Post # 1
Well here is my dilemma we sent out our invites about 3 weeks ago and the rsvp’s are coming in. Well my cousin got engaged about 8 months ago and they broke it off about 2 months ago. Well we had everyone who was in a relationship ( we had met the other half) allowed to bring a guest. Well since this breakup – I was of course going to allow her to bring a date still. Well we got the rsvp and its for her and her girlfriend. So my aunt calls my mom explaining how my cousin didnt know who to bring so she thought she would have fun with a friend.
UMM….. I am freaking out. I am trying to be sensitive about all of this since they broke off their engagement a little while ago, but that would have been her THIRD marriage, and she only knew the guy 1 month before getting engaged. It just wasnt right I am just having a hard time with her bringing a FRIEND, a friend that will cost me $200!
I just feel like does she really need to make our wedding a girls night out when she knows we are paying for alot of this wedding ourselves!
Help -do i ask her about this? Or what do i do?
btw- a ton of our family is going to be at the wedding sans dates, so its not like a couples parade!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2007 - Rosary Chapel & Monterey Marriott, Monterey, CA
I’ll play a bit of devil’s advocate for the other side. If she’s recovering from a break-up and the whole family will be there, I doubt the last thing she’d want to do is to show up alone.
If I’m not mistaken, you offered her a spot for a guest and she accepted. While I’m not close to the situation, I don’t see it as a "girl’s party" more than simply trying to enjoy a wedding that she may not attend otherwise due to her situation. I think it was quite polite for your aunt to call and explain as well.
If you were offering her a guest as a comfort level, then it shouldn’t really matter if it’s a guy or girl friend. 🙂
Post # 4
I can totall understand why your annoyed, but I say let it go. I know that it’s $200, but when all is said and done and when you add up all the money your spending is $200 really worth getting upset over. Saying something could probably just cause you more of a headache – I am not saying that your wrong-trust me I’m annoyed for you. – You would think that both she and your aunt would understand what a wedding cost after putting on 3 of them. I’m just saying – put your energy to better use somewhere else because its probably not worth it.
Post # 5
It looks like the hive is suggesting you take the higher road – but boy, oh boy would I be fuming. If I’m doing the math right, your wedding is 3 months after the engagement was called off (and 11 months after she MET her ex-fiance). And I’m not sure how many months after her third divorce. She clearly takes marriage very seriousy! (that was supposed to be funny, not snarky).
If you can take the high road and just let it be, that is fabulous. If this is going to irk you up until the day before the wedding, if you can’t "let it go," then you should say something to her as it would be horrible if you spent your last three weeks affianced as anything short of blissful. I am not sure how close the two of you are – but maybe go out for coffee, ask her how she is doing since the break-up. Maybe your conversation will change how you feel about the situation without having to bring up the "and guest." If not, you can kindly say to her that you gave her an "and guest" in case she wished to bring a date to the wedding. However, seeing as she is bringing a female friend, you are worried it may upset other family members (but certainly not upset you!) as they weren’t allowed to bring a friend to the wedding as she is… and so maybe it is best for family harmony if she comes solo.
Good luck. Regardless of the outcome, your wedding will still be a very special, happy day.
Post # 6
sorry, i’m for the other side. i’m for always allowing your guests to bring a date/friend.
Post # 7
We invited a guest who was out of town and we totally didn’t expect her to come. Hoever, she did RSVP that not only was she travelling a few thousand miles, but that she was bringing a guest. We thought it would be her husband so we let it go. Two weeks later we remebered someone saying she had gone through a nasty divorce so we thought, boyfriend? We let that go. THEN she emailed us 2 weeks before the wedding that her guest wasn’t going to be able to make it(HURRAY) but that she had invited an old coworker of ours to come in his place(boo). An old coworker we haven’t seen or talk to in 5 years that we didn’t really talk to then anyway. I lost it because there was other poeple I wanted to invite but we simply had no more room, in the ballroom and in our wallets.
My dear husband emailed her it was actually good news that her "date" wasn’t coming because now we would be able to sit her with mutual friends and that she would be completing the ten person table and that it would be perfect and she would have fun so not to worry about coming stag. She got the point and she changed her RSVP.
So yes, we could have let her bring a friend and pay but I really had a hard time with it because there were other people that I really rather have there.
enmoore66 is right, regardless it will be beautiful and a very happy day for you both
Post # 8
i don’t quite understand. you said she could bring a guest/date…so she decides to bring a friend. when you told her she could bring a guest/date, who did you think she was going to bring? would you have rather she bring some random guy for the sake of it not turning into a "girls night" or would you rather her come alone to something where she could potentially be uncomfortable? would this have been an issue if she decided to bring a guy friend?
the thing is, you already gave her permission to bring a date/guest so you were already prepared to spend the cost of a plate to cover that. it just seems strange that now the guest is her girl friend, you’re all the sudden concerned about the cost. i think its rude to rescind the chance to bring a guest because you don’t agree with who she’s bringing. when you extend the offer for your guests to bring a date, you can’t choose who it is they bring.
Post # 9
I’m not sure I even understand your issue. You would maybe rather have her invite some random guy that she hardly knows? And pay for his dinner? If your point was that she would feel better not coming alone, then letting her bring a girlfriend accomplishes your mission. If you feel strongly enough to call her up and explain that unless she wants to bring an actual date, she needs to come alone, I suppose you should go ahead and do that. But seriously, it doesn’t sound good. If you had some particular ideas about who a guest should be (e.g., someone she was dating) then it would have been better to call her up before sending the invitation and ask if there was anyone special whose name you should also include on her invitation.
This is really the whole problem with "and guest." Because I believe that if you send an invitation for me "and guest," you have invited me to bring a date, to bring a girlfriend, to bring a coworker, to bring the guy who changes the oil in my car if I like. A guest of my choice. I actually have brought girlfriends to company holiday parties, because the invitation was addressed to me "and guest." And one year my boss had the nerve to tell me that it was inappropriate, as he had meant that I could bring a date. I told him that she was my date. You seriously should have seen the look on his face.
Post # 10
I agree with suzanno- I’m confused you say "I was of course going to allow her to bring a date" why does it matter if this date is a guy or girl friend- obviously in such a short time she may not be in a serious relationship and you seem to imply you would feel better if she brouhgt a guy friend/date as opposed to a girl. . . that sounds a little bit illogical. I would let her bring whomever she wants- remember if she did not break up you would be paying $200 anyway. ..
Post # 11
yeah, i would definitely look at it like suzanno suggests: instead of paying $200 for some random guy she grabbed from work or wherever to sit around awkwardly, you’ll be paying $200 for one of her good girlfriends with whom you know she’s got a lasting, meaningful relationship and will definitely have a good time.
Post # 12
You’ve essentially told her that she can bring any guest she likes by adding "and guest". Changing your mind at this point would be pretty rude, particularly if you’re upset because it’s a female friend rather than a ‘date’.
Post # 13
not to beat a dead horse, but…
"If you were offering her a guest as a comfort level, then it shouldn’t really matter if it’s a guy or girl friend. 🙂 "
I second Mrs Lemon.
And I add: just. let. it. go. It sounds like you are more annoyed at her assumed lack of respect for marriage itself; and that is what is really getting under your skin. Don’t let this one thing affect your special day.
Post # 14
Sigh. I’ve *totally* been that +one as a date for one my girlfriend before, and was actually really embrassed by it (I would never do it again). Maybe, her friend will back out?
If not, I agree with the consensus is that a date is a date, regardless of who it is. That’s the same exact arguement my friend told me. I’d just let it go or maybe hint around to her about how tight the guest list, you wish you had more room, etc. and hope she gets the hint.
Post # 15
How is bringing ANOTHER guy she’s just met better than a friend who she might still like in the future?
Post # 16
It sounds like you got an answer. I agree with the others, though I can understand why you may feel upset. Chances are, on your wedding day, you will be too busy and blissed out to notice!