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Sad and frustrated...need advice! Please help me!
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MOH dressless wedding in 23 days!

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do
    nothing. Your MOH will take care of it before the wedding : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Nag her until she buys it : (25 votes)
    33 %
    buy a back up dress in her size -- just in case : (21 votes)
    28 %
    punch her in the face : (24 votes)
    32 %
    get a dress but not in her size. (For a backup MOH) : (0 votes)
  •  
    1.
    Member
    1,091 posts
    Bumble bee
    stlginkgo    3/20/10  

    ok bee's I have some news. I am getting married in 23 days and my MOH has not ordered her dress yet. AHHHHHH! SO a little information: the dress is from JCrew and takes about 1 week to 1.5 weeks to get in. If she orders it by this weekend (which she has been telling me she would do since Jan!) it will get to her in time but prob not enough time for any alterations. Please vote in my poll to help me with this added stress!

     
    2.
    Member
    1,091 posts
    Bumble bee
    stlginkgo    3/20/10  

    or tell me what you would do if the poll doesn't cover it

     
    3.
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee
    SpinningJenny    August 7, 2010   Omaha, NE

    Eek. I would buy it in her size and then send her the bill so she could pay you back. As a huge procrastinator from a long line of procrastinators with many procrastinators for friends (and *cough* fiance), I'm doing this for my bridesmaids because I know how they are. :P

     
    4.
    2,766 posts
    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    I would say either 1)sit with her WHILE she orders it if possible or 2) buy the dress in her size just in case......I dont think nagging her will do much since you have probably been telling her to do it since January (or whenever) and she still hasnt done it! Next time you are at her plae or she is at yours just say "hey lets go on the jcrew website and order your dress, I dont want you to have to be naked at my wedding!" Im sure this will do the trick!

     
    5.
    Member
    1,437 posts
    Bumble bee
    greenleafmountain    7.31.2010  

    First, I would ask her why she hasn't ordered it.  Maybe she has some hesitations about being in the wedding but is too chicken to bring it up.  The last think you would want would be to buy her a dress, and then have her not show up on the wedding day or something.

    If you've spoken to her about it and it turns out she is just a really bad procrastinator and there aren't any deeper issues, then refocus on the dress.  I wouldn't buy it for her, because you will probably never get paid back.  What is J. Crew's return policy?  It they allow returns within 30 days, I would say buy her a dress in her size, but keep it hidden away and don't tell her about it.  If she orders herself a dress you can just return the one you ordered and she'll never know you were planning on her flaking.  If she doesn't order the dress, then you can bring out the one you ordered and give it to her.  BUT I would make her pay you in cash before you give her the dress.  Otherwise I think you'll never see that money.

    Sorry you're stuck dealing with other people's flakiness when you should be focusing on yourself so close to the wedding :(

     
    6.
    Hostess
    1,345 posts
    Bumble bee
    whitesonnet    June 26, 2010   Detroit, MI

    I would be super offended if I was your MOH and you bought the dress for me and then sent me a receipt. I think if you are that worried, then take a trip with her up to the store to order it there. Make it like a date with dinner or whatever.

    My MOH is doing the same thing and I trust she'll get it in time, but we're a lot farther out than you guys are. She just needs a dress, alterations are her problem if she can't get them done.

     
    7.
    Member
    2,684 posts
    Sugar bee
    Goldilocks1107    September 2010   Madison, WI

    I picked the Punch Her option, just because that's what I'd feel like doing. But, don't actually do it because then you'll probably need another MOH! Laughing

     
    8.
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    FutureMrsBaird    June 25, 2010   TX

    Hahaha I picked the "punch her in the face" too.

    Kidding, obviously, but I would feel like doing it also. Reiterate to her that if it's not ordered by this weekend, she won't get it in time. And that is stressing you out. Then I would ask her if she's doing okay financially and see if that's the reason she hasn't ordered yet.

     
    9.
    14,581 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    I would SO punch my MOH! lol. Not really but I'd be like "D, you NEED THIS DRESS NOW". But really, WHY is she waiting? Money??

     
    10.
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    1,158 posts
    Bumble bee
    mrsmdphd    April 17, 2009  

    Ok, honestly, I'd order it for her and not really care if she's offended.  Really!  You've asked her to do this one thing and she hasn't managed to do it.  You can be offended, but all she can really do is be sorry.  Sorry that she's causing you stress on what should be a stress-free issue this close to what will likely be a kind of stressful couple of weeks.  Come. On.  She agreed to be your MOH and if NOTHING else that means she buys the dress and shows up.  Should have already been done.  I'm SO sorry you're dealing with this!

     
    11.
    3,234 posts
    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    I also voted "punch her in the face"

    Here is what just happened with my MOH and our JCrew BM dresses. I gave them 4 options, one of which was like $30 more expensive than the other three. MOH liked that one the best but was going to go with a less expensive one. I said don't worry I'll cover the $30 if you like that one the best (and I also ordered it for her and she's paying me back in like a month or two). So they came in really quickly, she took almost a month to come over and try it on (we both live in NYC) and she now decided she doesn't like that one and now I have to exchange it for one of the other ones. She's also playing the "I'll lose weight" card with me. I'm like DUDE buy a dress that fits you and have it altered if you lose weight. So annoying.

    I better not get a hard time from JCrew about this exchange or else I will seriously, literally punch her in the face - hence my vote. Your MOH is worse because you have 23 days. That's just ridiculous. In all seriousness buy it for her and make her pay you back. It's not rude to do that. What's rude is to be someone's MOH and be 23 days out from their wedding and not have bothered getting your dress.

     
    12.
    Member
    1,675 posts
    Bumble bee
    farmersdaughter    June 26, 2010  

    I voted to punch her in the face, but only because I thought it was funny, not because I'm really a proponent of bridezilla violence! =)

    In all seriousness though, that is super frustrating. I would call her up and just try to have a nice, but frank conversation about how important it is to me that she order her dress ASAP. Maybe try the angle of letting her know how much is on your mind in the last few weeks before the wedding, and it will just be one less thing for you to think about once she orders. And remind her sometimes shipping takes longer than expected, and you don't want her to end up without a dress!

     
    13.
    Member
    6,033 posts
    Bee Keeper
    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    I picked to punch her.  That would so make me mad. I agree to either take her to the store or sit there while she orders it. I am sure that she'll get it done, but you don't need that stress!

     
    14.
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    52 posts
    Worker bee
    Mrs.Lundvik    September 4, 2010   Sweden

    But, why is she hesitating? Is she playing the "I'll lose weight" card maybe? Or has something happen between you? Is she out of money?

     

    I voted for the naging.

     
    15.
    Member
    1,091 posts
    Bumble bee
    stlginkgo    3/20/10  

    Update: I emailed her and told her it was her daily nagging. She let me know that she wouldn't miss the wedding unless she was dead and she is waiting for her job to pay her back travel expenses ad not to worry about it. I reminded her that it will take awhile to get the dress in.....I think I am still going to order one incase she waits too long.

     
    16.
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    BubblyBride    March 20, 2010  

    I am in a similar situation - and we're date twins...  I'm just about to post asking for advice from the bees on my BM dresses...

    Good luck - hope everything works out for you!!

     
    17.
    Member
    947 posts
    Busy bee
    mimosa    May 29, 2010   NC

    The nerve of her!  I would be sssooo pissed, it's unacceptable.  I picked punch, you've got so much going on she really wants to add this as another stressor?? ughz, I hope it all works out. 

     
    18.
    Hostess
    7,632 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    MightySapphire      

    As much as I wanted to vote for "punch her in the face" I actually think that she'll get the dress.  And since it's an off the rack JCrew I doubt she'll need alterations.  Just try to breathe and avoid seeing her in person until she has the dress.  Oh, and call her every hour until she has ordered it!

     
    19.
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    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    socalbride86    July 7, 2010   Chicago

    wow what extra unneeded stress! I am so sorry! If you can afford it buy it for her and tell her to pay you back by a date bc you have to pay your credit card bill bc you are broke... and I would be seriously offended, but that is just me

     
    20.
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    630 posts
    Busy bee
    cbgg      

    I think the question of why is kind of critical here?  Is she strapped for cash?  Is she a mad procrastinator (ie does she doe this all the time or is this out of the ordinary)?  Is she protesting something?  

    In reality the dress takes a 1-1.5 weeks to arrive and you've got more than 3 weeks.  I think it's going to be ok.  If it were me I'd just let her deal with it because at this point in time you don't need one more thing to worry about/spend time on.

     

     
    21.
    Member Icon
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee
    SoonToBeMrsV    July 3, 2010  

    If it's a money thing = can you offer to pay for the dress now and she can reimburse you when her travel expenses come in?  I'm doing this for one of my BM's who I know has cash flow/ money management issues.  I think the only thing with doing this is to be prepared to never be paid back.  I'm not counting on it but I knew this about her when I asked her... and if she does, it's a bonus!

     
    22.
    Hostess
    9,018 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    daydreamwanderer       DC

    Can we get another update? I'm wicked curious...

     
    23.
    Member
    1,860 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Magenta    July 31, 2010   Springfield MA- Wedding in PR

    me too... i want to know  what happen?

     
    24.
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    16 posts
    Newbee
    bananas21    April 16, 2010   Chicago

    Flove the "punch her in her face" option!  I am so not a violent person and have never had more urges to sock people in the face as I have had in the last few months planning our wedding.

    I agree with the last two posters - we need an update!

     

     
    25.
    Member
    1,091 posts
    Bumble bee
    stlginkgo    3/20/10  

    UPDATE: She claims to have bought it last week. I have her roommte (she lives out of state) double checking on this -- I did not order one since she "claimed" to have gotten one......I'll keep you ladies posted!

     
    26.
    Hostess
    9,018 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    daydreamwanderer       DC

    heheheh... I love that wedding planning reduces us to having our friends spy on each other for us.

    this is such a special in our lives.... hhaha.... :D

     
    27.
    Hostess
    3,751 posts
    Honey bee
    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    thats gold, glad you got the check up. to be sure to be sure!!

    gotta love wedding planning...

     

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