Post # 1
So most of you know that when it comes to things having to do with our wedding, I’m pretty laid back. I wanted to get a flower girl dress that my sister and her kids could live with. Mohawk… no problem. Bridesmaid outfits… whatever the girls like best. But today… well… something finally got to me.
I called sis just to check in and find out if the flower girl jewelry had arrived yet. She said "no, but we have the suits for the ring bearers."
"Suits? We discussed tuxes."
"Yeah, well, me and [other sis-name redacted] decided these would be better."
"Oh, so did you buy them already?"
"Yep, we got blue (!) pants, light blue sateen shirts(!) and blue and gold striped ties."
"Oh, ok. I’m sure it will look great. Any reason I didn’t know about the switch?"
"Um, I don’t know. [Other sis name redacted] was supposed to tell you."
"OK, well, I trust your judgment."
And I really do trust their judgment, but it is kind of surprising not to know about this until after the fact. I am confident that once I change my mental mindset, I’ll like these even more than what I envisioned before. Still, I was caught off guard and the whole situation definitely got to me for a minute. My inner control freak is buried deep inside, but clearly she’s alive and well! Gotta work on that one!
Has something like this happened to you? How did you handle it? What would you have done in this situation?
Post # 3
Doctorgirl, you handled that so well! I would have gone ‘Zilla on them!
To not even run it by you? Not cool.
Well, I hope it turns out and the suits look cute 🙂 Let us know how it goes! 🙂
Post # 4
Oh doctorgirl, I am so the opposite of you. I am such a control freak! I would be SO MAD. Even if I liked the suits better, I’d probably make them use tuxes out of principle, because in addition to controlling, I am also vindictive. I think you are handling it much better than I would!
Post # 5
Trust me, I felt a little stunned… but it’s been a few hours and I’m coming around to it. Don’t let me fool you though, my control freak definitely reared it’s ugly head for a minute. Deep breathing helped a lot!
Post # 6
Ah, doctorgirl, don’t beat yourself up about it. 🙂 I think you put the rest of us to shame with your calm ways. I bet most of us would have reacted quite a bit more dramatically in your situation!
I think the closer you get to wedding, the less you will care about this particular element. So time will help a lot. Also, maybe it would help to actually see the suit instead of just hear it described? The colors sound a little weird, but maybe it actually looks great and the description is lacking.
And, if you see what the suits look like and you still don’t think you are ok with this decision, you’ll be able to point out exactly why the suits won’t work or why tuxes would work better instead.
Post # 7
If it had been a switch from a black tux to a black suit, I would have let it go since it wouldn’t really be that big of a difference. But to switch from a black tux to a blue suit could potentially clash with the rest of your bridal party (I’m not sure if it does, since I don’t remember what color they are wearing). It was really wrong of your sisters to change the colors without consulting you.
You might ask to see pictures of the suit and see how well it will go with the rest of the bridal party and make a decision after you see how well it will go with the rest of the bridal outfits. If it was really an awful clash, I would look into renting a tux or a suit for them. It’s not ideal that you have to deal with this, but sometimes family is slightly less than helpful.
Post # 8
Yeah…way to make us feel bad! 🙂 I may not have made them change, but I would have been a little upset that they went ahead and bought something without telling me, and probably would have said something (a little) rude. I think you handled it pretty well!
Post # 9
I would have flipped. Stunned and confused, I would have called and had the entire order changed by now. I applaud you.
Post # 10
Good for you for being so calm! I probably would have said ok (being the meek little conflict-avoider I am) but it would have really bothered me that they made that change without consulting THE BRIDE. That’s just rude. I still might have brought up to them that it was a little, eh, surprising…
Anyway, you handled it better than most of us would have. In the grand scheme of things, stuff like this will probably not affect your enjoyment of your wedding day–and thanks for always being a level-headed, good reminder of this!
Post # 11
I’ll admit, I feel a little like a push-over. But honestly, in thinking about it, how much is this really going to affect me going forward? Not enough to make a stink about it…
I can’t wait to see a picture of what they came up with (because I can’t really visualize it well) and show it to all of you when I get one. That may morph the discussion one way or another!
Post # 12
I just had this happen to me a couple of weeks ago.
My FMIL wanted to help me out with something, so I gave her the STDs to put in the notecards, address, and mail out. She calls me a few days later and asks if I have the missing addresses from the excel sheet that I sent her, I gave her the addresses. I then proceeded to let her know that there were certian ones that I did not want her to mail out just yet. (You know, B list people.) We went down the list of people NOT TO SEND THEM TO. So I call her a few days later to ask if she had marked who she did and did NOT send them to.
What does she tell me?…
FMIL: "Oh, I just went ahead and sent them all out. Is that okay?" (That kept going through my head, "IS THAT OKAY?" HHMMMM…)
I was pretty speachless, "Um, well, *sigh*, okay, that’s fine."
FMIL: "Oh, that wasn’t okay was it? I’m sorry."
I was FURIUOS. Needless to say, the next time I saw her and she asked me what she could help me with, I thought in my mind, "NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL". I politely let her know that I didn’t have anything for now, but thanks.
Post # 13
I think that is worse Jezzybell. I’d have been really upset about that… It sounds like you handled it really well!
Post # 14
OK, now I might need some talking down. Tell me this looks ok, and that I won’t notice the brown button on the pants! I think we can ignore the problems with tying the tie…That’ll just take someone who knows how to do it.
On the flip side, my nephew might be the cutest kid ever 🙂 (but don’t tell my nieces that… They’re the cutest too!)
Post # 15
What are the GMs wearing? That might look odd next to tuxes, especially with the blue shirt. I do not love it. Some people think that male children in weddings should not wear tuxes (I do not understand these people), and I’m wondering if that’s what’s going on in your sisters’ heads? If you don’t like it, I think now is the time to tell them you really aren’t ok with it.
Post # 16
I agree with the above poster who noted that this may look odd next to groomsmen in tuxes or suits. The good news is that it looks like the tags are still on the clothes – hopefully it will be easy to return if you don’t like it.