Post # 1
After seeing the post about people being rude about your ring. I wonder if anyone else has had an experience where someone has been rude about your engagement? My FI (C) has this old roomate, T, that I thought was a normal person. I’d met him a couple times when C and I started dating 5 years ago and never thought there was a problem. And when I moved countries to be with my FI, my FI kept telling me how great T’s FI, L, was and how he was excited for us to meet, and possibly hang out, because I knew NO ONE in my new country. However, when he introduces us one night out, she totally blew me off.
FI: L, this is K, she’s finally moved out here!
L: Oh, hi, um, I’ll be right back.
She did come back hours later… to buy my boyfriend a beer and completely ignore me further. Months later they were inviting people to their wedding. Not only did I not get invited, my FI was handed his invitation in front of me at a bar, with the comment "C, We really hope YOU can make it". Cut to another year later, FI and my enagagement party. FI wanted to invite them because he is an old roommate after all. I decided to be the bigger person and invite them. They came, didn’t speak to me until they left (after 45 mins) and T’s only comment to me was "Just remember, I’ll never forget how C dragged you, a dirty backpacker, home from a bar one night and I found you and your friend passed out on my sofa." Totally intimating that I wasn’t good enough for my FI. And that our relationship couldn’t be serious because, god forbid, I drank too much one night when I was 23 and travelling Australia after graduating college. SERIOUSLY?! AT MY ENGAGEMENT PARTY?! Needless to say, I am all out of olive branches to extend to these incredibly rude people.
Anyone else have to politely deal with rude comments about your relationship?
Post # 3
I haven’t had anything really rude said to me re: my engagement but I just wanted to tell you how AWFUL I think T and L are! I understand that maybe it might have been a little offsetting the way he first met you, but really couldn’t make an effort to get to know you first? Before making such a harsh judgement? Oh well, rest easy that you are the better person in that situation and chalk it up to a case of misplaced superiority!
Post # 4
what an awful thing to say! Did you tell your FI and tell him how hurt it made you feel? You should! You don’t want to put up with that crap for the rest of your life, do you?
People have said things (mostly men) about why I want to marry, and that I don’t know what marriage is like, and stuff like that. I think they are just disgruntled men stuck in a relationship that they don’t want to be in. WTF!
Post # 5
Mean people suck… enough said.
Post # 6
Oh yeah, he knows how much I dislike them both. My FI and T were teammates and all the guys on the team think L is fantastic – of course she is … to the guys. ALL of the other girlfriends, fiances, wives of they players say how awful she is to them too. They NEVER would have acted like that if my FI was standing with me at the time. Doesn’t really bother me too much because I knew how they were, and I had a handful of girlfriends standing with me when he said that who were all appalled by his comment. It was more funny, like "did that really just happen?!" They made themselves look bad. FI would never make plans for us to to hang out with them, but thought that he should invite them to the party because he was inviting others on the team. So we never really saw them socially before – and definately won’t be seeing them ever again now!
Post # 7
Well they are very rude! I can’t believe that there are people out there. What does your FI say? I didn’t have this same problem but my parents treat me that way and when I told them Mr. FF and I were getting married my mom was really rude and cold hearted but that is okay cause I am happy now. I would talk to your FI about it. And I would blow them off and be done with them.
Post # 8
I would take the olive branch and beat both of them with it. Suckheads.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm
So rude! I wouldn’t be extending any more branches their way, seems like it just ends up being an opportunity to toss it back in your face. I agree with firefighter, and blow them off – no one needs to friends with people like that.
Post # 10
I always have people say: "Don’t do it!!" I hate that. Oh yes, I realize now what a huge mistake marriage is…you have convinced me…seriously?? People in the military (usually married people and divorced people) are always telling the engaged military people what a HUGE mistake it is to get married. I don’t understand that at all. The only thing to say if you can’t say anything nice is:
Post # 11
I’m totally for the beating them over the head with the olive branches. What the crap kind of behavior is that!?
I’ve mostly been getting nice comments, thankfully. I think some of jis buddies have made the jokes about how he’s throwing his life away, but they’re all supportive. His siblings on the other hand… I’ve been meaning to write about that. They claim he’s changed just to make me happy and things along those lines. They think I’m some spoiled little brat, and that I use big words to make them feel stupid. I use big words cause I don’t realize not everyone knows them! And I haven’t changed him, they just don’t know him. He left for college 4 1/2 years ago and has only visited relatively few times. That’s a long time! He’s grown up a LOT in that time, so he’s not who he was when he graduated high school and left. He didn’t change to make ME happy. Gah. It was very upsetting. So they’re not supportive and haven’t hesitated to make that clear.
Also, my coworker made a big point yesterday of how everyone cheats and it’s almost pointless to get married or trust him or anything. Just because he’s NEVER not cheated on a girl. He said it was weird my FH waited to propose until right before he moved to Denver. Um, he was waiting for our trip to Yellowstone, and he didn’t get the job offer till a week before we left. What the hell? He’s just trying to justify his own behavior by saying everyone does it, but it still bothered me for that to be his attitude.
Post # 12
Hilarious responses here ladies. This one made me laugh outloud tonight.
She seems like she’s a bit of a Negative Nancy … she also seems like a b-word … my fiance has a friend from college that is a girl that seems just like her – all the guys like her, but all their girl friends (girls who are friends, not girlfriends) don’t get along with her.
I had the hardest time convincing him that she’s just not a nice person … until he totally caught her saying something snide to me. He talked to her about it a few days later and she tried to play it off … we just let it go because we don’t see or talk to her much anymore, but unfortunately she’s still invited to our wedding – I just let it go and think to myself how wonderful my day is going to be and how she won’t bother me a bit on that day.
Post # 13
actually, one of my FI’s best friends moved away with his wife. We have always been close, and they are nice people that we click well with. However, after they moved, they made friends with a couple in their new town. We visited them at their new place, and then went on a weekend trip with them. The couple they recently became friends with also came out to stay for a night.
Those people are wretched!!!! We met and said hello, and were excited and expecting to click with them right away since they are close friends of our best friends. They were practically non-responsive – it was almost like they were jealous of us! The wife in the new couple wasn’t wearing her wedding ring. She grabbed my hand and looked at my engagement ring and said, "That’s nice… OH, I WISH I HAD MINE ON… MINE IS GORGEOUS…" and went on bragging about it. She was just trying to be snotty, and was talking down to me as if to say, "yours is nice, too, but not as nice as mine!". I didn’t have the heart to tell her that not only was my ring a full carat larger, but my quality way surpassed hers, haha. My FI was actually appalled at this… they were completely ignoring him as well.
Some people are just horrid like that – we no longer hang out with that couple when we visit our friends. They never even gave us a chance to be friendly… they were horrible from the second we met them. Jealousy can be a dangerous thing, and sometimes people’s true colors come out!
Post # 14
How awful! But my burning question is, did your Fi go to their wedding without you? Take you uninvited? Did he skip it in protest?
This gal must have a big self esteem problem with girls. Maybe she was picked on by some girly clique in middle school…
Post # 15
He did go. I told him to, still trying to be the bigger person. Turns out they invited several guys from the team – and NONE of their significant others, including wives! She must have such huge insecurities with other girls. I know that sometimes you don’t invite girlfriends or boyfriends when you are trying to keep costs down or space limitations etc. But this girl’s family is very well off. The wedding was HUGE (300+) and would 4 or 5 more people really have broken the budget? And it was at her parents huge house in the country, so space wouldn’t have been an issue. And we were living together for christ’s sake, I was a bit more than just some girl he was dating! Oh ALSO, it was 5 hours drive away so all the boys had to leave their wives, girlfriends etc. behind for the weekend!
Post # 16
Thanks for all your support everyone! It helps to vent and be validated!