'm left having to B list some of them and they already got STD's. I've gone over the guest list 10 times, counted out the people we actually know won't/can't make it, and its still not low enough...
I know it's WAY BAD etiquette to B list someone who got an STD - but I don't know what else to do - I can't send out more invites then space I have available in the room just in case we get those won't/can'ts and they really are going to make it...you know? Any other suggestions? I don't know who I'm sending invites to anymore...lol