(Closed) Uh oh, take the risk or appoint someone else?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: do I or don't I ask her?
    yes, go ahead : (11 votes)
    73 %
    no, choose someone else : (4 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would ask them and give them a deadline for a yes or no answer so you could ask someone else.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Assuming you want them to stand up there with you during the ceremony and stuff, I would wait to make sure they can come. Or say “I would love for you to be a bridesmaid if you can make it! Let me know the second you find out!!”

    Post # 5
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think go ahead and ask them, I’m sure (hopefully) they’ll have enough sense to regretfully decline if they can’t commit/guarantee they’ll be there. you know?

    Post # 6
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I would go ahead and ask them.  My wedding was in the US, but my best friend and her family live in Japan.  I asked her to be a bridesmaid and her two little girls to be the flower girls right away, but I told them I totally understood if they couldn’t make it.  I told them they would be honorary members of the bridal party one way or another.  I didn’t know for sure that she was coming until about two months before the wedding, but the wait was so worth it.

    However, I also had other local bridesmaids, so the situation was somewhat different for me.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think the point of asking bridesmaids is to ask who is closest to you in friendship and support, not who has the ability to afford the airplane ticket.  So I’d use that as my guide for who to ask.

    ETA: If my closest friend was getting married in another country but hadn’t officially asked me to be a BM yet, I’d be waffling a bit on my responses to her as well.  Until I know for sure I’m in the bridal party or invited to the wedding, I’m not sure whether to save up the money for it or not.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3485 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I would ask her, but stress to her that you completely understand that if the financial commitment of getting there is too much, she’ll have to decline– and there’ll be no hard feelings. Let herknow that you need a commitment early, and if she doesn’t know if that’s possible to just let you know, and she can be an “honored” guest instead.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    There is no necessity to have a certain number of bridesmaids. Ask all the girls you would want to stand up for you and support you. If any can’t come, then so be it. If they all show, great.

    Post # 10
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    You should definitely ask them and tell them that you will understand if they can’t make it. You will however have to give them a deadline for an answer because if they can’t make it, you will have to ask someone else and that person/s will also need to establish whether they can afford to go etc. It’s definitely something that has to be planned quite some time in advance so you can’t wait for an answer too long.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MissHolly:  To reiterate what a PP said, bridesmaids are close friends you want there with you on the special day – not people who happen to be good at centrepiece advice. I wouldn’t base my judgement on someone’s “skills” as a bridesmaid, but maybe that is just me and you may well be looking for different qualities in a bridesmaid to me.

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