Post # 1
I’ve been engaged since August and our wedding is in October. Is it bad that I haven’t asked my friends to be bridesmaids yet? I want to do it in a creative way but I haven’t had time to just focus on getting that together and have been focusing on other things. I’m also having a dilemma about who to ask because if I want my Fiance and I to have even parties, I will end up leaving out one of my close friends and I don’t want to do that! So I’m still weighing my options…
If you were one of my best friends, would you be frustrated at this point that I haven’t asked you or anyone else to be part of the bridal party?
When did you ask your bridal party to be a part of your wedding?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2014 - Traverse City
You need to ask ASAP so they can get their dresses ordered… Your wedding is only 7.5 months away, they may need time for alterations! If you want some creative ideas, I bought bracelets with lockets on them that had their first initial inscribed. Inside the locket was a slip of paper saying “will you be my MOH/BM?”. I also wrote each one a special letter in a cute card I made at home. That’s what I did, but you can do anything, really!
Also, don’t worry about wedding parties being even, it’s so not worth it. I made the mistake of asking a certain girl who was in our mutual group of girlfriends but not one I was incredibly close to, just for sake of evenness. Since then, we’ve had a falling out and she’s no longer a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Moral of the story, what’s important is not having an even bridal party; what’s important is that your best and closest friends/family are there to spend your day with you!!
Post # 4
Are these girls truly your close friends? I am sure they are so hurt they haven’t been asked yet. I didn’t ask my girls in a special way because it was known they would be in the party. The cute way to ask is great for pintrest, but often unnecessary in real life. It is more important to ask them soon so they can save and start planning for showers, dresses, and bachelorettes.
Post # 5
@alotlikelove: I’d be frustrated. It often takes months for dresses to come in if your order them and it takes time to plan showers and bachelorette parties. If I were a best friend, if be wondering what the heck was going on. I’ve usually been asked less than a month after the engagement.
It’s been about six months since you got engaged and you only have around seven months to go. Time to make a decision: either you want bridesmaids or you don’t. As for even parties, I don’t think it’s worth it to leave out a friend just for the sake of aesthetics.
Post # 6
I think they will be thrilled when you ask them and certainly won’t be thinking “I wish she had asked me in a better way!”. You are not in crunch time yet, but remember it wil take time to find dresses you like and to order them.
Also, it would be nice to tell them sooner so they have time to coordinate schedules for bachelorette party/bridal shower if they will be planning these. Oh, and it’s perfectly okay to have uneven sides! Don’t let that stop you from having the people you want!
Post # 7
I’m going to disagree with PPs here – I think it’s a good thing that you waited! There are far too many posts on here where girls are upset with their bridesmaids and saying they wish they’d waited longer to ask because they made a rush decision and chose some people they shouldn’t have. You’re not doing that! And Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses don’t take that long to come in. Yeah, I’d ask soon, but I don’t think you’re at all behind.
And I know you didn’t ask for advice about this, but I think that having even sides is WAY less important than your friend’s feelings. No one will notice uneven sides, but a close friend will notice behind left out.
Post # 8
@idolina: I didn’t ask my girls until 2 months after I had booked my venue, cake baker, DJ and photographer. As long as you don’t expect them to pay for an expensive dress or throw you elaborate showers/parties, I think you have enough time. I made individual necklaces for each of my girls and had them shipped in a gift box I crafted, along with a poem asking them to be my BMs. They loved it, but I don’t think it would’ve really mattered how I asked, but just that I asked. If it weren’t for the ideas on weddingbee, I probably would’ve just called/text to ask them.
Post # 9
I got engaged last February. Two of my bridesmaids are my sisters and it was already known that they’d be in the wedding party. My other two bridesmaids live out of state and I wanted to wait until I saw them in person to ask. I asked one of them at her graduation party over the summer and I asked the other over New Year’s. They were both cool with me waiting, and I’m really glad I did. I got all the excitement and hugs that I would have missed out on if I’d just asked over the phone immediately after our engagement.
Nothing wrong with uneven bridal parties. I’ve got 4 bridesmaids. FI’s got 2 groomsmen. Maybe 3. He’s not sure if he wants to ask the third guy yet. I’ve been on his case to make a decision because we’re only 8 months out now! But the bridal party is the people who matter most to you, so I say definitely include your friend.
I wouldn’t be offended to be asked this late if I was your friend. I don’t think you should wait much longer though. Like PP said, they need time to order dresses and plan any parties they want to have for you.
Post # 10
I asked my girls the day I got engaged. I aready knew who I wanted there and I didn’t even consider how many my husband was going to ask. It wasn’t fancy either. I just called them and asked because I was so excited.
I don’t think that it is awful that you haven’t asked them yet. I went to Banana Republic and bought their dresses, so it doesn’t have to take months to order the dresses. They might just need time for alterations. But I wouldn’t wait much longer.
I ended up having 2 girls and my husband had 1 guy. My husband asked me to cut 1 girl so that we would have even sides. I wouldn’t even consider it. I asked the girls that were importnant to me, the people that I wanted there with me. I didn’t care about being even.
Post # 11
I second everything @wonderstruck said!
Post # 12
You definitely need to ask soon – that way they can work on getting their dresses ordered and start focusing on you for the pre-wedding activities!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2014 - Traverse City
@housebee: sorry, to be clear I wasn’t implying that she needed to ask in a “creative” way, I was just offering an idea if she still considered going that route. I only asked that way because my Bridesmaid or Best Man are long distance (I moved away for grad school) and for me personally, I wanted something more special than just a phone call/text message. But I do apologize if it came off that way! And you are right, she does have time to get dresses, but I guess it’s better to not feel rushed 🙂
Post # 14
It might be because I’m nScandinavian, but I’ve never paid much thought to the bridesmaid aspect of weddings until starting to hang out on wedding bee! When my Fiance proposed while on Bermuda, I simply posted a photo of us on my blog saying “we’re engaged!”. One of my bridesmaids commented with a long array of “Hurray’s” to which I replied “We’ll have to find you a pretty dress for the day!”. And that was pretty much it. The other girl I asked over Skype. Both were happy, but there would have been zero drama if I had waited with asking them for a couple of months. In the end of the day, it’s important for my friends to be part of the day we get married – but not necessary to have a given role.
In your case, you still have more than 6 months to the wedding – so that’s plenty of time as long as you don’t want them to wear elaborate dresses! I’m sure your friends will be happy once you do ask, and I highly doubt that have been wringing their hands in nervous anticipation since August… 🙂
Post # 15
They are probably wondering, but I would hope that they aren’t frustrated by not being asked yet! Althought, they might be…
Girls can get crazy about this sort of thing…I know that when one of my best friend’s got engaged, she texted me, and when she didn’t immediately ask me to be a bridesmaid, I got nervous and impatient…i only took her 10 MINUTES to text me again to say that she wanted me to be one, but I was literally feeling that nervous nausea for that whole 10 minutes. CRAZY, I tell ya! I realize now that I was being ridiculous, but in that moment, I was a basketcase!
So hurry up and weigh your options and ask them ASAP. I’m still deciding if I want more than just my sister has a bridesmaid…I have 3 other friends I’d like to ask, but Fiance is claiming he ONLY wants one certain friend as his best man, and doesn’t have anyone else to be groomsmen…which I think is not true, but I can’t force him to pick more guys…and while I don’t care about uneven parties, a 4:1 ratio is a bit much in my opinion…
Post # 16
@idolina: LOL nope, that was a fail on my part, I meant to reply to the OP
I totally agree with you about what you wrote though. I did the “creative” thing for my girls for the same reason as you (they’re in CA, I’m NC). However, I honestly didn’t even know people asked their BMs like that until I came to weddingbee. LOVE the locket idea, that’s super cute (I’m a sucker for lockets, wishboxes, etc).