Weddingbee boards

My mom has become increasingly childish and unreasonable.  I've already asked that she not pay for the wedding because of her outragious behavior and I've also made a rule to never speak to her about the wedding progress.  Any little thing I mention is shot down or I'm called a wonderfully nasty name (wh*re, irresponsible, cheap, tacky, idiot, and the like).  But I did need addresses from her (so I thought).  She toddled along with getting them after I told her about it in August and reminded her again 2 weeks ago about the Labor Day deadline.  And, after being half a week late, I called her up and she's blowing a paycheck at a casino-- and hasn't even begun asking for addresses.

I was so fed up that I sent out a facebook message to all my relatives asking for the addresses myself.  My facebook addicted cousins (it's ok, I'm an addict too) come to rescue and I get everyone's addresses in 3 hours.  I probably should have done this in the first place but I thought a phone call from my parents would be more proper and nice.  Oh well, it's done.

Anyways, I've been telling my mom ever since I've been engaged that I'm inviting her family-- my family.  I've already received the addresses for my stepdad's family but I want her family there too.  She is livid.  She didn't want any of her family (my family) to be there because she is still upset over the fact that they never call her or invite her to any family functions.  Nevermind the fact that she is on the east coast and her family is on the west coast and by the time anyone over there would have time to sit down and talk with her, she would probably be headed to bed.  "Oh but my mom would call me!" Grandma was a housewife like her so she had time during the day to talk with her.. all her siblings work outside the home.  And even my cousin was icredulous that they would even consider inviting her over for a family bbq or whatever our family would have scheduled. 

But my mom is unmoved.  She told me if I invite my aunts and uncles, she will slap them.  She will make a scene and hates them because they are unclassy and mean (yeah, give that one a thought...).  So what do I do?  I was on the phone crying with my cousin, one of the few friends I grew up with as a child and she won't be there to celebrate with me at my wedding.  I will look across the room and besides my mom, I won't see anyone who I'm actually related to.  It will hardly feel like a family function if most of my family, who will only be 2 hours away, can't come.  How can I convince my mom to not fight with my family and let my family come.  Or should I just drop the issue and let her win for the sake of physically protecting my family?

Thanks for the advice!  I just don't know if I could do that.   If I don't invite her (believe me, I've been thinking about it), I know my stepdad won't come.  He supports her, he has told me repeatedly that when she goes, he's gone from my life.  He only cares about me because she cares about me.  He's a nice man when he wants to be and if he doesn't go, then his family won't come.  I really want them to come because they consider me family and I consider them the same too.  I just have this picture that if I uninvite my mom, then he won't come, they won't come, most of my mom's family may not come, who knows.  And then I'll be standing up there and there will be no one there for me on my family's side.  I know it might be irrational but it's all I can see right now.

He supports her, he has told me repeatedly that when she goes, he's gone from my life.  He only cares about me because she cares about me.  He's a nice man when he wants to be....

Anyone who would tell you that the only reason they care about you by proxy, because someone else cares about you, is not very nice, no matter how you cut it.  And for him to remind you repeatedly that he doesn't really care about you, only because your mom is around, is pretty emotionally abusive.  Which, considering the situation with your mom, sounds like the two of them, at least, have found their soulmate in each other.

If I were you, I would forget the the two of them, and invite your stepdad's family and blood relatives.  If they care about you, they will show up whether your stepdad is there or not.  Or, like suggested above, hire a "mom babysitter" who can be there to hustle her out if she shows signs of acting up.  Should be relatively cheap to hire someone off of craigslist.